Career: Normal life possible?

[Balletmartyr]

Reading each day makes me wonder if it is possible for a dancer to go pro living a normal life...meaning taking classes, attending SI programs, and attending a regular High School? Is this asking too much, or do we all have to look ahead to boarding schools, special coaching, and little time to be teenagers? I have been parenting for over 20 years and find this dd(14 years old) to be my greatest challenge, not due to behavior, but because I am so ill-prepared as a ballet mom.

Thoughts from the teachers would be helpful.

[Victoria Leigh]

It's possible to a certain extent, but that depends on where you are and what the training is like there. IF the dancer can get the training needed and stay home, there is no need for a boarding situation. I do not recommend it for anyone who has professional quality training at home. However, if you live in an area where the training is not sufficient, then I'm afraid it will not be possible.

[vrsfanatic]

I am assuming that you do have good professional training available for your daughter. If so follow Ms. Leighs advice, if not...consider Ms. Leigh's advice.

 

If you are able to adjust your daughter's academic schedule, this could help to relieve a bit of the stress on all of you. I know it did help me quite a bit. The reality is however that the older the student gets, the more difficult it is to handle the very complex schedule.

 

There are different stresses involved in having your child live away from home. Many aspects of the life are easier on the student and family alike, however it is an adjustment for the entire family. There are even some stresses that are just totally unexpected. There is no easy answer on this one!

 

A parent who tries to do what is best for a child, is living up to a very big challenge. Finding the best training available to her/him is quite an accomplishment. As I find myself saying to my students, "there is no crystal ball. No one can answer this for you." Follow your heart.

[Ballet Taxi]

A parent who tries to do what is best for a child, is living up to a very big challenge. Finding the best training available to her/him is quite an accomplishment. As I find myself saying to my students, "there is no crystal ball. No one can answer this for you." Follow your heart. 

 

...Ah... therin lies the rub! Sometimes it's obvious when a school can't provide the training necessary but for the average ballet mom (like me) it may be difficult to determine the level of training your dd is actually receiving! In our case, I feel we have good training as judged by the resulting professional dancers and the fact that our pre-professional company/dance academy is only 11 years old. (The AD is just now beginning to see the real results of her efforts as the kids are just now "coming of age"! She trained one in the IBC last summer and it was so fun to have a special connection!)

 

My daughter is only 12 (which I learned from BalletTalk is still young in the ballet world and which I'm thrilled to find out), and I really can't say if she will try to take this to the professional level. (Not to mention my lack of knowledge in regard to her ability to do so!) However, it's what she's passionate about NOW so I certainly want the best training for her. She looks forward to the long hours of extra rehearsals and she toughed out being an apprentice this year with kids younger than herself because she got started here later than most of the girls her age. As a result of her passion and hard work (and IMHO, excellent training/motivation), she will be "caught up" so-to-speak by next year. Beyond that, I will follow her lead.

 

It would be nice to have a "checklist" of sorts but IMHO, that would be difficult to do with anything related to the arts! However, I ran across this thread in the archives that you may find helpful as you evaluate your situation:

 

Pre-professional schools?

[GretchenStar]

I know of some dancers who had "normal" lives and went on to ABT. They attended regular high school (although were allowed to leave early, in place of P.E. or elective class), lived at home, trained at the local studio, attended summer programs. One of the dancers who was my classmate was also a member of the honor/magnet program in middle and high school.

 

I would think it depends on several factors, such as the quality of training at the local studio, personality of the student (some students can handle a lot, some prefer not to), etc etc...

[Memo]

I would think it depends on several factors, such as the quality of training at the local studio, personality of the student (some students can handle a lot, some prefer not to), etc etc...

 

I think at 14 if they are getting good training they should still be at home. The Royal Ballet School does not like to take overseas students till they are at least 16. I personally went away at 15 and should have stayed at my home school another year, I thought I was ready but I was not mature enough. There is no right answer for anyone. If someone struggles academically then perhaps an environment where there is more free time (my guess this is at boarding school) or with an early release might be less pressure for them. If school is a breeze for them, then maybe they can manage a regular schedule plus dance.

I truly believe that a dancer needs a transition between a professional company and a home ballet school, its a right of passage, but that is just my opinion. For some kids/parents that is after high school for some its before. To go from living at home to touring and rehearsing with a company would be a very tough adjustment.

[dancemomCA]

Memo - I think that the early release program has made my son a better dancer and more importantly a better academic student. When he lived at hom and danced at a local studio, he didn't start dance classes until after a full day of school, then danced often well into the evening. Then, he had to come home and do his homework, sometimes until late into the evening, wake up tired and start the cycle all over again. It was not an ideal life or schedule. Now that he lives and trains where he has early release, his marks have improved dramatically. Going to school AND dancing during the day before 5PM allows him free time to complete his homework after dinner (unless there are rehearsals - which only occur certain times during the year). Plus Sunday is OFF - no dance. The downside is that he is away, but so far, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

[its the mom]

I guess I'll play the devil's advocate on this one. I know there are several threads going on right now about "living a normal life" and to what point parents are willing to go to make "ballet happen." I guess this family is one of those which has crossed over the line and, in most people's opinions, probably gone off the deep end. We have not lived a "normal life." I guess our thought process was this. DD was dancing recreationally until 13. The studio was a good one, albeit small. DD decided she'd like to pursue dance and her director advised sending her to another school. The family had to decide what to do at that point. We asked several people for their opinions. Did DD possibly have what it takes? Ultimately, we prayed and felt that it was something we should do. So, we moved for DD, although dad stayed behind and came on weekends. It turned out to be a good choice for us and for DD. We gave her the best situation we could at the time, hoping that if this was really her calling, it would work out.

 

Now, did DD live a normal life? No, absolutely not. She was always homeschooled, so her school situation did not change much. But now, she had to maintain her homeschooling schedule and grades, and put in more hours at dance. Very little time was left for other activities or a "normal" social life. She decided to graduate a year early, which made her school requirements even heftier. Her would-be junior year of high school consisted of nothing but school and dance - classes, rehearsals, coaching, etc. No proms, no senior activities, just an occasional movie, party, etc. She was offered an apprenticeship at the age of 16, and has danced her would-be senior year with Boston Ballet. So, at 17, just turning 18, she is working at something she loves. Many of her friends from home are graduating - some are off to company schools, some are getting jobs with companies, some are off to college. She has found this year to be a struggle in that she feels she is "in a different place" than most of her friends. The maturity level required to be in a company has in some ways separated her from them. She feels "older" in so many ways. However, if you were to ask her if she would do it all over again, she would say YES!!!

 

Now we have DS to contend with. At 12, just turning 13, his life is quite different from other boys around him. He loves doing regular "boy" things, but we have had to carve time out of his schedule to accomplish this. We continue to ask him if this is what he wants to be doing, and he is thus far very happy. In fact, two days a week, he gets up extremely early to start schoolwork so that he can attend an open class with his men's teacher. No pushing from us - on his own. But he is young, this can all change.

 

IMO, when pursuing a career in dance, it is difficult to live what most people would consider a normal life. It would be the same if my kids were pursuing gymnastics, skating, swimming, or any other activity with this much passion. I have a friend whose son is pursuing an acting career, and between school, auditions, shows, and traveling in between, this young man finds it difficult to live a "normal" life. Whether the child is at boarding school, or is pursuing dance at a school near home, the hours necessary to accomplish "school" and excellence in dance, make it near impossible to have a "normal" life. We, as parents, must weigh all of this seriously. Are we, and more importantly, are they willing to live a life dedicated to serious pursuit? My husband and I decided we would give them the best we could give them, but let them lead, so to speak. DS wants to continue, and number three (a son - 6 years old) wants to take ballet class and play baseball. Interesting mix. For us, normal life has become a life centered around the ballet, but I guess we'll be hitting the baseball fields soon. Good, bad, we don't know. Will we all regret not having lived a "normal life?" We hope not. For now, it is what it is, and everyone seems happy.

[Alina]

I am not a parent but a teacher and former professional dancer. I have now been in the business professionally for over 30 years! In my training; pre-professional years as part of the "old world" system, we were required to live as nuns! No boyfriends, sports, other extra curricular activities. Go to your prom!!!!! Forget it back then! Do I or did I regret it? Not one bit! As hard as it could be, it gave me tremendous joy and satisfaction. But times have changed. It is harder now to get a job. All the work, while beneficial in many, many ways does not in this present day have the same probability of the career I dreamed of and fortunately had. But in the end, as I see it, the student (child) makes the choice. The key is allowing them to choose while still guilding them. As we all know, the majority of life's achievements require commitment and dedication. Ballet requires more than most. Whatever a child aspires to deserves support, an occasional dose of reality, a plan B, and in the end a comforting shoulder if it doesn't pan out. I still believe that ballet training translates to better focus and success somewhere in most students’ lives. But missing an occasional class for an important family or social event is minor in the scheme of things. Weighing it out with a broader focus can be very beneficial.

[vagansmom]

Great post, Alina. Thank you.

[Bubblegirl864]

I'm not a parent, but my best friend has lived a "normal life" attending a local dance school (we live in NJ and she could have attended any NYC school), going to regular high school, never leaving early, and she could hang out with everyone and will next year be dancing with a company. She was accepted to an ivy-league college, but chose to defer. She was offered a spot at SAB year round, but refused and now she's going to be dancing with a great company. So although its not the norm, it is possible.

[Momof3darlings]

IMO, when pursuing a career in dance, it is difficult to live what most people would consider a normal life. It would be the same if my kids were pursuing gymnastics, skating, swimming, or any other activity with this much passion

 

This may be so key in why parenting a dancer is so hard in terms of knowing if what you are doing will be worth it job wise. (Whether or not my DD gets a job dancing, I think I will still feel the journey has been a good one!)

 

In the sports you mentioned there are checkpoints along the way to check the growth and development of the child with clear results you can check. Meaning, if you are in skating, gymnastics or swimming you are also enrolled in competitions where there is placement and a system (even a flawed one) that shows you who the up and coming athletes are to watch for and who are being watched. And if you are not "ranked" in those sports, you know that you may reach college ranks but not professional status. Those ranked nationally know that if all falls into place, professionalism is within reach.

 

For dance, you work and work and if you're lucky and extremely talented, you may be "handpicked" by 16 or 17. But for most, all you have to go on is SI acceptances, teacher insight and the hope that the training you have picked will get you where you want to be. It may or it may not. The results are after the fact and after alot of guesswork on a parents part. I guess that's why so many of us look here for support. It's hard to know if you're doing the right thing with so few checkpoints in the dance world. But, we love doing it all the same!

 

vj

[vrsfanatic]

In the sports you mentioned there are checkpoints along the way to check the growth and development of the child with clear results you can check. Meaning, if you are in skating, gymnastics or swimming you are also enrolled in competitions where there is placement and a system (even a flawed one) that shows you who the up and coming athletes are to watch for and who are being watched. And if you are not "ranked" in those sports, you know that you may reach college ranks but not professional status. Those ranked nationally know that if all falls into place, professionalism is within reach.

 

I am not quite sure where professional status in skating, gymnastics and swimming will take an athlete. I guess skating has the various ice show companies, but what sort of paying job do gymnasts and swimmers have other than coaching? Are there well known ice skaters who have not won major prizes in competitions? Do these ice shows provide a more consistant income than being in the corps of a ballet company?

[Guest balletandsynchro]

vrsfanatic makes a very good point above - and it's not just those sports listed in the quote! In synchronized swimming at the International level (and frankly most people in the US make as much fun of synchronized swimmers as ballet dancers ) , there is a US Olympic team and a Junior National and Senior National team. This covers approximately 40-45 girls. After that? Coaching, or for one 26 yo who was on our team - she swam with Shamu at Sea World!

 

SynchroDaughter would like to swim at the collegiate level - but after that...

 

And anyway, how much do those WNBA athletes earn in a year? We saw a game last August - it was a lot of fun and exciting - but the arena wasn't very full...

[its the mom]

I do agree it is difficult parenting a dancer. That is why it is very important to get our children into pre-professional schools of repute. Has the school produced dancers in the past? Does the school offer enough classes? In addition, it is important to get feedback from teachers. In the teacher's opinion or the school principal's opinion, does the child have what it takes? Is the child progressing? That's why it's really wonderful when a school offers evaluations. Correct me if I am wrong, but under some ballet teaching systems there are, in fact, tests that children must pass in order to move on to the next level.

 

It's not easy. I brought up those other sports to make the point that excellence in any pursuit takes alot of time. I presume there are always exceptions, some who are just so naturally talented, that it takes very little effort on their part. I don't think that is the norm, however.