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dancindaughters

Help! I might be a crazy ballet mom!

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BW

Barrefly's Dad, interesting name :huepfen::bouncing: - welcome to Ballet Talk for Dancers! Just wanted to extend the welcome mat. :jump:

 

It's tough to have your daughter at two different ballet schools. :(

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pointetheway

I think you sound like wonderful moms to me. Think how much time and attention you give your dancer. How many kids get so much support from their parents. A crazy ballet mother is a mother who hangs at the door, quizzes the dancer after each class, grabs the teacher for feedback everyday, gets mad at the dancer if they have a bad class, and/or forces the dancer to keep dancing when they want to quit. Crazy ballet mothers also like to see other students fail and to constantly bore others with stories of how wonderful their dancer is and how all the teachers think they are the best. Met any of those?

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gsmom

You're right ! THOSE are the crazy ones ! Yes, I have come across one or two in our ballet world :dry: . Come to think of it, I have come across a few crazy Basketball ones too... :wacko:

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Guest dancinx2

I applaud all you moms who make such a sacrifice in driving such lengths to get to class. I have a mere 35 min. drive and some days it's all I can do to force myself to drive that! My concern lately has been, with my girls dancing 5-6 days a week, I'M GETTING BALLET MOM BURN-OUT. True I have 4 other children with activities so my driving isn't limited to ballet class, but unfortunately, we live out in the country with our farm and no one around to car-pool with. I thought all their dancing would start to burn-out the girls, but it's me who feeling the stress.

 

I guess you do what you gotta do.

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nlkflint

Ahhhh yes: I too was convinced that my girls would burn-out long before this, and long before mom would begin to suffer from ballet burn-out. Those classes, years ago, of creative movement at age 6 and 4 were just for musicality and grace; and feeling more comfortable than mom did when it came time for high school dances. Now the dances are in middle school; and who would have guessed that one of my two is "destined" in her mind to dance for a career. So, yes, mine went to ballet classes with underwear on, and barrettes in the hair, and with leotards from Target and shoes from Payless in the beginning. Until this clueless mom would get nudges from other moms, teachers etc. Or until oldest daughter would state, "But mom..." and explain to me how ignorant I was about all of this. And that she needed real ballet shoes and leo's (at two and three times the price, for both her and lil' sis.)

 

Any yes, this crazy ballet mom works nights on the computer, having found a second dream job in order to help cover all the expenses of SI's and training. And my day job is a darned good one at that.

 

Thank goodness I found this site when I did. Yup, I feel like a crazy ballet mom. And I hope I am the "good" type of crazy.... not the dreaded stage mom type!!!

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thedriver
A crazy ballet mother is a mother who hangs at the door, quizzes the dancer after each class, grabs the teacher for feedback everyday, gets mad at the dancer if they have a bad class, and/or forces the dancer to keep dancing when they want to quit.  Crazy ballet mothers also like to see other students fail and to constantly bore others with stories of how wonderful their dancer is and how all the teachers think they are the best.  Met any of those?

Pointetheway – Yes, there are 2 of these “balletmamas” at my DD’s studio. After class, these women will smile at other DKs with they have had a bad class, but glare at them when they have a good class. They have been known to come and observe a class even if their DD is absent. Sadly, several DKs have moved to other studios because of these women.

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vagansmom

Ah, we see them in all walks of life, even at academic school. When I was a classroom teacher in a mixed age class (6,7,8 year olds), I remember one mom in particular. Her 6 year old had entered the class that year. This mom snuck into the room one morning and HID herself under a desk so she could watch the class! Mind you, how could I teach while a very tall woman was silently scrunched up under a 1st. grade school desk and various little kids were coming up to me asking, "Why is Mrs. ___________hiding under the desk?"

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Guest dancinx2

Are the teachers unaware of the "crazy wacked - out moms" you speak of?? Does it help to say anything to the teacher? We have just changed schools somewhat do to the teacher, but also because of some of the mothers. Unfortunately, we meet again with some of these same types of mothers. Maybe it's just me, but dedicated ballet dancers should be rewarded because of their efforts, talents, and attitude, not because they have the mother with the biggest mouth.

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dancemomCA

:) Oh, vagansmom, that is just tooooooo funny.......I still can't stop laughing!!!!

 

Cheers!!

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msd

To thedriver...

 

I think you nailed it right on the head -- it is hard for the AD not to rely on those who want to help most...and sometimes those are the same people who are over-invested in a lot of ways in the studio.

Edited by msd

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thedriver
Are the teachers unaware of the "crazy wacked - out moms"

Dancinx2 – I think the teachers are in a precarious situation. On the one hand, they would probably prefer not to have these mothers hanging around the studio causing havoc, but they don’t want to hurt the DK, thus they tolerated the mom’s behavior. At my DD’s studio these are frequently the moms who volunteer for everything from repairing costumes, to running out and getting dinner for the teachers. It’s hard for the AD and teachers not to become dependent on these moms.

 

What surprises me most - is how these moms fail to see the long term consequences their behavior has on their DK and their non-DKs. I personally find these mom’s annoying but I feel very sad for their children.

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Cabriole
Are the teachers unaware of the "crazy wacked - out moms" you speak of??  Does it help to say anything to the teacher? 

Of course we are aware (we are, as a lot. all-knowing :wink: ), and when approached, we usually offer up 'coping strategies'. These people will always exist in some form; in studios, YAGP-type competitions, auditions, etc. They have a certain 'cycle', often burning out, but not before leaving some damage in their wake (small forces of nature, like tornadoes...). Navigating through them, takes skill, and like any other skill, takes practice... so my advice is to take advantage of every situation to hone your 'skills'; turn it around and make the 'obstacle' become your 'training environment'...

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Guest dancinx2

Yes, you are so right (thedriver), these are the moms that volunteer to help in every way possible and sometimes even have lots of money to donate to their daughters ballet company as well, I guess you can't blame some teachers for having to compensate these moms by giving their daughters better parts and more of the limelight, especially if the school is in a small town (as is here) and depends alot on donations and voluteer workers to get things done. But you are right also that it will take it's toll and their daughter will be the one to suffer. I try to tell my daughters that even though "so and so" got this part it doesn't always mean it's because of talent. Hopefully in the real dancing world ambition, motivation, and talent will prevail over money, arrogance and favors. Who knows?! :wink:

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freespirit

:wink: After reading these posts I'm feeling bad about volunteering!!! (Am I a crazy ballet mom if I volunteer?) I volunteer to help out during The Nutcracker and Spring Performance so I can stay involved in my daughter's life. My dd's only 10, and too soon she won't want me around. I love ballet too, and I feel it's something positive we can do together. I don't, however, hang around the studio all the time, and I'm thrilled when my dd's friends get good parts---There's a lot of good kids out there! I think volunteering is a great way to contribute back to the studio that teaches my dd so much!

 

Besides, at my studio, the scary moms are the ones on the ballet school board....

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thedriver

Freespirit – I’m against volunteerism when there is the expectation of a secondary gain. All situations are different. My DD’s studio just happens to have mothers that hang around the studio (even when their DK isn’t dancing), waiting for a chance to be “oh-so-helpful” to the AD or teachers. While at the studio these moms are not only repairing costumes, addressing labels, folding programs but subtly and not-so-subtly advancing their DKs.

 

Don’t get me wrong I like to volunteer. I spend one morning a week at the elementary school, that my daughter attended (she graduated 4 years ago) and I love it.

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