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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Tired Dance Parents


lsu

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I've been able to step away from the studio this year but just the little comments my daughter sometimes makes about her night upon coming home sends me into the old frenzy. :wink: I have to remember this is now her "bag" and she's controling her own destiny. My husband pulled the financial plug on dance so to speak and my daughter had to get a job to continue dancing. I'm wondering why would she vent if she did not expect my reaction? :D And she knows that she'll get a reaction from me! So even uninvolving yourself doesn't work sometimes since it is your child and their well being. I'm still there for her and can't wait to go to one of her performances next week. I will continue to be her biggest fan.

My son's now the one requiring most of my drive time playing water polo and being on a swim team. You think ballet is time consuming? They have 6AM practices too boot and games into the night! My car now smells of sweat and chlorine instead of feet. :wacko:

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DD will have her license in a few months and I can't wait to have my afternoons back. This year I have hung around far less, sometimes I go home and my hubby does the pick up; other days I do my grocery shopping or balance the checkbook or read or just vegetate. Have been known to nap. Occasionally I observe a class. I've watched these girls for a few years & it is really quite amazing how much they have progressed. If politics is a problem at our school, I am blissfully unaware of it. Intend to stay that way. :wink:

 

DD had Easter break this past week - ballet did not.

 

In 2 years dd will be off to college and the daily enchantment on the freeway will be over. Guess I can hold out until then.

 

Too bad we couldn't arrange a BT Parents Escape Weekend! (Esteemed teachers also invited, of course.)

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Can I send in my deposit for the escape weekend, there is a bit of room on my overdraft to accomodate the cost...if I don't send in the next SI deposit for DD! :wink:

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Ohhh, an SI for parents!

 

Come on, let's all virtually join hands and take a deep breath, the term is almost over.

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And at the very least I haven't heard of Ballet Mom fights reaching the 6 o'clock news like soccer, cheerleading, softball and football parent issues have.   Thankfully! 

:D Believe it or not, a few years ago the police were called to our studio because of an incident involving two "ballet moms"! Unfortunately for us, we all sound like we have the same problems no matter where we are (except for lucky Treefrog, of course!) My daughter drives herself now, and I often find myself asking her "what's the latest gossip at the studio?" :wink:

 

 

I remember the same thing happening at my son's old school.....about same timeframe. The squable was outside and it got so bad they were throwing religious insults. :speechless: I still don't know exactly what the squabble was about. Maybe it was the same school as yours?

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danceintheblood

I must say, I am feeling a lot better about our experience! The studio is only 10 minutes away from home, so travel is minimal. I can drop dd off and go home and cook dinner so it's ready when she gets home - and her dad frequently collects her.

 

The studio is fairly small, but produces high quality dancers. The 'cattiness' seems to be pretty minimal. We have encountered a couple of diva mums, but most of the parents are very supportive and encouraging of all students and seem to be pleased to watch other children progress well.

 

The AD sets the tone, and has a strong belief that ballet children need a supportive and nurturing environment in which to learn - and therefore hires teachers that will also follow this philosophy. The AD makes a point of knowing each child in the vocational program and knows their personalities, their technical strengths and weaknesses and what motivates them.

 

We are very, very lucky. To the parents out there who drive for hours every week to support your childrens 'habit' - you are truly amazing!

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  • 3 months later...
AsleepATheWheel

Just read this thread again and thought I would 'bump' it up for those of us who might want to focus on the post SI balletmom dropout feelings. Even when our kids are far away, or maybe especially then, it can be mentally exhausting to cope with all of the 'shenanigans'.

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It is interesting how one or two people can really change the dynamic of a group. They can really drag things down, or incredibly raise the bar for good behavior.

 

Same advice - stay away. Even if it means not helping sew or being able to observe class - this training belongs to the child. I think studio owners should not let parents watch class unless it is a prearranged once or twice a year "observation" class. The dancers do not benefit in any way from the parents watching - we do not watch their biology classes or English classes. Controversial opinion for some, I know, but it changed our studio dramatically (for the better) when that happened years ago.

 

And yes, one or two parents can change the dynamic. Unfortunately, at our studio when one of those parents finally leaves another simply arrives to replace him/her. The only way to survive is to love your child and separate from the rest. Also do not ever be the parent contributing to the gossip or negativity.

 

I am sorry for the parents and dancers battling favoritism issues, I do not think there is a solution to that if you are not able to switch studios.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've come to the conclusion that generally the tone of the school comes from "the top" i.e. if the teachers are kind, supportive, positive, caring and above all FAIR with the allocation of their time amongst the the students the studio will have a good atmosphere - when a child feels unimportant or disliked in class then all the other petty things that happen seem larger than life. It is much easier for a child (and their parents) to deal with other students and parents unpleasantness when they feel equal and secure in the classroom. Children also build a genuine respect for their truly talented classmates as they can see it is coming from natural talent and/or hard work and not because of more attention in class. And lets face it - with the odds being that most of our children will never be professional dancers isn't it better that they spend all these years (and our money) with teachers that treat them as valuable members of the class?

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Guest creakey

I used to live in a Town that was so full of those moms, I left-didn't want to raise the girls there anymore...but the worst part was, if one didnt start a sport or dance class by the age of 7, nothing was available, the classes were too far advanced.Where I live now, my girls were able to start last year, age 12, and have fallen in love with ballet because it is a low pressure studio that still teaches good technique, and the parents are mostly ok...i dont hang around much.

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Guest sehoy13

When my sons first got involved in ballet, I wondered if there wasn't a mother-daughter dynamic that made the studio so ultra dramatic and foreign to our previous experiences. Parents at soccer games and baseball games have a different bad behavior, yelling and coaching on the sidelines. These two extreme behaviors had me wishing to be a dropout on all fronts, especially where uber-macho and uber-femme people dominated. Where's the sane medium?

 

I agree with luludancer that the tone comes from the top at any particular studio. As we have become more knowledgable, we know this behavior is actually not typical of all studios. But my goodness, there is drama aplenty to go around. And I'm not looking for a role.

 

Our first year was as miserable as some of the experiences shared here. I was ready to quit altogether and focus on saner things. It was my kids' sincere desire that kept them dancing (while I mostly caught up on my reading in the car).

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