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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Help! I might be a crazy ballet mom!


dancindaughters

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A crazy ballet mother is a mother who hangs at the door, quizzes the dancer after each class, grabs the teacher for feedback everyday, gets mad at the dancer if they have a bad class, and/or forces the dancer to keep dancing when they want to quit.

 

We had a mom in our old studio who, among other things, would occasionally video her daughter in class through a window so she could critique her at home. Sadly, her daughter was showing some very unhealthy symptoms - both emotionally and physically - by the end of the year. I wonder why? :blushing:

 

I also witnessed another mom (who was obviously more involved in ballet than her child wanted to be) scolding her child for not wanting to take class that day. Daughter in tears: "But, mom, I feel sick." Mom: "Control yourself and get to class!"

 

Yikes!

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I'm feeling more and more sane as I read some of the different postings and threads! :blushing:

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I'm wondering if this would make any alarm bells go off in anyone else's head. Not too long ago one of the very wealthy moms had actually asked our AD if the studio was doing alright and if they needed her to write a check. This was said in front of other moms who were in the room. :blushing:

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I would think that the mother who offered the check would be worried that the other parents would think she had to "buy" her childs place in the company, especially if she isn't a very strong dancer.

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Guest dancinx2

Yes, I'm all for volunteering, I try to when I have time (with the farm and 6 kids), there's not always alot, but it does show my daughters I take added interest in their passion, BUT I don't do it with the expectation of ANYTHING. It's totally being supportive and courteous. Mom's who live their dream of dancing through their daughters should take a big look in a mirror!!!! If I came across some of the mothers talked about here on this board, I'd have a hard time NOT saying anything. I pay as much for classes as they and don't appreciate being pushed over. Sounds like a lot of us are quiet observers and don't like to make waves, so our daughters time, efforts, and talents will speak for themselves. :yes:

 

I'm not a big message board user, but I love these smilie thingys!!!!! :angry::mondieu:

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I have enjoyed this thread of discussion! Guess there really is nothing new under the sun.

 

I have some experience at our DD's studio with being caught up short at how to handle some of these parents. Two, in particular, basically haunt the halls, and appear to monitor EVERY aspect of their DKs life in studio. When I inquired of one why she spends so much time supervising, she made no significantly reasonable argument. No one is quite able to figure this out...it was so odd that these two have basically no life of their own...that they appear to completely define themselves through their children.

 

Another thing that I cannot understand is why the children themselves allow this of their parents. I wonder at the very sad ramifications it will have on their future relationships, not to mention what it is in the current parent/child relationships that promotes this behavior in the first place. As one of the affected DKs is an older teen, and that the parent's behavior must, unfortunately, curb some of the normalcy of DK's relationships with other students, why does the DK apparently continue to allow this of the parent?

 

I can truly understand a parent's need to peek in now and again to see the progress of their student, or to see the development of a new piece, or success in a difficult area that DK was working on. (I am an occasional peeker myself.) Anything beyond this takes it into an area where the teachers must do something on behalf of the poor peekee.

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Some of the parents at my dd's school have told me that their dd said "do not watch." These parents respect their wishes and only peek occasionally. Perhaps these other dancers you mention with the lurking moms don't feel comfortable telling their moms how they feel, or maybe they like it. It's a mystery.

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I've enjoyed reading this thread, and I must admit I probably come across as a little "crazy" at times to those either without children, or who have children with few outside interests. A few years back, I also willingly traded my lunch time for a hair-raising (at times) trip of about 45-50 miles round trip every day to pick my daughter up from school, take her by the house for a quick change and to grab a snack to eat in the car, deposit her at the studio door, and return to work for about an hour befor it was time to go pick her up. There was only about a five-minute cushion of time in case of traffic tie-ups, etc. (It was during this period I developed high blood pressure, by the way.) :sweating: More recently, most of the "crazy" things I have done have been done to find the funds to pay for this passion of my daughter's. (My husband lost a well-paying job about five years ago, and we decided to use his severance plus most of our savings and home equity to start a retail business--very bad decision!--which unfortunately closed about 10 months ago.) During this time, I have borrowed from my 401-K and taken any moonlighting job that comes along. I also have looked into things I wouldn't admit to most people :blushing: , like selling my blood (but I couldn't quite make myself do this) and signing up for an experimental program that was developing a remedy for those who have a reaction to the smallpox vaccine. (Hey, it would have paid about $900 for nine weeks of blood donations! But they wouldn't take me because of a medication I'm on.) Luckily, things are looking up now :thumbsup: and I haven't had to consider selling other body parts! :thumbsup:

 

I guess we all must be a little crazy, but it's amazed me what I've found myself doing (and considering) in the name of parental love! I guess the true test is if you guys think I'm crazy! :)

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Luckily, things are looking up now :flowers: and I haven't had to consider selling other body parts! :hyper:

This was too funny! The things we moms will do!

 

And, dancinx2...you wrote:

Sounds like a lot of us are quiet observers and don't like to make waves, so our daughters time, efforts, and talents will speak for themselves. smile.gif

 

You have said it truly well...if our DKs have it in them, they will make the steps forward in their own sincere desire and ONLY because of their own effort.

 

There is a certain level of integrity that I expected all of my children to have acquired by the age of 10. I'm happy to say that my DK has chosen wisely among the ballet friends and doesn't fall prey to the competition monsters that occasionally lurk the halls. It is such a shame that there are parents who actually invite them in.

 

Sorry, I think I went off topic again.

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