When (if ever) is it OK to question a teacher?

[Guest justthedriver]

I'm grateful to have Parents of Boys to ask this to; I'm not sure what to do. My son has a new teacher this year, new to the studio and new to teaching. He says she's a yeller, doesn't give corrections OR support, and is sarcastic. She does seem a little edgy, even with parents, that sort of smiling thru gritted teeth thing. I know he gets grief about dancing at his regular school, which he pretends to shrug off but which I know hurts. Maybe he's just using this as an excuse to retreat; I gather that's not unusual at this age (12) He loved his old teachers, both here and at his SI. I don't want to make it worse by stepping in when I shouldn't. Should I just encourage him to suck it up, use it as a character building experience? Or is there a time and a way to choose to intervene? Thanks!

[MJ]

Driver,

I live in Stamford, and may know the teacher. I think you should speak to the teacher yourself (alone if possible) and mention what your son has said to you. Mention your son wants more corrections, and needs more encouragement.

It is very hard to maintain control in a room full of teenagers, someteachers try to over compensate by yelling.

I bet you will see improvement after that.

 

Mike

[Avalon]

Driver,

 

I have been in a similar situation with my DS (now 14). The teacher in this case was a highly respected former professional classical ballerina who had been teaching for 30 years. She was not much of a "yeller," but the sarcasm was quite intense at times and there was often an atmosphere of intimidation in her classroom. DS seemed to retain his composure most of the time, with excellent support for the other dancers (all girls who had, at one time or another, been on the receiving end of this teacher's sarcasm), but things reached a critical mass for me over the course of one term. As I was an adult student at the same studio, I decided to speak to the teacher on my son's behalf. Of course, carefully chosen words are important in situations like this. I emphasized the positives we had seen under her instruction and avoided any personal affront. I came away with a much clearer perspective of the teacher's philosophy of dance training and was able to use this understanding in supporting DS. I also learned, I think inadvertantly, as she did not intend to communicate this so clearly, that this teacher had issues with males in dance in general; this insight helped DS to avoid taking her judgments personally. Ultimately, I think there was renewed respect on all of our parts after this conversation, and I agree with MJ that you might consider approaching this teacher directly. I hope it goes well for you.

[Guest justthedriver]

Thank you both; Mike, I'm not near Stamford, so it's probably not the same person, but interesting to know it's a definite type!

My son had suggested that he felt the teacher didn't like boys; I dismissed this out of hand, since I can't imagine ANYone not liking boys - but maybe I was wrong to do so. In any case, I'm going to gird my loins, choose my words, and wade in there as soon as I can buttonhole the lady in question. Again, thanks for your input. Wish me luck!

[dancemomCA]

Justthedriver - I feel for your son who is getting grief at school, plus this sarcastic teacher. My DS was in the same predicament for years, until we walked from one studio to another. I simply gave up on the first studio, it wasn't just so much the teachers, but also the girls' attitude towards the boys in general. My son just hated going to this one class - only boy in a room full of girls who looked down their nose at him. I mean, does ballet really exist without the guys???

 

As Avalon stated, your son's teacher might not have a good attitude towards boys in general - wouldn't be the first time. Or maybe she's insecure and feels that to remain in control she must be aloof and/or sarcastic - what are her teaching credentials? Has she had experience teaching boys?

 

I support your decision to have a chat with his teacher - just feel her out and see where she is coming from as far as teaching is concerned and how she feels about boys in dance.

 

My son is now in a residential program, where artistic temperments still get the best of teachers at times, but on the whole, the teachers have been a very supportive and encouraging group - he has blossomed under their instruction.

 

Good luck!

N

[Guest justthedriver]

Dancemom, thanks for your insights. This teacher's fresh out of university; no experience but a degree in dance pedagogy. Like yours, my son's the only boy, which hasn't been a problem, really, for him in terms of the other students. And, again, just with this teacher. Maybe it is a boy thing. Jeesh, isn't having to change in the bathroom punishment enough?

[Avalon]

Me, again...

 

I recently had a conversation with a school administrator that reminded me of this thread, so I wanted to add a few comments, not about the teacher issue, but about justthedriver's DS and his experience at school. Much to my surprise, we have not had this concerns with our DS. I'm not sure why this is, exactly (might be that he is in a very small school) but there are two things we as parents have done to facilitate DS and peer relations.

 

Whenever DS is in a significant performance, we offer to take his male class mates (there are only five of them) with us to see that performance. Afterward, we usually go for pizza or ice cream and talk about the world of dance, the boys' impressions of the performance, etc. I think this approach has really debunked some of the stereotypes that other boys may have; many boys have never been exposed to the worls of dance at all. In the June dance show, DS participates in all kinds of dance, so his peers feel they can related to this, but often the performances he is in are very classical, with white tights and blousy tops, and lovely, talented young girls in beautiful costumes. I do think this as well has made an impression on some of his young friends.

 

We have also discussed DS's extra-curricular commitment to dance with teachers and other school officials and have invited them to see him perform. I raise this strategy because teachers in your son's school may have no idea of his interest in and commitment to dance and may find ways to spread the word more positively among his peer group. This has clearly been the case for our son, but only after we took the initiative to inform school personnel of DS's interest and the intensity of his training. The basketball coach told the team that he wished all of his players could take dance for its coordination-improving effects. At one point, the school even bought a very expensive sponsorship add in the program when our son danced with the local symphony. This kind of communal support can go a long way to offset whatever negative peer comments come your son's way.

 

Just some thoughts here. Twleve is so impressionable an age for your son and I hope he does not get dissuaded from his pursuit of dance because of these kinds of distractions.

[Swanilda]

I hope you don't mind a reply from a young teacher...I honestly don't feel that there is ever a need or an excuse for rudeness in the classroom...whether it comes from teachers or students. It's possible that a young teacher fresh out of college with a pedagogy degree is very insecure about her teaching (as most young teachers are) and may not have the best social skills to handle her insecurity in a productive way. I hope you do talk to this teacher and figure out what's up. I always tell my kids that you can't balance, turn or beat if you are tense...and certainly a teacher shouldn't bemaking the kids MORE tense! Hope all works out.

[Guest justthedriver]

Dear Posting pals -

 

Thanks so much for your imput on this. Swanhilda, I think you're right here; being new at teaching is pretty scary, and sometimes worries about classroom control can make even a well intentioned new teacher get too tough. Here's how it played out. I wrote a letter to the teacher - which my son read, then decided he didn't want delivered. He wanted to handle it himself - he'd thought about the new teacher problems, and as his dad's a teacher had pity on the young lady. He went into class determined to show his support by being extra-polite and working his hardest. And she noticed! ANd complimented him. And the tension seems to have eased. I'm glad I offered to intervene - and glad in this case that he weighed that and chose to work harder on the relationship , and on himself, first.

You guys rock.

[Memo]

Off topic a bit, but the boys at our school have a great relationship with the girls in class. They get along really well and the boys seem to have the ability to "break the tension" between the girls somewhat. Not that we have much tension these days they all get along so well that sometimes they are too social! They seem to genuinely care about eachother and have a really good time. I do think some teachers are not sure how to handle boys and their energy as many of them have had little experience with them. Last year I had up to 7 boys old enough and capable of doing pas de deux this year I have 2 (the others went on to other things or got dance jobs) but I have another 5-7 little boys. The attitude of the bigger guys really does trickle down also so its important to develop a positive environmnet for boys to flouish and feel comfortable. And they are not the same as the girls and cannot be expected to behave and relate in the same way.

[Guest Bryan Lawrence]

I'm grateful to have Parents of Boys to ask this to; I'm not sure what to do. My son has a new teacher this year,  new to the studio and new to teaching.  He says she's a yeller, doesn't give corrections OR support, and is sarcastic. She does seem a little edgy, even with parents, that sort of smiling thru gritted teeth thing. I know he gets grief about dancing at his regular school, which he pretends to shrug off but which I know hurts.  Maybe he's just using this as an excuse to retreat; I gather that's not unusual at this age (12) He loved his old teachers, both here and at his SI. I don't want to make it worse by stepping in when I shouldn't. Should I just encourage him to suck it up, use it as a character building experience? Or is there a time and a way to choose to intervene? Thanks!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think the problem here is that the teacher is just finding her way. She is probably feeling very uncomfortable and unsure of herself. The shouting is to do with trying to give the impression that she is confident and knowledgable. Being criticised at the moment could be devastating for her. I understand your son's feelings so it is rather a problem. The teacher will have to change or she will either not be popular or the pressure will just become too much for her.