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Parental "WINE" Support Group


dbleon

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Invitation to meeting...for those, who like myself have the NEED to whine, vent, admit that we are utterly confused as to what to do, or where to go with respect to our DK's options. :blushing:

DD has had a few "acceptances" for SI's, which may or may not lead to a job offer...if indeed these companies have jobs to offer....am I making any sense???

So my question to the Ballet Gods is...how does a dancer at this level decide? I feel like it's a Vegas Crap Shoot :wacko:

Any others out there in the BA family feeling the same? :sweating: Is it 5 PM yet???

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Ok, I'll admit it! I'm dazed and confused! In a perfect world, these letters would come with some additional information.

 

We can dream to get a letter like this one:

We are pleased to announce your acceptance to Parent's Heaven Summer Intensive. Your acceptance means we have weeded through all possible options and you are one of 25 young ladies who meet our standards of height, weight, musicality, feet and technique. All we need to find out is if we like your work ethic and if you have the heart we look for in our dancers. During the SI, we will pick 4 dancers to compete for slots with the Year round program or our Heaven II company. Your chances are high. Put your parents at ease, you have what it takes, we're watching you! Those college applications really can be put on hold for a day or two.

 

Ok? I'm awake now, dreams over!

 

vj

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Your worst nightmare confirmed ... I think there is a lot of the Vegas Crap Shoot in there. To me it is like one of those movies where you can do endless replays showing a pivotal decision and all the different ways things can turn out, depending what decision is made. And then you wonder is there one path that is the one truly meant for you kid, or is there that possiblity that ANY of these possiblities might result in a different but positive step along the way ...

 

What can you do, though, but use your + students gut, intelligence, etc. - talk to people, consider - then rest on a decision and embrace it. jump in with both feet ......

 

To get a little kooky here, I think for the parents it does turn into a spriritual journey as well - involving detachment, acceptance, faith. Ultimately we have so little control over outcomes. And no one can see what is up ahead and around the curve. Sort of like life, a particulary scary ride if you dwell too much on the decisions and myriad of possiblities of outcomes.

 

In my daughter's instance, two years ago she auditioned like mad, did all the right and planned things, but at the 11th hour, the thing that led not directly to her job, but to the opportunity that then led to a job, was an encounter at a social situation that she angsted greatly over whether she could even take the time to attend. How crazy is that? But could we have skipped the auditions and told her just to gad about and party, party, party?! Somehow that chain of events was so wierd and wonderful it helped me to take a bigger step back and acknowledge that somehow she was going to make her way, sometimes by very intentional steps and plans, and sometimes by unexpected twists. So I try to have patience and acknowledge I haven't a clue over where any particular action or nonaction will lead.

 

Of course this all presupposes that they work like crazy to set themselves up for success.

 

Here's expecting the best for all you DD and DS's! Meanwhile, parents: meditate, take long walks, practice your faith, and do whatever you need to with whines and wines to get you through these jitters.

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Like you I to have a delemma. Mine is different because DD is young and we are not at the job stage yet. DD auditioned for two summer intensives was accepted into both. One is 12 to 13 hours away(5 weeks), the other is 45 mins. away(3 weeks). The five week program comes with a great performance opportunity. But it is 12 hours away. I think we have decided on the one that is closer, Mom and Dad are not ready yet! (The 3 week program is a more well known intensive, But the one that is far away is smaller and she might get more individual attention)

By the way this is our first summer intensive experience. Had no idea it would be so nerve racking!

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Syr beautifully expressed my thoughts on this, especially with her words "detachment, acceptance, faith."

 

I think detachment is the hardest, but perhaps most necessary ingredient - because it really does lead to the other two - once our children reach 18 years old. We need to allow them space and even more importantly, we need to allow OURSELVES space.

 

We still need to help them, particularly financially whenever necessary, and we need to let them know we have faith in them whatever happens and also that we accept whatever outcome BECAUSE of our faith in our child.

 

In watching my daughter from afar the last two years, I have seen her nearly always make a decision that's right for her, with a few minor slips here and there that she's learned a TON from.

 

She goes through periods of not telling me much at all and otherperiods where she talks quite a bit about her plans. I let her guide those conversations. I think that parental love can turn into great baggage sometimes for our kids despite our love so we have to constantly assess our behavior to find the right balance. It's hard but so healthy for our kids when we get it right.

 

I heartily agree that whine :wacko: and wine :sweating::wink: will get us through it. :blushing:

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I'm with you on this, dbleon! It's a very hard time, but I've sort of learned to "let go"...I just think that things will work out the way that they're supposed to. If that means a ballet company contract, great, but if not, something else will present itself. I had a dinner/family meeting with my daughter just last night, where we went over many different scenarios for SIs, company auditions, etc., and she said for the very first time, "I don't care if it's ballet or not, I just want to dance!". Ballet is still her first choice, but if it doesn't happen, she's ready for something else. That in itself made me feel a lot better - it opens up more possibilities.

 

I'll bring the margaritas - just let me know when and where...

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I bring the salt, tequila and the limes. Between work stress, financial stress, planes and organization stress and the roller coaster of made it, didn't make it, I suck, think I'll quit, class was great today...

 

Why did I ever let him take that first class?

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While we don't have the SI experience in Australia, my dd is attending her first two major auditions later this year - and I'm already getting stressed!!

 

Not only by the "will she make it and how will she feel if she doesn't" questions, but the "how are we going to get interstate, can I afford it, where will we stay, should I start adding to the pointe shoe savings account for this" questions.

 

I'll take the wine, the margheurita, the tequila and perhaps just a small scotch thanks! :)

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How about ..The people outside of the ballet world...who don't understand this whole thing, and look at you like..."what are you talking about". You have to explain everything. is this making any sense? Just got through talking with my husband who, by the way just asked his boss for a raise to pay for this whole summer thing. sorry..just needed to vent...lol :)

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Can I join the wine club, too? :wink:

greyhound - I can relate - I just tell people "its just like soccer camp", and that tends to soften things- and most just let it go. My friends still can't understand why we let dd dance every day.

 

We told dd that if she does the SI, then we probably can't do our Disney trip this year - she said "That's ok, I 'll wait for Disney, I would rather go to the SI."

 

Now, for her to give up The Mouse for this, wow. :)

 

 

syr, i loved your post - we are ready to "embrace" and "jump in with both feet" ..we will keep the faith ...... and if we can't decide by next week, we will do the "Vegas Crap Shoot" and know it will ultimately be fine!

 

Lily

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Guest Sparklefish

I've been away from the forum for awhile - about 4-5 months - it's good to be back! It's interesting how my life was strengthened by ballet alert and how my perspective has changed as we've gone thru this year.

 

All that you are saying is very valid - all aspects. Our dancers are very strong, motivated and talented people - in life, not just dance - how dance is training them (and us) for life. I never doubted my dd's ability to take care of many things AND it is extremely hard to let go and let her! Yes, a necessary stepping stone in both of our lives - in the big picture, a very nice and rewarding one. Thank you to the people who reminded me I am not alone in experiencing this and that there is a bigger picture.

 

As dd approaches her 18th birthday, has just had two professional ballet company auditions, struggles with the choices facing her for the future -- she has summed it up nicely with: "it's all about relationships, mom - my deepening relationship in my faith (will help me decide when the time is right to decide), my family, my friends, with everyone . . . I don't know if I will be dancing professionally or not? (so much is out of my control) . . . I will be led to where I need to be, to where I will be able to best serve in my faith and will need to be myself . . . "

 

My dd is a very planful, organized, perfectionistic person so it is extremely hard for her to have to wait - not so much for the curiosity of the specific knowing where she will be (although that is certainly important), but because she wants to plan it all out, figure out the particulars, tie up those loose ends. This is a great experience - especially in the more challenging times in our lives - learning to enjoy and appreciate the trip/moment in & of itself. We've shared some fantastic moments and met many wonderful people on this journey, all along the way - even electronically :)

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