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Ballet Talk for Dancers
MEWDancer

Teachers showing favoritism, how to deal?

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Momof3darlings

Nice thoughts Rosetwirl.  Thank you for sharing.  

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MEWDancer

Love your comments rosetwirl!  

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Eligus

Rosetwirl, thank you for offering us non-dance parents self-forgiveness and grace just by hearing part of your personal journey.  The fact that you -- as a former dancer -- also questioned your DK's ability, talent, and path gives me some amount of (uncomfortable) comfort.  I will admit to a guilty sense of relief at hearing that those much more experienced than I am could have the same doubts and questions.  I know I questioned my DD's path... often...out loud...and sometimes with a sense of panic and often with confusion.  The fact that she was frequently not "favored" by her pre-pro school compounded those questions and doubts and frequently left me frustrated and feeling as if my faith in allowing my DK to "follow her own path" was misplaced. 

 As you pointed out, it is a delicate balance.  And the struggle to find that balance is good, if painful.

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MEWDancer

This experience also had me questioning my daughter’s potential.  There is no doubt she works hard, and I see someone with beautiful grace and musicality, but without the coveted hyperextension (and someone who is now always saying how terrible her knees are) but I am no dancer.  And I wondered too if I am unable to be objective.  I shared my observations about her current situation and my daughter’s input on class with a friend and parent of a student in a lower level who was a dancer and a dance teacher and she watched a bit of the class through the window.  I believe her when she said that my daughter and a few others drew her eye as ones with potential.  She had wonderful comments that I shared with my daughter.  I am going to fill in with a few private lessons with her old, tough teacher, and another who likes her and hope that some positive reinforcement will change her outlook.  She did say her teacher has been spreading the corrections a bit more lately, maybe she reads this forum 😀

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Eligus

My heart goes out to you, MEWDancer.  I think you can tell by now that we've all been there. 

I think private instruction with an "old, tough teacher" is a great idea.  And seeking input from a few, trustworthy sources is also good for the psyche, as is remembering that progression in ballet (as in everything that is difficult and worth doing) is not a straight line up.  Hopefully, this summer will also give you some more input to put in the mix and balance. 

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ballet1310
12 hours ago, MEWDancer said:

and someone who is now always saying how terrible her knees are

Hi MEWDancer - I've been following along here nodding with agreement at a lot of the advice !  I wanted to chime in on this part - my dd, 18 used to say all kinds of things at your dd's age  such as my feet aren't good , I don't have good turn-out, my extension will never get higher  etc ( meanwhile not one of these comments had been said by anybody ever - it was just in her head although she had to work very hard over these years to get flexibility, strength  etc - just like everyone else had to do ! )...  at points I would say , "ok if that's the case then you should quit because if you can't get any better then ..."   fast forward to the present and we laugh because she can now see how her view of herself was not quite right and when she looks back at pictures and videos she now says , "hey, I was pretty good". To which I always respond that if she wasn't good or didn't have the potential she had, we would not have encouraged her, we would have been very honest and had her pursue something else.

The point for me is that at your dd's age, there is a lot of doubt and as others mentioned, the next few years she will have her up's and down's - times where she may feel she isn't progressing and then times of great change and success.  Tell her to hang in, believe that she can and maybe she will be comforted knowing that all the dancers who have come before her go through this.  

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rosetwirl

Many thanks to you, Mom of 3 💕🙂💕

 

 

 

 

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