Posted 20 May 2012 - 12:44 PM
Thank you for sharing.
Posted 20 May 2012 - 07:48 PM
Posted 21 May 2012 - 07:56 AM
She piped up immediately, "no, she wants me to skip collegeand teach kids ballet in China." Dd said the teacher wasn't quiet sure what to do with that and moved on to someone else.
I often read job posting on-line and this one caught my eye. I shared the information with dd just a few days before this episode so it was fresh in her mind.
I do want dd to have a good education but I do worry about high college loan debts. Even with scholarship money and savings, it will still be a lot of debt. Tuition is crazy. We are preparing her for SATs and she will apply to colleges. But I do agree sometimes with the old adage "youth is wasted on the young." To be a young dancer without debt (rent is tough, rent and a student loan is tougher) sounds like a grand adventure. If she truly loves to dance, why not dance for as long as possible?
Posted 21 May 2012 - 12:58 PM
Posted 22 May 2012 - 11:19 AM
I think the best we can do besides being able to speak frankly on this board! and talk it all out, is to not overreact. I have sat a few more days and let my emotions calm. Everything that happens, does so for a reason. It is good to have so much feedback to go on, rather than none at all. It only serves to confirm that it is a subjective world and as such, we should remember one opinion is not everyone's. Also, feedback is just that. It's what you do with it that is positive or negative.
So thanks all for participating in the continuing grooming of dancers and their families. There is no better therapy!
Posted 22 May 2012 - 11:56 AM
I've been off-line for a few days but see that this seems to be a successful audition season for many bt4d families! As I read through, I couldn't help but feel that there were folks out there who are struggling and I know it's hard. It wasn't until about this time last year that our dd received the contract that she was looking for so for those still looking, please know that spots do open late in the season and sometimes, they are the best. For those who feel that the struggle is just too great and filled with heartbreak, I also send you a cyber hug. I think that each dancer has their own threshold for moving on (and eventually, they all must move on from performing). For some economic reality hits, for others it's injury, and for some they just want to do something else. As hard as it is for the dancer, it seems harder for parents. After all, we have nurtured not only the dream, but the person. So, no matter what part of the journey your dancer is on, be proud that you've nurtured such focused individuals who have music and artistry in the very fiber of their being. Celebrate the person and the journey!
Posted 22 May 2012 - 07:44 PM
Posted 22 May 2012 - 09:17 PM
Posted 23 May 2012 - 06:11 AM
Becoming a performing artist involves an entirely different approach and set of rules, and quite honestly, a different - sometimes seemingly opposing - manner of coping with other people and their opinions, input, feedback, etc. One of the most significant occupational necessities in this field is a tried and true thick skin. The challenge along the way is how to develop that without becoming embittered particularly given that your peers are your friends AND your competitors, and often paths are crossed several times over. Burning a bridge is out of the question, or should be, in life, yet in ballet the risk of that happening seems much greater due to how emotionally charged everything is. So much is based upon a "snapshot in time," and if one aspect is somehow out of sync in that moment, the outcome may be felt for days, weeks, or months. As a result, the path feels undefined, unpredictable, and jagged, and the dancer has to accept that the direction of their path may change in the moment of their next heartbeat.
It's all very vulnerable, and it takes the entire family to raise the dancer. As much mutual support is given among the members of the family, the family as a whole ends up invested in the dancer on many levels. Parents have to sort out how to achieve that without it tearing apart the family. Many sacrifices on the part of the family are required if there is to be consistency in the dancer's education, and daily communication is key. For any parent who's dancer is much younger, be forewarned that the daily commute should never be viewed as "status quo," as that routine is not always felt as a balance by the non-dancing members of the family. It is critical to make sure that effort is put into nurturing every member of the family. For me, this is challenging because all too often I leave myself out of the equation without even realizing it. Sometimes I approach a breaking point wherein I feel frustrated and wonder, what is this all for?? My parents were gifted ballroom dancers, and as a result of their attempting to "require" the same from me and my siblings, I ended up with a bit of distaste for dancing. The result of that isn't necessarily a good thing in the irony of raising my dancing daughter. At this point I feel exhausted, and although she is still fully charged to continue along this path, I wonder where I am going to find the strength to keep going. I have tried to at least recognize the upside to this which is that I am still her biggest fan, and still willing to support her goals, but perhaps even if the journey ended and I, too, experienced sadness for her, I am still at arm's length enough to pursue my passions and goals so as not to have lost myself along the way.
Posted 23 May 2012 - 06:43 AM
Fast forward to a young adult DD & the negative feedback that she hears isn't necessarily aimed at helping her to improve herself. Sometimes she is merely a pawn in someone elses game (drama). This is unfortunate, but she uses the same coping tools to deal with this that she learned as a young dancer with hurt feelings. She listens, analyzes, & applies or sometimes... dismisses.
Posted 23 May 2012 - 07:24 AM
Of course, this is not always so in the "real world" of often insecure individuals who have been thrust into positions of power, and seem to sometimes use their employees as "scratching posts" or just something on which to vent their own frustrations and aggressions!
That is why it is so important for the young dancers (and all young people, of course) to have developed a good sense of self worth and, as you say, coping mechanisms to help them through these difficult times.
Posted 23 May 2012 - 07:48 AM
Ceecee is correct in that it is our job as parents to teach our children how to deal with criticism. But I'll add, it is not our job to completely build an environment where they are immune to it. We have to teach them the difference in someone who criticizes for criticism sake as described by diane. But, we also have to teach them that unless they are perfect, constructive criticism is crucial to their success and should not defeat their ego simply because their neighbor might live in la-la land.
Posted 23 May 2012 - 07:51 AM
Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:47 AM
Regardless of talent and ability and body type etc if the joy and confidence goes out of dancing there is little left that is worth pursuing. Maintain that joy!
Posted 23 May 2012 - 01:48 PM