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BW

"Asked to Stay" w/o a residential program setup

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Momof3darlings

Thank you pointeparent! Your post was well written and very heartfelt. We appreciate your sharing your experiences with us.

 

vj

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Hans
The program then made no secret of knowing our financial status. And solicited for donations.

Actually, all the ballet schools I've been to solicit everyone. At every big school I've attended I've received every sort of need-based scholarship I could get (couldn't have been there otherwise) and we'd still receive the donation requests. Ballet schools simply don't make much money, and when they have scholarship students it means they make even less.

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Guest Vicarmac

They send solicitations to everyone they have addresses for, no one looks to see if they had gotten aid etc. They have a data base and send to all that are on that list. Its not just ballet schools, my daughter's Catholic High school always sent us stuff looking for every handout and we were one of the ones receiving some of the money they were looking for! They need to get someone to give them some of the money whether it was merit or need based.

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BW

Bumping this general discussion thread up for all who might be in this situation (or have been). :thumbsup:

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AsleepATheWheel

How fun to read my posts from last year ( :thumbsup: )...

 

and now...we find ourselves in this very situation :unsure::thumbsup::o !

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Hollywood Ballet

I have personally known students who went off to a certain very well known East Coast SI having been, if not specifically promised, certainly misled to believe that they had "it" and were a shoo in for a full scholarship. At the end of the SI they are informed that, "regrettably," the quota for full scholarships is full, but if they would like to stay on...and pay...and pay...

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vagansmom

Two things:

 

1. Since the original conversation didn't include a specific promise in writing (it rarely does, but when it does, it's most certainly definite), then could their being "led to believe" they were a shoo-in for a scholarship be more wishful thinking in their minds than for real?

 

2. Even if it were true (and I don't know any prominent East Coast SI's that do that), it's clear the SI, once they saw the dancers over the span of the summer program, knew that they were not at the level to offer them a scholarship. There's a big difference between what an auditioning official sees in one audition and what teachers see in a student over the course of an SI. Besides the right body for that program, facility and technique, the ability to learn quickly, apply corrections given to other students, maintain positive behavior both in and out of the studio, etc., are all factored into the equation. SI officials can't know that info till after the span of a summer with the students.

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dancemaven

Gentle Reminder, this thread, like all others on BT4D, must be kept to personal knowledge---not knowledge of someone else's knowledge (i.e., second-hand information). Otherwise, there is too much missing in the actual facts and circumstances surrounding the invitations, promises, and/or indications of offers.

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Mel Johnson

If you look up the term "bait and switch" in Google, you will find at least one article titled "Oldest Trick in the Book". It happens all over, in all lines of work, in every place on the known earth, and doubtless in some places we don't know about yet.

 

Example:

 

Q: Bobbledeybobbledeybobbledey, bobble MERCEDES BENZ in the newspaper?

 

A: Dobblebeydobblebey, dobble TRABANT! REAL COLLECTOR'S ITEM!

 

Q: BOBBLEDEY BOBBLE, PIECE OF JUNK!

 

Sometimes, you can do something about it, usually, you can't. Generally speaking, the more you have on paper, the more you can do about it.

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Hollywood Ballet
If you look up the term "bait and switch" in Google, you will find at least one article titled "Oldest Trick in the Book". It happens all over, in all lines of work, in every place on the known earth, and doubtless in some places we don't know about yet.

 

Example:

 

Q: Bobbledeybobbledeybobbledey, bobble MERCEDES BENZ in the newspaper?

 

A: Dobblebeydobblebey, dobble TRABANT! REAL COLLECTOR'S ITEM!

 

Q: BOBBLEDEY BOBBLE, PIECE OF JUNK!

 

Sometimes, you can do something about it, usually, you can't. Generally speaking, the more you have on paper, the more you can do about it.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. And not to pick on the East Coast, I'm sure it happens in other regions of the country as well. When it happens repeatedly, one should wonder if it is systematic and deliberate. I think that SI's in general do a real service and can be incredibly rewarding experiences, however, they can also be "cash cows" for some organizations and any time there is significant cash involved, there is the temptation for overzealous salesmanship and if not false, then misleading inducements to buy. Also, when the same name pops up again and again...as the saying goes, where there's smoke, there's fire. Well, e caveat emptor, I suppose, and sic transit gloria mundi.

 

As far as the original topic, I wouldn't send my underage kid to live in a dorm, or with total strangers, no matter how many references they had- much less where it's a less than solid residential arrangement. If my child's budding dance career was that promising, and their attendance at a far away school was imperative, I'd pack up and we would go together, or not at all. Well, easy for me to say, I don't have kids, so perhaps that's why I don't fully understand the compulsion to ship them off when they hit their teens. My own parents voiced the desire to send me to military school at one point in my teens but fortunately relented, or couldn't afford it, which is more likely.

 

p.s. interesting reference to the Trabant- personal experience? Mine was a Mercury...

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Momof3darlings

Let's be sure though that in bringing up topics where the original question was almost 3 years ago and last post prior to this one was 2 years ago, that we have first hand personal knowledge to add or a question to ask about the situation not just bringing up hearsay to start conversation.

 

First hand knowledge of such situations belong on the threads for those programs in their reviews. Otherwise, we're adding fuel to the "I heard" about programs or a side of the country that we have no real validity that we're sharing. We try our best not to do that here in general. One would not want those generalizations brought forth about one's own program here should someone have "I heard" knowledge but not first hand knowledge, so what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

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dancemaven
As far as the original topic, I wouldn't send my underage kid to live in a dorm, or with total strangers, no matter how many references they had- much less where it's a less than solid residential arrangement. If my child's budding dance career was that promising, and their attendance at a far away school was imperative, I'd pack up and we would go together, or not at all. Well, easy for me to say, I don't have kids, so perhaps that's why I don't fully understand the compulsion to ship them off when they hit their teens.
[emphasis added]

 

Please also be cautious about appearing to pass judgment on someone else's parental decisions. We each have our own situations, circumstances, limitations and thought-processes to guide us. What works for one family may not work for another, but that does not make one scenario better than another for every one. Ballet--and parenting--is not a 'one size fit all' proposition.

 

We have permitted my DD to go off to boarding school. We could not move with her. My professional license(s) are not so easily transferred from State to State. Our other child had many things she had and enjoyed and needed right here in our city--academically, sports, and extra-curricular opportunities that are not easily replaced elsewhere and certainly not where DD elected to continue her ballet training. We did choose to permit her to go. We did not, however, 'ship her off'! :happy:

 

There are quite a few parents here whose dancers either have gone or currently are at boarding school. I believe I can say quite confidently that not a single parent here made that decision lightly or without some trepidation. And I'm pretty sure we all re-evaluate our respective decisions on many different levels quite frequently.

 

Your sweeping and cavalier smugness on a topic you have admitted you have not faced is not appreciated. :blink:

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Hollywood Ballet

My remarks were not intended to pass judgement on any parent. I simply said what I think I would do, in a similar situation. I'm sure there have been many good outcomes in these situations. I realize as well that packing up and moving an entire family is not the simplest thing in the world.

 

While I might feel differently if I actually had children, and faced the real life decision, the fact that I haven't does not mean I can't have a passionate opinion about it. If we follow the reverse argument to its extreme then only choreographers should comment on choreography posts on these boards, only teachers should comment on posts about teaching, etc. I think that would get kind of stale. As far as "compulsion to ship them off," I can see where the intended ironic humor of the statement might be misinterpreted. The last sentence of my previous post was intended to underline this and to illustrate that though I am not at present a parent, I was a teenager once...long ago.

 

Perhaps it's the very fact that I don't have kids that makes me feel I would be too attached to them, and to much of a worrier, to see them leave at a younger age for a residential school, no matter how good the dancing. The worrier part is certainly real- the teens I teach roll their eyes at the way I constantly nag them not to leave the premises, even to wait outside the front door of the dance school, until their parents are physically present.

 

However, again, this is not intended as judgmental on any parents, and I salute you dancemaven, and any others here who have made the boarding decisions that turned out right for them and for their dancers. I do believe in the inherent good of most people and by extension, believe that most parents make decisions which they sincerely feel are best for their children.

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Clara 76

It is a very difficult decision, and if I had had the money, I would have sent my son off somewhere to learn tap from the greats. But that didn't happen for him, and I regret it. I wish I could give him everything, every possible advantage in the disadvantaged world he chose.

 

We do need to be careful Hollywood, not to put down the decisions of others in our wish to express our personal opinions. I'm glad you came on and explained yourself; that was helpful to me and I hope to Dancemaven as well.

 

Parents who have no experience in this world are navigating a mysterious maze, full of tricks, twists, and turns, and they struggle daily to allow their children to pursue what they must do. It's not like soccer or football or baseball or any other thing that most people have any experience with. It's frustrating, confusing, and most times, makes no logical sense to a parent.

 

For any of us to then turn around and state unequivocally what we would or would not do, is kind of a slap in the face.

 

For the record, if you do ever have a child, and if they ever do fall in love with dance, I'm betting dollars to donuts that you'd do the same thing any of us would, if your child needed it :shrug:

 

And now back to our regularly scheduled topic: Asked to Stay Without a Residential Program Setup :thumbsup:

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