Guest musicboxdancer Posted June 16, 2003 Report Share Posted June 16, 2003 I was wondering what kind of support you all have received from your S.O. regarding your passion for ballet? I am having trouble conveying how very important it is for me and was wondering how any of you helped S.O. to understand that it is more than a weekend hobby. I would love to attend the 3rd session of the Richmond camp but am having a hard time convincing S.O. that the money would not be better used somewhere else. Any suggestions? Quote Link to comment
citibob Posted June 16, 2003 Report Share Posted June 16, 2003 Your SO needs to believe that certain things are important to YOU, and that YOU are the ultimate authority as to what those things are. SO doesn't need to agree with you that ballet is great and worth the $$, but he/she DOES need to give you the space you need to pursue what is important to you interests, whatever they may be. I would talk about space and boundaries, rather than try to convince SO that ballet is worthwhile. It's probably the case that SO finds certain things very important, things that you don't care much about. Certainly, SO would want to spend money on those things as well, in spite of your lack of interest. Quote Link to comment
Guest musicboxdancer Posted June 16, 2003 Report Share Posted June 16, 2003 Thank you for that. I appreciate the opportunity to vent a bit with people who share my passion. Quote Link to comment
Mel Johnson Posted June 16, 2003 Report Share Posted June 16, 2003 On the other hand, I never cared what Standard Oil thought of my dancing, as long as the Ford Foundation kept helping me pay for classes.;) Quote Link to comment
Guest musicboxdancer Posted June 16, 2003 Report Share Posted June 16, 2003 Tee Hee! Quote Link to comment
Miriam Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 Mine actually offered to help me pay for Richmond next year I think he secretly just really enjoys it when I'm out of the house ;) And I think it's so I can't bug him when he wants to do something ;) Quote Link to comment
pointehill Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 It took me a while to explain the feeling dancing gives me to my SO, but when I explained that it was a part of my life before he met me and that he would be losing a part of who I am without it, plus pointed out he has his own passion (golf), things have gone very well in how he supports my dancing. He even tried a class once! He decided its easier to watch me dance than join in. Good luck to you. Just remember that if we are lucky enough to discover our passion in life, whatever it might be, we need to follow it, or maybe we've never really experienced what life is all about... Quote Link to comment
Jaana Heino Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 With my SO, it has never been a problem or even an issue that I dance. He's a generally open-minded person who doesn't think it strange that people put a lot of their time and money to pursue an art/craft/career - in fact, he highly respects it when people do. He also understands that any physical art requires a lot of time to develop - he has done martial arts himself for years. I'm starting to feel a bit worried myself about the time I put into it, but so far he hasn't expressed any feelings of being left out or anything, not even when I have explicitly asked. We are lucky enough to both hold jobs that enable us to fund our respective interests, though, which makes it much easier to be supportive... If money was harder to come by with, it could be an issue. I could imagine that if I wanted to use money on a ballet camp instead of, say, having a vacation with him, he might feel bad. But as it is, we can do both. Quote Link to comment
dancepig Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 Well, you don't state how old you are, or if you're male or female, but I will tell you that I'm almost 49 (female) and went back to taking classes five years ago, after our youngest finally went off to college. I have to say my hubby was thrilled because by taking ballet classes on a consistant basis, I am in much better physical condition and can really kick my heels up! Quote Link to comment
Garyecht Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 It almost sounds as if there are two issues floating around, one being relationships with SOs, the other being special (expensive?) events like Richmond. I’ve been married for 35 years and one thing that I admire about my wife is that she puts up with me and my “hobbies.” And I have had time consuming hobbies, none of which were cheap, for my entire life. But, she has also never known me any other way. To be honest with you, I don’t think there are many people out there like her in that respect, which does help me appreciate her. My own personal belief is that relationships are only successful over a long time if each person is allowed to develop in his or her own way while maintaining some common ground of interest and activity. It’s a balancing act that is easier to talk about than to accomplish. Many arguments, but still married in my case. When you get seriously involved in an activity, it requires money. I think everyone needs a dance budget. That dance budget needs to mesh with other budgets you might have, as you cannot spend more than you earn. Once you have a yearly amount of money you are going to devote to dance, how you spend it is your choice. With respect to special events like Richmond, which I know absolutely nothing about, but assume it is a “camp” or extended workshop of some sort, I would take the amount of money that attending would cost and translate that into the number of extra classes that I could buy with that money. Then you can make an intelligent choice—the camp or the extra classes. Quote Link to comment
Guest musicboxdancer Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 Thank you all for your input. FYI, I am 26 and have a 20 month old son. I suppose that my hubby and I are still learning to balance our outside interests with home life. Ballet has been a part of my life for so long (minus some time when first married and when pregnant) and I guess we must learn to come to an understanding. Thank you all again. Quote Link to comment
Guest *Lili* Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 Just a question though.. what does S.O. stands for? (sorry I'm french, and not used to english abreviations!) But, I've understood you were all talking about your husband or wife, or your lover! Well, my S.O. is supportive about my passion with ballet. I must say I provide money myself for ballet classes, intensive, everything that has to do with it. I think it would be different otherwise.. I'm sure he would not be that supportive if he had to pay for my ballet classes. And I would understand. That being said, he likes how this passion makes me so happy, and he agrees with how I decide to spend the money I earned. To a certain point. He would strongly disagree if I wanted to go to a summer intensive INSTEAD of going on vacation with him! But that also makes sense to me. So I'm going on a week where he works. I believe that money spent for one's passion is not wasted at all. And your SO should respect this passion.. not necessarily like it, or spend money for it, but respect it, yes. Well that was my thoughts! Quote Link to comment
Guest musicboxdancer Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 F.Y.I. Lily, S.O. is Significant Other (Silly web lingo:) ) Garyecht, I think you may be on to something with the idea of a dance budget. Since I am a stay at home mom, spending "my" money is really not an option, but we have never had a problem treating his paycheck as "ours" until I brought up Richmond (which I can admit is expensive:eek: ) He is usually very supportive but he can't help but view Richmond as 1/2 a trip to Hawaii, so I guess it all calls for further discussion. Richmond just sounds so amazing it's hard not to obsess about it. Quote Link to comment
Guest beckster Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 "You get back late from work several days each week, your mobile phone is switched off, you're all hot and sweaty when you do get back ... is there something you want to tell me?" Actually my boyfriend really isn't bothered about my ballet classes. Admittedly it's not taking up too much of my life at the moment, but i don't think he'd mind either way. He's quite easy-going like that - and it gives him more time for going to the gym (read: playing computer games ;)). I've taken him to see a performance so he knows what its about, but I actually wouldn't want him in class with me - that would be too weird. He's quite receptive to the idea of salsa or tango or something like that though, which might be cool. Quote Link to comment
Miriam Posted June 17, 2003 Report Share Posted June 17, 2003 My boyfriend doesn't want to take any class with me (no salsa or anything like that either...) I pay for my own classes, he just offered to help me pay for Richmond (next year!!)... I think it's because he doesn't like to travel (some homesickness think I don't understand at all) and I love to travel (having lived in the Caribbean and my parents still living there), so I think that's why he *wants* me to go.... so I can have a holiday by myself without being bored on my own and actually *go* somewhere Which is totally fine by me, naturally ;) Oh, and I think he likes the idea of me doing something I really love Quote Link to comment
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