Choices....

[Guest Makayla]

Hello

I haven't been here for a while!

Here's an update on me for anyone who is interested... I got very uninterested and turned off about dancing a couple months ago, and thought it through alot and stopped. I got a part time job, and moved on with my life in different directions, looking into things like child councelling.

Now, about 2 months after my life has dramatically changed, I'm missing ballet alot, and wishing I hadn't stopped. Of course I can go back, I've been keeping in shape at home, and still take one class (I know thats basically nothing).

Anyways, I'm very confused as to weather to take classes again, or keep on the path I am goign on now. I can't figure out what career I want, and the only appealing one right now is dance.

I know that if I told my teacher, who cried when I stopped, she would help me. I am willing to work really hard all summer everyday to keep up with what level I was in when I left. And I'm pretty sure that if she's not got otehr plans, she would give me private lessons.

 

If anyone could help me, maybe give me some questions that I could think about that could help me decide weather I want to continue with ballet in my life or not.

(I was in Elementary level, and doing well, one of the top in my class, and my teacher was confident about me continuing, and staying around to teach with her.)

 

The other unhappy part is, I am in a serious relationship, even though I am young, and my boyfriend does not really like me aiming for ballet as a career. Mainly because it gets in the way of me seeing him as much as he wishes, and he just doesn't appreciate the art of it. Ever since I stopped we have gotten along perfect. I am afraid that this choice is also a decision of ballet or my boyfriend. It has looked that way before, and I'm almost certain it will conclude that way.

 

Thanks

Sorry about the length!

[Mel Johnson]

If ballet is where your heart lies, go for it. And if your boyfriend is setting up a "me or ballet" choice, that's blackmail, and no serious relationship can thrive with that going on. Should you decide to pick up the ballet again (really, you haven't lost all that much time), you'll have to pull the double-reverse on him - "That's who I am, take me or leave me." If he leaves, it really wasn't that serious. Sorry, but that's the voice of experience.

[cheergdgt2]

I'm going to have to agree with Mr. Johnson and say follow your desires and heart and if ballet is what you really want then go for it. Personally, I think that if your boyfriend can't appreciate your ballet and your wanting to pursue that because it keeps you away from him, then he's being quite selfish. I don't want to put your boyfriend down but I'm sure you can understand that he should be there to support you on your decisions even if it is a sacrifice on his part. Your happiness should help him see how important it is for you to follow through on this and should be satisfaction enough. Good luck to you!

[sapphirenite]

i'm a year off from this board, so moderators, feel free to delete.

 

it sounds as though you really love ballet. i think at this point in time, you should just follow your heart (as mr johnson says)and not think too far ahead.

 

about ballet as a career, my personal opinion is that if you love to dance, it wouldn't hurt to continue with it now, while you are still young and your body still has its "memory" of it. you can change careers later in life, but it would be harder to change "to dance" than it is to change "from dance". it would be hard to think back in life and say "i wish...", afterall we have only one life:)

 

as for your relationship, i think you should have a good talk with your boyfriend. i'm sure there would be other careers and activities in your life. would he object to them all because they would take up your time?

 

also, i'm sure he must have an interest in something (basketball, football, model-making, anything?) if you want to get back to ballet, let him know that it matters to you as much as his hobby matters to him. and assure him that you would still spend time with him (guys need assurance sometimes:D ) if he still doesn't understand, then you would have to consider for yourself if he is worth giving up ballet for.

 

hope these helps. good luck;)

[Guest Makayla]

Wow, thanks everyone!

I didnt expect so many replies

 

I am going to have a talk with my boyfriend, although I have before about the same thing. He just doesn't have the same morals as some people. It's sweet in a way, he won't join the football team because he'd rather hang out with me. So I feel guilty saying I'd rather go to ballet for an hour or two and then hang out with him than be with him for an extra hour and miss it.

 

I'm going to talk to my teacher on Sunday about all of this, and very likely follow through with it I'm hesitating on acting upon my feelings, because my strong feelings about stopping seemed to have been fault.

I learned about over working/exercising today in school, and wonder if maybe that contributed to my abrubt disinterest. I had 4 days a week, a total of seven hours of class a week. That isnt much compared to many of you, but the four days were in a row. So maybe I over worked myself?

I also abrubtly got uninterested in other things. Or maybe the word is unmodivated as well. I am in art class at school, and was making a 92, and at the same time as stopping ballet, I stopped working in that class and got a 42 for second term. Other class marks went down also.

I'm modivated again, so I'm not really worried about fixing it.

But Im wondering if there is any explaination

Has any one had this happen to them?

 

You've all got me pretty sure I should follow through with my passion, ballet! As long as I'm sure my mind wont change again.

I'm scared to make another commitment and then something like this happens again.

 

Thank you again so much!

[Guest ziva cvar]

Hey!

I had a kindda same problem, it was not about relationship or sth,there were other problems. But stopping ballet didnt make anything bether. It was worse, much worse because I just didnt find myself anywhere else. But when I decided to try again there was my teacher who lost a hope with me. So if you have a good teacher, wish and strenth to be a dancer go ahead. but important is that you know, ballet is not a training, it's a life.That means that sth you will have to say to some things that ordinary people can have or do, no.

[Guest Makayla]

I am very sure that I can have the support of my teacher. Or at least I hope I'm confident that she will accept my mistake. She stopped dancing for a year (actually at the same age I am now) and then started again.

I do realize that it is going to take a lot of hard work. And that is also something I miss about ballet. I feel useless not doing it, because I am not working towards anything.

Anyways, I'm rambling

 

Again, if anyone has had this happen to them before and still stuck with it after coming back, please tell me so I know I'm not alone

[Victoria Leigh]

Makayla, it sounds to me like you may have gone through a bout of depression in general, and maybe it wasn't about ballet at all. However, this time away should have given you the chance to realize whether you indeed wish to spend your life doing this or not. Ballet is really a life, if you are going into it with a career in mind. That means that other things are secondary. Including boy friends. It does not mean that you have no other life, or have no boyfriends, but it does mean that you know where your priorities are, and everything else has to fit in around that. If your passion is such that you must do this, then do it. If your passion is questionable, and you are not sure, then do not do it. Everyone is different, and a life which involves this kind of commitment and work and devotion and passion will exclude things which interfere with it by choice. They are simply not as important. IF they are as important, then perhaps they should become primary, and ballet should remain a hobby. You really can't have it both ways. It's too difficult.

 

While you have a friend now who is important in your life, you need to realize that you are still very young, and that it is highly likely that this relationship will not be the one that lasts for the rest of your life. Is it worth giving up something that is something you want for the rest of your life? If so, then go for it, but if not, then get your priorities in order and go on with your life in ballet.

[Guest Makayla]

Thanks for the straight forward reply Victoria Leigh.

I am going to put into concideration and deep though that last paragraph. I think I will talk to my teacher about it too, and maybe she can help me come to a decision.

I'm not so sure if it was a depression, I was in a happy attitude most of the time (but then again, I am regularly a mellow or low spirited person) I dont recall being abnormally unhappy.

Although I had just started new medication. Maybe it screwed up my decision making process ;)

I'm not too sure.

 

thanks again

[Guest ziva cvar]

Makalya, you said that your teacher stopped for a year. That sounds so strage for me because i was told that already few days of not doing it can be recognised in ballet. My teacher always said: The first day now you, the second day know your teacher and the zhird day know public. So a year...

And a question for ms.Leight, you've written that ballet has to be primary thing and that you have to have a strong wish and other priorities for doing that. But I have a friend that really loves it and also have a good feed and other quite good prepositions, but she just can't develop like other girls in her class. The only thing it is a bit wagy is her problem with weight. I really feel sorry for her, do you think it is a kind of depression problem or maybe even weight problem(I think she is a little to fat for ballet)?

[Guest Makayla]

Ziva Cvar, I am not fully clear on my teacher's situation, but from what I have gathered, she was still quite active doing other exercise, and eating properly. She was pregnant, so I suppose this would make it even more difficult for her to gain back her strength and flexibilty. She said it was a lot of hard work.

I can see a difference in my body after two months. I have lost some flexibility and strength. But my technique is still with me, and I'm coming back quickly

 

I talked to my teacher on Sunday and she was very happy and excited that I have decided to come back I am going to work hard through the summer, and come back to Elementary level in September.

Thanks for all your interest!

[Victoria Leigh]

It's true that it is very hard to stop and then come back, but it's not impossible. It means that the longer you are out, the longer it will take to come back and the more difficult it will be. It is also easier to stop and and come back when you are young

 

Ziva, I have no idea what your friend's problem might be. There is just no way to know that without seeing her. Sorry.

[Guest Nadezhda]

Makayla-

if you say your boyfriend skips his practice to be with you, then I think he just isn't serious about things. Of course it may sound like a huge compliment he's willing to devote all his time to you, but he's doing that because he has you on his top priority. I wonder how he would go on later. Now it's just football. What he is doing might be a serious sign that in general he isn't aware of his obligations. You are of yours - you have time for ballet, school, parents and relatives and him (and the list is not complete). This means you know how to manage your time and how to be responsible. Do you think skipping football practice isn't just like skipping school lectures in a way? And as a future dancer (I understand that's you ambition) you've got to focus and be serious about things. You have to know how to manage time. Can he be serious and responsible? You'll have to answer that for yourself, but as far as I know professional dancers (I must say I'm glad I have quite a few such acquaintances) they aren't the ones that could tolerate laziness or being irresponsible. But you know him best, so you be the judge.

[Guest Makayla]

Nadezhda, thanks for your input

You bring up important details of the situation, that I have though about. I does bother me that someone could have NO commitments. I mean, when I'm not dancing I've got some other task on my mind even if it is as small as re arranging my room for the fun of it. But I suppose not haha

It is flattering that he gives up those things to be with me.

He doesn't necessarily "skip" practice. He isn't on the football team. But he says he would enjoy it. He just doesn't want to commit the time to playing the sport.

He does take some things seriously. He is very interested in computers, and is going to be some kind of a technition after high school. But researching and learning about computers can be done at his own choice of time, unlike ballet class

Anyways, I recently talked to him about all of this, and he understands right now. (Could be because it was basically understand or be dumped:P) But he says he supports me, and feels bad that I thought he didnt. Maybe he just got caught up in his own things for the past while and didnt realize how his remarks were making me feel (communication is the key to all relationships )

Thanks for your interest!