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Guest Gindratt

Questioning of Faculty Behavior

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thedriver

Ms. Schneider, with all due respect, I agree if the board is set-up correctly. But in reality this is often not the case; especially in a small school were the faculty is also part of the school's administration.

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LRS

Gindratt-There are quite a few older posts on Ballet Alert that also deal with abusive behavior in and out of the classroom.

 

You are taking the right step to acknowledge the problem and start talking about it with others. The cycle of abuse is one that thrives on silence and the fear of those that are involved. Having been in an abusive studio situation I understand how easily things can build up and progress over time. As others have said it is very easy to "say" what you would do unless you are the one involved in the situation. You do what is right for your dd and your family at this time.

 

Educating yourself and your dd on the abuse cycle can help relieve some of the guilt that you may feel for being in this situation. There are many great books and web sites that focus on verbal abuse. They can give you tools on how to get through this. Continue talking to your dd and encourage her to share her feelings. Find her a counselor (away from the school) if necessary. Make a plan and do what you need to do to keep yourself and your family safe mentally. Sometimes our kids just need a sounding board and the knowledge that we will do whatever it takes to protect them. Maybe even arranging a trip to where your dd is and staying with her at a hotel in the area will give her a break from the situation. You don't have to go there to talk to the faculty but just to spend time with your dd.

 

These aren't life experiences that any of us would choose. If your dd has someone there to love and support her she can come out of this situation stronger.

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Avalon

Gindratt,

 

I'm so glad you are still here on this thread. What an awful situation for you and your daughter. Please know that by sharing your experiences and concerns, you may be saving others by informing us and alerting us to potential realities we as dance parents have not wanted to face. I in no way blame you and I am hoping for some positive resolution to come from your struggles.

 

Warmly,

 

Avalon

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Guest Chedva

Gindratt, one other question that occurs to me as a lawyer - isn't the "school services person" one who is required by law to report abuse to the state authorities? Teachers in most states are, and I would assume that counselors would be too. Maybe planting a bug in her ear that the easiest way to lose a career (and not just a job) is to be convicted of failing to report and failing to protect a child? Just a thought.

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Clara 76

Good point Chedva!

 

Clara 76

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Dave

Yes, in our state ALL school personnel are required by law to report suspected abuse. Failure to do so is a gross misdemeanor. However, I do not know if the laws in other states are written to include such a broad spectrum of people working with children.

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Muck Luck

In California public employees are mandated to report or non reporter can be fined $1,000. and/or 6 months in jail. I would recommend you documenting as much as possible-time, date, place, persons present, etc. for later reference if need be. Reports can be anonymous so maybe that would take it out of your hands if it was reported in that way.

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danceintheblood

I have tears in my eyes after reading parts of this thread. Being told to "go home and kill yourself"? Girls carving the word 'fat' into their beautiful bodies?

 

These children don't deserve this abuse, which will assuredly create life-long problems for many and lead many talented young ones to give up their dreams. This sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable in any situation at all.

 

Gindratt, I have no advice better than that which has been given, but your family has my true sympathies. I can't imagine how terrible this experience must be for you. Is there any way at all that your daughter can complete her studies elsewhere?

 

I hope that after your daughter leaves this 'school', you will complain to the authorities loud and clear to protect other children from suffering the same fate.

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mylildancer

Danceintheblood, I agree with you. If this school is as well connected as they say they are, then it is known out there in the "real ballet world" just exactly how these kids are treated and may be worried about the mental stability of the final product that comes from that school. They may not be as highly regarded as they think they are. I am learning that the "crazy" people are well known out there within this ballet community. There are also many different paths that you can take to the final goal, which is to get hired as a professional dancer. You do not have to take a path that is leaving a child with the scars of abuse from some of the "crazies" of this community.

 

I think there has been a lot of good advice on this thread to other parents about the precautions of picking a residency program, but there is also that cautionary note that your children will not always tell you what is REALLY going on until you have already figured out that there is something wrong. Someone gave good advice a while back in this thread about taking universal precaution. :)

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mom1

Careful

 

actually a school of the arts

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Balletmom
These aren't life experiences that any of us would choose. If your dd has someone there to love and support her she can come out of this situation stronger.

 

Gindratt, in addition to LRS's very good suggestions, also make sure you take care of yourself, too. My own daughter was abused seven years ago, but in a much different situation than your daughter's. Even now I find myself questioning the small and seemingly insignificant decisions I made that ended up placing her in the situation, and I still have problems letting go of my feelings of guilt. (I'm near tears as I write this seven years later.) I'm sure you and your husband put a tremendous amount of thought and research into the decision to send your daughter to this school, and you may be questioning how you could have been so deceived...a few times talking to a counselor may benefit you as well as your daughter, as you are also victims. Good luck with this situation, and as you try to decide what to do next, don't regret doing what you feel in your heart is best for your daughter.

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