Teacher5

Daughter wants to quit dance after next year

23 posts in this topic

Long story short, after getting her pointe shoes and two months in, my daughter decided she needed more time for school, ( first year in middle school) and informed me she is quitting all of her dance classes. I don't think I have much choice here. She has had an injury and just seems completely burned out as other parents have stated was also their experience. I am sad as she is a good dancer, but the joy she once had just isn't there any more. Thanks for all your input.

Edited by Teacher5

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Teacher5, I commend you for following your daughter's lead. Let me tell you about an example playing out in our school with almost the same circumstances. A dancer roughly the same age, 2 months in with pointe shoes. This dancer chose another activity this summer instead of ballet and came back a bit behind her peers this fall. Mom is pushing this kid though with privates, and the need to catch up. This kid is acting up at the school though, and told my DD she is hoping to be kicked out of Nut because of her injury, which my DD suspects she is exaggerating. She missed rehearsal again this week (3rd week). Mom is very combative with the school. I think it's because she cannot let go. When you walk into this lady's house the first thing you see is a photographic collage of her child in various Nut roles. It's very sad. This IS how she sees her child.

 

In contrast, we had a FABULOUS dancer (again, roughly same age, but a year into her pointe shoes) suddenly quit this fall. She was amazing. Fabulous extensions, feet, body, technique. Her mom literally just returned from a "how to make tutus" convention so she could make a tutu for her daughter, then the girl quit. Mom understandably wanted to make sure this was coming from the right place, determined it was, and let her gal stop ballet to pursue other passions. The girl is happy and doing well, playing basketball. She's likely the most graceful player on the team. I just saw her mom as she was delivering one of her tutu creations to our school! I guess in retrospect we could kinda see it coming because the dancer just wasn't as keen to put in the work during the summer intensive and was at times more interested in doing musicly photo shoots outside.

 

So I think you are really awesome for letting your kid decide. Maybe she will come back, who knows? But she her ballet experience will help her in whatever she does! (((HUGS)))

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Well another update. To my shock she told me tonight that she will try ballet again at a different school with a teacher she took a few private and other classes with a year ago. The style is very different, Russian vs RAD but the teacher was very encouraging and loved her. I think there is just too much drama in her other school with cliques she wanted to get away from. Twelve is a complcated age. So never say never or take everything at face value.

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DD actually trained under RAD for 7 years (from 8-15 yr) and switched to Vaganova last year. She found Vaganova to be much more "freeing" and fit her body better - for example she found the arm placement to be more "natural" for her. Hope your DD continues to like it and to get away from current drama.

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Well, she tried a class tonight at the other school to check for class placement and loved it. We will do some privates until Christmas for pointe experience but she came out happy, smiling and loving ballet again. Different kids and no drama. The Russian method also seems to suit her better than RAD and she loves the teacher. Fingers crossed that this will continue.

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Another update. My daughter is back loving ballet again and is making great progress in pointe and in technique in a very short time. We are doing two classes and a private for now, only in ballet. She has made friends and the teacher is warm and encouraging. Now we are looking for a non auditioning summer intensive which is something I never expected to happen again. She says she will audition next year for the more competitive programs. Twelve is a very complicated age and I don't think the children really understand the dynamics of why they feel disconnected in some situations. She would walk into a class at the other school and be basically ignored by the girls and in the new one, they were exchanging contacts with each other after the first lesson or two. I feel so guilty that I didn't listen or notice last fall. I just responded to the "ballet is boring and I hate it now".

Edited by Teacher5

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Thank you for the update, Teacher5! Very happy to know that the change in schools made the difference. :)

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What a difference a year makes! My daughter is currently at a summer intensive away from home as an open student, and loves her classes, especially the ballet. ( Auditioning and the open kids are integrated) She has decided next year to take additional classes and go on the audition tours. The change in dance schools was huge for her and there is certainly no talk of quitting, only ramping up. I am still in a bit of shock. Thanks for all the advice. My gut feeling was right. So happy she is back doing something she loves with a renewed confidence. Tweens really are a collection of hormones and changes. She truly had no idea what was going on even though she thought she did. Glad I convinced her to give it another try although the several months away from dance probably was not a bad thing. 

Edited by Teacher5
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