Dealing without Dancing

[balletstar811]

Hi! I recently realized once and for all that I can never make it as a dancer. Though I was good (apparently), I was never great and breathtaking and such. Thus, I decided to stop dancing. It took up six days out of seven of my time, and I was at the studio for hours upon hours, my parents spent sooo much money.... they convinced me to get a job and earn some spending money for college because they said there was no reason for me to continue with dance if I wasn't going to do anything with it. The problem is, it was keeping my heart alive! I loved and still love dance so deeply, with such buried and exploding passion! It was my outlet, my one way to express the very chords of music and of my feelings! Everytime I think about it, I start crying. I even dreamt of dance last night, and woke up crying! It's terrible, I am devestated. There are have open classes at my school, but I fear I'll be awful since I haven't put my ballet shoes on in quite some time. Coping with this decision is not as easy as anyone told me it would be....

[Victoria Leigh]

balletstar, perhaps if your parents read the above post, and realized how much dance means in your life, they would understand that just because you are not going to dance professionally, you do not have to stop dancing. By the way, how and why did you come to this decision? Are you really sure that you would not be able to do it professionally? Did your teachers tell you to give up? Did anyone counsel you as to all of the other avenues that one can pursue in dance besides making it to ABT or NYCB? With that much background in dance, are you not thinking of staying with it in college?

 

I think it's time for a meeting with a caring teacher who can help you understand that there are more roads available than you might think to remain on track for a life in the dance world, if that is your passion. While not everyone can make a major classical company, as you mature and receive further education in all aspects of dance and theatre, you could well discover a love and great ability to perform in another area of dance, such as modern or even Broadway. You might fall in love with dance history, criticism, journalism, costuming, lighting, teaching, choreography, stage design, etc. etc. This world could open up to you in a good college dance program.

 

Unless you have another goal, or another passion, I don't see why you should totally throw away all those years of intensive study. And, even if you don't continue in an "on track" intensive program, DO continue to dance! It is way too important a part of your life to just leave.

[angel_lissa_91]

I agree with Ms. Leigh!

If you truely love ballet that much then you should talk to your parents! I think that they will understand that you love ballet so much!!

[balletstar811]

Well, one of the reasons I stopped was that I didn't move up a level. I had a meeting with the artistic director, and lead teacher, and she said I needed to lose weight and work on my posture. I worked so hard everyday on my posture last year. Her words were crushing. Throughout the meeting I was clenching my teeth as hard as I could so I wouldn't bawl in front of her. You must understand that she isn't a very caring and supportive woman. She's often cold, harshly strict, and is extremely obvious about favorites. Though every single class I worked as hard as I possibly could, sweating like crazy, legs shaking as I rotated them as much as possible, eyes focused and arm movements artisitc and passionate, she often breezed by me as if I wasn't even alive. It was the most frustrating thing in the world, working for... nothing. I never got spectacular roles, was never front and center, was not paid much attention. That school, as excellent and wonderful as it is, is not good for people that the teachers don't see as star potential. They like the young ones, the ones they think have a future in ballet. I was in level four out of six for one year, then 4/5 last year. I was convinced I'd move up to five for this year. However, my mother refused to allow me to do the summer program. I cried to her, we argued, I stomped and yelled and tried to sway her, but she was adamant. I had no choice but to not dance all summer. Sure, I worked in my bedroom and basement, but my teacher didn't see me. So she told me that since I wasn't there to work on "my posture" I wasn't moving to level 5. Now, all of my friends moved up and all the little girls from level 3 moved to level 4. So did I want to dance with little 10-year-olds? I think not. After I worked so hard, I was determined to change her mind. I went into the studio at the end of the summer, hoping to talk to my teacher. She was in a meeting. I left a message with the lady at the desk, asking her to call me. She never called. So I called them back, inquiring if she got the message. "Jamey did get your message, and she WILL call you back," was the response. I even called again. Did she ever call me back? No. I was heartbroken. I knew my days of dancing were through. I just couldn't bear to be in level 4 for a third year. I wanted to be in 5 so badly, I tried so hard to reach her; but she didn't care about me, not one bit. Everyone may say she's a great teacher. Sure, she may be strict and we may all advance as dancers, but I see a great teacher as someone who cares about all of her students and even if she doesn't want to change her mind about someone, would get back to the student to at least let them know. I figured that since she cared so little about me, there was no sense in returning. I would only be unhappy there, since she would pretend I didn't exist. I always thought the ones that worked the hardest received recognition and praise... boy was I wrong. Sorry this anecdote has been so long, but there was indeed more to the story I posted earlier. Will my heart ever heal? Oh no. I will be forever scarred and bitter, I am sure. I do want to take open class, but I don't know how I could see all those people again -- you know, it'd be strange since I kinda quit... and like I said before, I haven't danced since June . So what can I do? You say I should talk to a caring teacher about other careers in dance. I can't see my teacher even remembering my name now that I left, if she couldn't even take five minutes to call me before I was completely out of her life. Gosh I wish this path was clearer and didn't lead to an abrupt fall off of a cliff. Thank you so much for listening. I know you'll have some advice for me, as you've always been so caring and helpful.

[Victoria Leigh]

Go to a different school, balletstar. That school where you were has obviously not been helpful to you, so, it's time to move. Not studying in the summer was obviously a problem, and that is understandable. Dancers at your age must dance in the summer. However, since you say she was never interested in you, then I would say to change schools.

[balletstar811]

Well, Ms. Leigh the problem there is that there are no other actual ballet schools around here. They are all competition schools that do not specialize in ballet. I don't think I could return to that. I guess it's over for me then. I didn't mean to sound like that school hasn't been helpful. I think I reached a level I never could have reached anywhere else because of the strict teaching and encouragement to strive for perfection. I probably became the best dancer I could be... just not in the most favorable of environments (that one teacher ...). I do owe her the credit of teaching me about a million life lessons though, not only about ballet (dedication, perseverance, motivation, etc.) Well, at least I'll be an appreciaiting spectator of ballet. I will certainly remain active in the ballet world, such as going to see the Nutcracker -- how strange it will be to be an audience member! And I know I should have danced in the summer, but it isn't fair that I should be accused. It was entirely my parents' fault. I guess no one is sympathetic to my story. I probably just didn't really work enough, like outside of class and such. Maybe someday I'll get over this, but who knows.

[Victoria Leigh]

balletstar, no one is accusing you of anything! I certainly did not intend that at all, and I'm very sorry if it sounded like that. I do understand and sympathize with you, and was just hoping that there would be another school you could attend. I don't think you should have to give up your passion for dance because of one teacher. Is it possible that you could try to have another talk with her, but in person, not on the phone? Explain to her your feelings for dance, and how much you want to do it, and the reasons you could not dance in the summer, etc.? Sometimes I think teachers can give the wrong impressions to a student, and perhaps it is not that she doesn't like you. Maybe she can explain things better in terms of why you did not move up, and what you need to do to make the move. Sometimes when we have a student who is almost ready to move to another level we will place them in that level for one class a week, in addition to the classes in their regular level. When we see that they are ready for the new level, they get moved up to all the classes in that level. Perhaps she would be willing to let you try that.

[balletstar811]

Thank you, Ms. Leigh.

[balletstar811]

So I went to class last night! It felt sooooo good to be back in the studio! I wasn't as awful as I expected, but let me tell ya, you don't realize how much your calves work until you've had an extended break from ballet. Doing it everyday, they were used to the rigors of the jumps and balances, etc... but I could barely walk today, especially up and down stairs! Ha even pressing on the gas and brake pedals of my car felt arduous. Anywhoo, I plan on attending each open class offered- which is Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. I'll work back into it. I just am wondering how long you think it will take to get back to the level I was at in June? I know last night I had the most trouble jumping and making my legs move really quickly. They felt like lead. Last year everything felt so easy -- the turns, the jumps, the balances -- I always danced with a smile because I loved it and it wasn't horribly difficult (just perfecting it all with the precise rotation and arms and such was the task... I definitely don't mean it was a breeze because obviously ballet is not near that!) I know to not get discouraged, I just hope it doesn't take a really long time to adjust and have it feel easier again. Thank you!

[Victoria Leigh]

You were out a long time, balletstar. It will take some time to get back to where you were, and you have to allow yourself that time. You can't force it to happen overnight! Just accept it, and do your best, and don't expect too much too quickly. It WILL come back, but I wish that you could have more classes than 3 days. That would make it happen a lot faster.

[balletstar811]

I definitely wish that too, Ms. Leigh, with all my heart. But that would mean enrolling again in regular classes and dancing 5-6 days per week. My mom wouldn't go for that... at least not right now. I think I'll take open class for only a few weeks to get my strength and confidence back at least a little bit. Then maybe I can bring up going back to dance for real with my mom and my teacher?

[flygirl]

Thank you for posting these private thoughts. As a parent of a teenage dancer I appreciate reading them so much. Your passion, your pride....makes my heart swell. You have articulated for so many your love of dance and the depth of your feelings and your need to be part of the dance world. Stay connected no matter what. Don't let that part of your soul slip away...you are so incredibly fortunate to have found a passion.

[Guest annieh]

Balletstar, My daughter dances at that school too. Last year she and was out for 8 weeks due to a serious injury. They basically wrote her off. She got no credit for making up all of her classes, the teacher didn't even write her attendance down! She attended the summer program and improved from what she had lost immensley. I know the group of students that she dances with very well and some got moved up that in my opinion were not ready. There will always be politics and we just live with it. My daughter got left behind, without a reason or information on what needed improvement. She was penalized for her injury. She has continueed to work hard and be recognized. It is starting to happen, she is getting alot of compliments now. I believe that when she finally gets to where she should be already she will fly! My advice is to do exactly what you are doing. Keep Dancing! There is one particular instructor that teaches 2b-3a that has been teaching for a long time. I think you know who I am talking about. If you feel comfortable; talk to her. Tell her exactly how you feel. I think that she will understand and be a good coach. She will at least listen and that would help alot.

 

I love horses when I was a child and was never good at riding! I still have horses, I still don't ride well but I still love horses and I still will never give up! And I still love what I am doing and the benefits I get are far better then not doing it at all.

[shulie]

I experienced a similar thing: I started to get serious about ballet at the age of 14 having a pro career in mind. Of course 14 was far too late to start and my school was not sufficient enough and so at the age of 18 1 /2 I realized that no matter how much time, money and effort I would continue to put into my dancing I would never have the chance to go pro. It was all too late.

At this time I also graduated from school and pursued my voice education- all that plus the frustration not being able to go pro did make me stop doing ballet.

 

Wrong decision. My physical and mental health went downhill- I got into a big depression with a beginning anorexia (crazy- not doing ballet made me kind of anorexic!) and was seeing a psychiatrist.

 

1 year ago (I now am 21) I discovered ballet was the key to my health and happiness. I started taking classes again and within one week of training I felt a thousand times better. It was like coming home.

Sure it is frustrating to get all the lost strength and flexibility back but I got strong enough to be back on pointe and I can see and feel improvements in my technique and strength every day.

 

So good you take ballet again! Even if you only can afford 1 or two dancing days a week pursue doing it because it keeps you happy.

[Guest annieh]

Balletstar, Hope things are going well for you. I have done some research and there is an option to consider in our area if you feel things are not progressing for you. Let me know if you want some help!!!