Dancer's siblings

[Guest dancinx2]

Hi again, just wondering, I not only have my twins who dance 4-5 days a week, but also have 4 other children!! (Yes, that makes 6). Sometimes I wonder if they will feel like I favored the twins because it seems like we (dad and I) spend so much time driving to class, rehersals, performances etc... The other children do each have an activity, but none are as intense as ballet has become for our family. It's a definate balance act, but when do you realize that it's become too much?? The girls keep adding classes each year and to stay competitive you have to do them, I'd hate to invest that time and money only to have the other kids resentful. There are only so many hours in a day.

[mom2]

I have NO idea how I'd manage if I were in your shoes. You have my utmost respect!

[Guest dancinx2]

Thanks for the support. I'm just praying each day this will somehow pay off in a big way for all of us!! I also homeschool in case there is any one out there with that in common as well. I find it's a great way to add Ballet History to the girls curriculum, plus it gives them time to spend with their siblings, if they weren't all home together, no one would know who our twins were, being gone all afternoon dancing!!

[mom1]

dancinX2, I share your struggle and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I have fewer children than you, but still I worry about all the time away from my other children. I try to spend one on one whenever I can. Even though it's not done often, I feel like an evening alone with one child for dinner and a movie, or something equivilant, goes along way for bonding and opening the lines of communication, as well as creating some nice memories.

 

I suppose we can only do the best we can...

[LRS]

I try and take ds with us as often as possible (with his sports schedule) to dance with us. The studio is an hour away so we have quality time together in the car and he gets to see his sister! We drop Dd off at the studio and go and do something together while she is in class. Dad and ds do a lot together those days that dd and I are gone. We just try to balance it out the best that we can.

 

Dd is gone dancing for a majority of the summer so we have a lot of 1 one 1 time then.

[sgmca]

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[Momof3darlings]

a halo just for you my dear.

 

It sounds like your husband is really involved in helping with the transportation which is a godsend. I think if each child is supportive of the other's activities then you're probably ok. Keep the lines of communication open with all the kids and you will be able to sense any issues that may arise. It is tough, no doubt.

 

Remember, that while your DD needs her 4-5 days of classes, There is nothing that says every now and then she can't miss dance to support her siblings in their activities or just to even have dinner at home with all the kids in one place. I think the balance is in aiming our DD's toward the goal they want by doing all we can but to also have them live so that they have a "life" to fall back on if they don't make their goal. And that life does involve a strong relationship with their family and friends.

 

vj

[Guest Megari]

I only have two children both dance but with an hour drive one way and classes 5 days a week the day seems to disappear. I also homeschool and make good use of the drive time for subjects like spelling and reading. We listen to Russian language cd's during the drive too. This allows more of our time at home to be quality time. Their classes are consecutive so we can find a little one on one time at the studio.

 

It sounds like you have a wonderful and understanding family!

[Guest balletandsynchro]

I strongly agree with momof3darlings that the DK should support the non-DK, and vice-versa. My synchro daughter goes to 1 Nut, and 1 spring show performance - DD MUST attend the Watershow, and 1 meet per year. Our dancers need to stay connected with their family - plus by making time for others they are less likely to feel that their endeavor is the most important. Unfortunately, I have seen some DKs that are SO catered to that they become rather selfish.

 

It is a juggle to make sure both of our children get to class or practice on time. It is always a gift when hubby is available to help out!

[Amy'sMom]

My DD is just finishing her first year with her school's youth ballet company. During the long, intense months of classes and rehearsals, there were times when her twin brother felt slighted. Fortunately, he has a good sense of humor, and we used this to smooth his ruffled feathers at times. At the company's performance, he noticed a page acknowledging the"Friends of the Youth Ballet". He commented that they should acknowledge the siblings and their long hours of sacrifice. Smiling, I told him we could call it "Orphans of the Youth Ballet". Laughing, he shot back, "No, how about 'Abandoned Children of the Youth Ballet!'"

 

Dancinx2, we homeschool too, and my son is involved in activities of his own, but like your children, none are as intense as his sister's ballet (by his own choice, I might add). We have discussed this a few times this year, and I have tried to help him understand his sister's passion for pursuing dance. When I asked if he would want her to give it up, he admitted he would not, because he knows how much she loves it. We have prayed through the bumpy parts, and have sought ways to help him not feel like he's the second class child. On the other hand, I also have talked to my DD, and she is sensitive to the fact that he does feel left out at times. To help him feel more involved, I recently asked him if he would mind filming rehearsals, etc. for me. This has helped him to discover a new love of his own...making films! He now spends much of the time he was alone working on ideas, and he and his friends have started their own movie company (for fun of course). They've produced some pretty clever stuff! Like sgmca suggests, I would just encourage you to communicate with the other children as much as possible, and help them through the rough spots when they feel left behind. Knowing (and hearing from you) that they are just as loved and cherished as your DDs is so important in helping them to not resent the time spent devoted to ballet.

My best wishes to you!

 

P.S. I just had a thought to share. Usually our daughters receive flowers at their performances. How about this year we also encourage our daughters to give a card or gift to their siblings, thanking them for THEIR sacrifices in allowing DDs to pursue their dreams?

[Babsaroo]

Dd has a twin brother who is very active in sports. My husband and I switch, swap and meet in between to support their very different interests. They both support each other within reason and with respect.

 

Last fall, I was worried that my son would feel left out. I babbled on and on about how we didn’t want to feel left out and that as sports increase, he will be more busy, etc. He finally looked at me and said “Mom, I didn’t know you were leaving me out of anything.”

 

On performance weekends, we’ve found ways to entertain our son. We take our RV to Austin. DD goes to rehearsals while dad and son fishes and does "boy camping things”. It’s become a fun part of our ballet journey. No tights snagged by fish hooks yet.

 

Like Amy’s mom, we have dd give her brother a gift of thanks for support and he does the same for her.

 

This summer, our son will be attending his first basketball camp the first week of dd’s SI. We’ve made the basketball camp as important as the SI, including a basket of surprise gifts to open the first night.

 

I like to think this will be a wonderful life lesson of respect and appreciation for individuality while fostering family support for each other. It may be painful at times, difficult to manage, and maddening but in the long run, it will show just how much family members love each other and what they are willing to do for each other.

[Guest dancinx2]

I loved the "Abandoned Children of the Youth Ballet", my oldest daughter, who doesn't dance definately related to that label!! Yes, it's great that dad helps out quite a bit here, but I'll add too that we also have a Dairy Farm, so Spring and Summer he is very busy here at home, so I truck all 6 around to dance class, music lessons, baseball, gymnastics, and I try to work out at the club too!! Gosh, writing it all out I don't know how I do it!! I'm glad there are others out there making a go of it to, Ballet is definately an art form to keep around. Thanks for the support.

 

Has anyone out there ever made their own lamb's wool for pointe shoes sheared from the sheep? I'm thinking of investing in some sheep this summer, the way the girls plow through the wool for their feet, and it's not cheap, I thought I could "grow" my own.

[mydarlindancer]

P.S.  I just had a thought to share.  Usually our daughters receive flowers at their performances.  How about this year we also encourage our daughters to give a card or gift to their siblings, thanking them for THEIR sacrifices in allowing DDs to pursue their dreams?

That is such a wonderful idea...and would clearly demonstrate the dancing sib's acknowledgement of the sacrifices that the rest of the family has to make in order for the dancing to be accomplished. Thanks for sharing this one, Amy's mom!

 

Although dd at this home has much older sibs, there are still a few times when choices are sometimes made in deference to the ballet, and so much more energy has been put into this through the years than the sibs ever needed.

[Guest clickhere]

Dear dancinx2,

 

My children are younger than yours, 7, 5, 4, 2 and the 2004 model arriving in Oct. I already feel like my life is revolving around my oldest (the dancer). I hate that feeling.

 

Dh has already accused me of favoring her (but then again he's always accusing me of favoring somebody or another - his mother was a big favorer and he wasn't it so he is quite watchful of that kind of behavior). I don't usually have to haul everyone around and we are only on the 2 day a week plan at this age. We tasted the 3 and 4 day a week thing for the last couple months. DD was preparing for a solo so we had private lessons in addition to regular classes. It was really hard on us.

 

We homeschool, too. DH works early mornings to about 3ish most days, so I don't usually have to take everyone when I go to ballet. I was kind of hoping they like having me gone at some point during the day, ha ha.

 

Really, though, this doesn't work for you, but one thing I think I am going to try is taking a different sibling with us each time we go to ballet. That way, I can rotate one on one time with the children. There never seems to be enough time for that.

 

We aren't into sports or anything yet with the boys. They like to skateboard with dad. The thought of t-ball and little league makes me shudder. Seems like with sports there are MORE practices and MANY MORE performances (games, ha ha).

 

I really liked it when I had all smalls ages 5 and under and we didn't leave the house unless forced by sickness or starvation. Much calmer...

 

I guess I just wanted to say, (but to a lesser degress) "I feel your pain!"

[Guest balletandsynchro]

As I mentioned above, my swimming daughter has a very,very, busy schedule - especially now with the 1st qualifying meet. Plus, the swimsuits are every bit as elaborate as a tutu - I spent 12 hours decorating her trio suit! When each child is a "pre-pro" level in her own endeavor, it is difficult to ensure each child gets where she needs to go. Fortunately, our DD's studio is near to our home, and I am lucky to have other moms willing to pick up DD when we have a conflict - such as this Saturday! It is so important that each child know that her activity is just as important as her sister's. My husband and I try very hard not to have one daughter having her class or practice time be more important than the other one's is. It is hard though, during Nutcracker time! Fortunately, synchro daughter's National competition comes during SI for sis, so that's a little easier!