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LMCtech

Wanting exceptions made

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Guest bambi

Treefrog, I'm pretty much a newbe when it comes to all things ballet, but I've found things spelled out pretty clearly for all of the SI's I've looked into. Then again, I'm a rule follower and would never dream of asking a SI to make an exception for my daughter. I don't ask my sons varsity coach to make exceptions for him either....

 

I wonder if some of the "top" SI's might have problems because of the caliber of dancers that they are dealing with? You know, they might be used to being favored at their home schools and expect it to cross over to the SI programs too. I imagine that at this level some of the kids might be trying to attend more than one program, the dates overlap, and they want an exception to be made for them. I can see that being a huge headache for these schools.?

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Siegelife

I'm going along with Momof3darlings on this. I try to keep to myself and am generally a shy person. However, I'm wondering what my have passed me by in life because of it. I often envy people that can speak out. However, I don't envy the ones that are just plain rude and pushy. Yet those people seem to get what they want. I speak out when necessary but wouldn't dream of half of the stuff some people come up with. I guess some people just don't have that 'I feel so embarrassed' quality.

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lsu

I guess I am naive as well. I had no clue that people ask for exceptions in the ballet world. Now I am aggravated. We will never know if our dancer was not accepted into a program because some undeserving dancer with pull took her place.

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Mel Johnson

A friend of mine, now long deceased, had a couple of ways of dealing with people who wanted exceptions made. She was Executive Secretary at a large and well-financed school in NYC, and had picked up a butcher's meat cleaver at a second-hand store, ground down the edge until it was about as sharp as an elephant's side, then stuck it in a groove in the middle of her desk, just above the blotter. The petitioner would enter the office, and Mary would raise an eyebrow and say, "Yeeesss?" If she didn't want to talk to ANYBODY, she would light up about 3 or 4 Gauloise Caporal cigarettes and leave them smoldering in ashtrays all around the office. The place smelled like a cabbage field on fire. People would enter, say "Mary, I...," turn immediately in place and leave, "'ll talk to you tomorrow." :shrug: You can't do those things anymore. :)

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Balletmom

Isu, I'm with you on this. One more worry to throw into the mix, together with all the other variables that affect being accepted into a program. I knew these things happened--I just never knew it was as widespread as it appears to be. The ballet world seems to have its own version of "March Madness", to borrow a phrase from college basketball, with all the SI stuff coming to a head right about now.

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LRS

lsu- Well at least we know that our dancers were accepted into programs because of their abilities!

 

There will come a day when Mom and Dad won't be able to pull strings for those kids any longer. What those parents don't realize is that they aren't doing their kids any favors long term.

 

Fellow Rule Follower Here!

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danceintheblood

I wonder what the children learn when their parents constantly ask for and are granted exceptions.

 

Do they go through life feeling that they have an entitlement above others?

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Momof3darlings
We will never know if our dancer was not accepted into a program because some undeserving dancer with pull took her place

 

I don't think that's what we're talking about here at all. An acceptance is an acceptance, a no is a no based on their dancing at an audition. Those things are pretty concrete. I may be naive but I don't think "that" dancer would take your place but rather be added to your already big class.

 

I'm hoping LMCtech will elaborate. But, I assumed we're more discussing after the acceptances the exceptions that are asked for such as: coming late, leaving early, taking a week off in the middle, an extension on a deposit, or a class limit of 30 dancers being asked to extend it to 31, or a dancer calling for why they didn't make it with a school who doesn't give out that information or lastly paying a non-refundable deposit and asking that it be refunded. That's what I was assuming LMCtech was dealing with. I may be wrong.

 

And thank you Siegelife for understanding me. You summed my feelings up exactly. I often wonder. I'm still ultimately a rule follower though and don't want to change that. I teach my kids that "they" have to make their own way, I'll support them and help them but it's THEIR way to make. I but I do wonder sometimes.

 

vj

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mom1
I wonder what the children learn ...Do they go through life feeling that they have an entitlement above others?

 

There's a whole book out about this by a prominent pediation. It's called "Epedemic".

 

It talks about a generation of children who are so done for, who's parents smooth out all the bumps, clear the way of any hardship, fight their battles and exuse them of responsibility and culpability. He says the result is a generation of children and twenty-somethings who lack empathy, lack resoursefulness and are largely unemployable because they lack longterm goals are unwilling to pay there dues. These young people struggle with authority and are not desirable staff members.

 

It's a facinating book, although very depressing.

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Guest Chedva

I don't necessarily think that parents are asking for things out of a sense of "entitlement". I think it's more a sense of "If you don't ask, you won't know. If you don't ask, they can't say yes." (And I'm talking about exceptions in the same sense as Momof3darlings.) There may be good reasons why a parent would ask for an exception.

 

For example, this year in the Northeast, the snow days have been amazing. In my dd's high school, final exams are the last days of school, so they cannot be missed. If her intensive began on what now would be a final exam day, would I be so out of line to call and ask the intensive if she could come a day or two late? (Or should I ask her school for "an exception" to take her exams early or late? Is that better?) I wouldn't call out of any sense of entitlement, but for information on which to make decisions. (There's a thread on this topic, I believe, in which the student was advised to call the intensive and see if she could come late.)

 

Now, if there are arguments about the information you get, or if the parent is told "No" and does it anyway - well, that's a whole different story.

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pal

I am sure that the phone calls for exceptions can/do get out of hand but I'm in the camp of "if you don't ask you'll never know -- and the worst thing is that the answer will be no". I am basically a "rule follwer" but along the way as I have heard of exceptions being made I wonder why I bother to follow the rules when others seem to manage to have the rules worked around their personal wants/needs.

 

However I feel that SFB itself "makes exceptions" right off the bat w/ their policy of contacting their scholarship students prior to the official letters of acceptance/non acceptance go into the mail to the auditioning population. Okay, okay I know that the scholarship students still have to wait for "the letter" before sending in their deposit, etc. But.... these students are given this information ahead of time so that SFB can gauge how much scholarship $$$ are yet available for other students (should that dancer decline the offer) and, in my opinion, because SFB really wants these dancers and by letting them know of scholarship $$ ahead of time these dancers may then decide to not wait around to find out the results of other auditions they have done, or at least it eliminates some the deposit deadline issues that the auditioning dancers are going through.

 

I have no issue w/ dancers receiving scholarships, these students are talented and deserving, but in this case they are certainly given more consideration than the general population of auditioneers. I'm sure there were many students out there anxiously awaiting their letter from SFB with deadlines looming from other programs they auditioned for, meanwhile those being offered scholarships already knew of their acceptance, the arrival of the letter was just a formality. The same dates/timelines/deadlines, etc. should apply to all auditioneers when a program has a policy of not releasing results until the end of the audition tour. This doesn't apply to those programs that have a rolling admission policy of dancers getting their results within a certain number of weeks following each audition.

 

Unless a program strictly adheres to it's policies and makes it clear that they apply to ALL dancers people will ask for all sorts of things, some being very valid issues and some not.

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cmtaka

Okay this is a rant, but one that has been coming over the last few weeks as I've been reading about some of the bad parent behavior. Most of the parents on this board seem to be fairly grounded but we have to deal with the other type of parents.

 

I try, emphasis on try, not to take over for my kid. It’s hard. However, I think the parents that do this are harming their kids in more than a few ways. One is a sense of entitlement that is unearned. The flip side of that is that when parents rush in to make the outcome better, fix "it" what ever it may be they are telling their child they are not capable of achieving without bending the rules or having someone else step in for them. This doesn't exactly build a strong secure child. Sometimes even if you don't succeed if you tried your hardest there is still a sense of accomplishment.

 

Part of failure is learning how to deal with failure and bounce back from it. There was another thread on resilience earlier this week. If children don't learn this when they are young how are they going to get by in the world? I see many adults in the work place that can't get along with their peers, expect special treatment, their failures are always someone else’s fault, that promotion they are over looked for is everyone is out to get them. Sounds like a learned behavior to me.

 

I've met some of the parents that act like that at the SI ds has gone to. They are proud of their children and use their children's accomplishments to make themselves feel better. These parents don't want an average child or one that isn't at the best school, best SI, top of their class. I was talking to one parent that was so competitive that I just started laughing and said, you're right your child is so much more special than all the others. Then I walked away. What does that say to the child, if you're not the best you don't deserve to be my kid? It’s hard not to get sucked in.

 

There are some great moderators that preach the take a step back and take a deep breath approach and I really respect that. That is the great part about the board we can all learn from each other. VagansMom, Momof3darlings and BW are all great about putting things back in perspective. I think at this time of year it is really hard to keep that perspective with all the pressure. Sometimes it should be about letting things work themselves out naturally and letting the kids be part of the decision.

 

Sorry about the rant... Chris

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BW

I think most of us really feel pretty much the same way here. We're never going to solve the situation, but I do understand the need for everyone - even administrators :D - to vent.

 

As my dearly beloved, but cantakerous, father used to say: "No one said life was fair." Naturally, I bristled at this :lol: and still do, at times. Perhaps it's my age, as I'm getting older I'm getting the "longer" view of things.

 

I think maybe Victor Hugo was on to something when he wrote:

For true poetry, complete poetry, consists in the harmony of contraries. Hence, it is time to say aloud—and it is here above all that exceptions prove the rule—that everything that exists in nature exists in art.
And just maybe dance is poetry in motion - therefore it follows...

 

As in all things, there will always be the greater and lesser the more saintly and the less so, but as some cartoon figure from the 1960's once said "Keep on truckin'!" :cool2:

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tsavoie

To me "no exceptions" seems fairly harsh. What happens if for example, the non refundable payment is sent in, the parents lose jobs, or some other unforeseen disaster, and they desperately need the deposit back. Or some family occurance is happening during SI and the school is notified in advance? I think no exceptions does not allow for common sense and compassion. I also think that outrageous demands can be handled without the need for a no exceptions, no matter what policy. That is not to say that exceptions should constantly occur.

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pal

I agree that exceptions should be made as there are a number of different circumstances that warrant an exception. Unfortunately there are those exceptions that are made that just don't seem to fall into the "fair" category. But as my mother always said, "life's not fair, get used to it". (Must have known BW's father).

 

It doesn't matter whether we are talking about ballet or a million other pursuits in life, things are not always fair, things don't always work out ... it can be a sad fact to deal with or just a fact of life that one accepts and then moves on. It's just not worth wasting time over "that's not fair!".

 

I/my daughter have encountered all sorts of things that are "not fair" but that's just the way it is sometimes ---- move on, put your energy into what will move you along, enjoy and be happy for what is, because it's pretty darn good.

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