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balletgirlsmadre

Surviving while child is away

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balletgirlsmadre

Dropped my daughter off at 2 week SI yesterday - her first time away from home. I hope she is enjoying herself and missing us a lot less than we're missing her! I know its a great opportunity for her but I do feel a bit adrift...a new chapter in parenting :clapping:

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sarsdad

My daughter has been going away to intensives since she was 10. Took her to the plane on sunday - she is now 14 and this is her 5th. It doesn;t get any easier. What does get easier is the amount of time it takes before you don;t feel like your liver is being ripped out without benefit of anesthesia. Now in a couple of days when she calls and is happy, I'm ok - I look at it this way - good training for college - for me that is.

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mom1
Now in a couple of days when she calls and is happy, I'm ok

Ditto that. If DD sounds blue on the phone, I miss her like my heart is being ripped out until the next phone call. When she's happy, I do fine. I don't call, as part of the whole experience is for her to gain independence. I did ask that she take the time to call occassionally when things are going well so I don't worry. Now I only get very happy calls and I feel better. How pathetic is that? Is this my first step toward old age when my children will be caring for me one day? :clapping:

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Balletmom

Sarsdad is right, it doesn't get any easier for the parents. My daughter is 17, getting closer to being fully independent, and attending her fourth SI. I still shed a tear or two on the long drive home yesterday after dropping her off. On the other hand, I try not to focus on how much I miss her while she's gone, and I usually plan things so I have a pretty enjoyable summer, too. :clapping:

Edited by Balletmom

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Guest Vicarmac

MIne has been going since 11 and is 16 on her 6th SI; nope, not easier, but is easier for her every year as she has traveled alone quite a few times now.

I tend to get snippy with her the day before and the day she is going, its my nerves and a defense mechanism because I am going to miss her so much. She is used to it and doesn't pay much attention. But I find nonexisting problems with her preperations that I focus on instead of getting weepy. Then I worry until she gets there and is getting settled. After the inintial "I'm here" call I am fine and she can call or not call at her leisure.

When she was younger she liked to briefly touch base every evening before bed. And I do mean briefly, if it was somewhere like Jillanas with limited phone lines and no cell reception she wanted me to call, I would sit there (with two hour time difference) trying to get through only to have her tell me as soon as I got her, "I can't talk long we're doing such and such, I love you and I'm having fun, call me tomorrow okay? Bye." Yet I did that every night more for me than her, she was that way about a nightly call every night for a few years, or in the case of SFB morning calls because it was so late here by the time she was in her room at night, starting that summer at SFB the calls were fewer and I think I was the one that missed them when a day was skipped here and there, then last summer at 15 the calls were even less frequent and definately more for me than her, or to have a care package sent. I still miss her as much as ever but it has gotten easier and easier for her.

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Jacqueline

Last year was DD's first away experience. The first four weeks went by surprisingly quickly -- but then I was REALLY ready to see her. I am a nervous flier, but the day I finally flew up to pick her up, the plane was delayed a few hours. I was so annoyed and anxious to get there that I temporarily forgot to be scared when we finally got underway. I arrived at the school about five minutes before the end of the class I had planned to observe. Seeing her through the door, looking so happy doing what she was doing, was a priceless moment!

 

One thing that helped fill some of the time while she was gone was redecorating her room -- as a surprise. Just a change of bedding, new lamp, added some framed pictures of her spring performances -- nothing drastic. I found that it helped her "transition" back to life at home, which can be a bit of a letdown after five weeks of "freedom" exploring a new city with new friends!

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101driver

Glad to know I'm not the only mom going through this. It's so fulfilling to know my DD is independent and flourishing on her own. Hey -- wait a minute -- doesn't she NEED me??!! But I try to remember that our job as parents is to give them wings.

 

The good part about these five weeks is the complete, silly, boy-driven, uninterrupted fun I'm having with DD's little brother. He misses her, too, but it sure is fun to be an only child during SIs!

 

Hang in there, moms...just think how sweet those hugs will feel when we pick them up!! :)

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Momof3darlings
What does get easier is the amount of time it takes before you don't feel like your liver is being ripped out without benefit of anesthesia

 

Well, that idea worked every summer up until now. I need the anesthesia again this year. After 6 years of doing this, it hit me. I just got back from dropping off DD and every sentimental song on the radio had me in tears. But DD will be a Senior next year and I'm already in "loss mode". On the way home, it hit me that next summer if and when she goes away, she will not be returning home in 5 weeks but staying. (wherever that ends up being) B)

 

vj

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sarsdad
What does get easier is the amount of time it takes before you don't feel like your liver is being ripped out without benefit of anesthesia

 

Well, that idea worked every summer up until now. I need the anesthesia again this year. After 6 years of doing this, it hit me. I just got back from dropping off DD and every sentimental song on the radio had me in tears. But DD will be a Senior next year and I'm already in "loss mode". On the way home, it hit me that next summer if and when she goes away, she will not be returning home in 5 weeks but staying. (wherever that ends up being) B)

 

vj

 

 

Funny that you say that - exactly what was going through my head - my daughter is only a freshman, but in 3 years ....

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dufay

After calling 3 times the first day (kept forgetting things, but it was probably an excuse), my daughter said to me- "sounds like your going through daughter deprivation". One of the big "downsides" of being close, and having a good relationship.

 

I've already decided when both mine are leave the nest- I'm concentrating on dogs. Herding, agility, obedience- all the stuff I've had to give up for carting kids on the weekends! And dogs don't leave for college either.

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Treefrog

:wacko: I said the same thing (about dogs) a couple of weeks ago! My family looked at me like I was mad -- said that I was supposed to enjoy the reduced burden, not add to it!

 

By the way -- I was in a meeting this afternoon, and started to get that familiar tenseness: Where are the kids? Who needs to be picked up? Don't I need to get someone to class? Then: oh yeah, one's in Buffalo and one's in Maine. I can relax.

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Guest Saji

This is my daughter's 2nd year going to a 5 week SI. Last year, she was 7. This past weekend as I met families from across the country, I thought of how brave they were. And then I wondered what was wrong with me? My daughter's SI is at the school she attends, and I only live about 20 minutes away. But if there was a gauge that could measure how much it was going to hurt leaving her there, one would have thought that I lived in another galaxy! I applaud all of you out there. As I was reading the posts, I realized that some parents are missing their children as much as I was and was comforted, but then I realized that if it gets too bad for me, I can always hit the road and see her. So tomorrow, when I go to see her, I will give her a hug to represent hugs from parents who aren't as lucky as we are.

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Mel Johnson

You sound like a lady after my own heart! Since you're that close, why not make yourself available to some of your daughter's friends to be an adult friend, a sort of surrogate parent? You can help some of the homesick become happier, realizing that they are surrounded with love. I've had kids' parents make out legal papers naming me in loco parentis when I've taken them on overnight field trips! Shucks, one adult male soldier even named me his Power of Attorney and Health Proxy for one field exercise! Without asking! Now that was a surprise. :wacko:

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dancindaughters

Saji, the last line of your most recent post suggests that your dd is in residence for the five weeks, even though you live 20 minutes away. I'm just wondering which schools take eight years olds for residence, and how the children manage. Did you want your dd to have the experience of staying in a dorm? Not trying to pass judgement, just curious as I have a dd the same age as yours, and I don't think eigther she or I would be comfortable with a residence situation at this point.

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AsleepATheWheel

Saji,

 

Am I reading this correctly, is your daughter boarding at a 5 week SI at age 8? That is amazing. I didnt know that they had boarding SI's for such young ones. It's good that you live so close.

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