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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Grrrrrr!!! Negative comments ...


danceintheblood

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Wow, a bump from 2005! I'm sure there must be another thread on this topic, but this is the thread I found.

 

Okay, here's my vent. I had a telephone conversation yesterday with someone that has left me smoldering and I need somewhere to let out some of the heat.

 

I am very blessed. I am a Spanish-speaking lawyer in an area where there are few. So if I chose, I could make a lot of money working 60 hours a week. I know, I have nothing to complain about. I realize how lucky I am.

 

What some people don't understand is that I am even more lucky because I have a great husband and kids. My kids are 14 and 13 and they are the most important and fun people in my husband and my life. We consider it our responsibility to do all we can to instruct them with social, educational and life skills to help them find happy, healthy lives. To that end, I have been mostly homeschooling and this year helping them with the transition to regular school. Plus my daughter has started pre-professional ballet school.

 

So my job for the next 3 to 4 years will be heavily into teaching, chauffering, teaching, cooking, teaching, cleaning, stretching a dollar, teaching. I want to be the one to teach my kids about relationships, humor, overcoming self-doubt, working on self-esteem, discovering and nurturing hidden talents.

 

Once they get a car and drive, I know they will be needing me a lot less. Then I can go back to working my butt off in a "real" job to help with their college expenses or assist financially in the transition into their independent lives.

 

So, this person who called me has a business plan where I could make lots of money. She is a business associate with a business friend of mine. Yes, I would have to put in lots of hours, but it could turn into something really big and would be great for the Hispanic community. I explained as best as I could where my priorities are at the moment. She tried and tried to explain how much money this would mean and great a service this would be. I kept saying that the idea was good, but timing was off. I needed to take care of my kids right now. In a few years, I would have the time needed. Sorry.

 

She abruptly became frustrated with my lack of appreciation and said, "Well, when your girl discovers boys and give up being a ballerina (she said as if the word was synonmous with Barbie doll), to give her a call." I laughed, because I wanted to keep the conversation light-hearted and didn't want to argue with her. The conversation finally ended.

 

I have been working my butt off working on my law practice part-time. Working on documents in the car, in the studio waiting room. I don't watch tv so that I can help my kids prepare for tests (something new to them) and listen to how their day went. I am driving everyone everywhere. Taking care of groceries, post office, cleaners, every single thing needed for the house. My husband is working his butt off trying to make sure he keeps his job in this scary economy and providing us with enough income to live a simple but purposeful life. And this woman just dismisses it all because it is "dance." Aauuugh!!!!!

 

I hope that by typing this, I can get this conversation out of my head and stomach. I don't want to dwell on this stupid woman's phone call but it is sticking in my craw. :D

 

Thanks BT4Ds in providing an outlet.

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Curandera,

 

You are doing the right thing. If you are not your children's best advocate, who, then, will be? Clearly, this other woman has an agenda of her own, and your priorities - regardless of what they are - do not come into play for her agenda. I am a homeschooling mom of two pre-professional dancers, and I have put quite a bit on hold to be there for them now, because now is when they need me, and we cannot go back in time and get a "re-do" later on.... I think it was Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis who said something to the effect that if we don't raise our own children well, not much else matters. I agree with her, and with you. Chin up!

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Realize that whatever you do there will be someone that opposes it. Regardless of your intentions. If you are happy with your current work/home life situation, then nothing else really matters. There will be those that criticize you for staying home. When you return to work there will be those that criticize you for returning to work. (I kind of speak from experience on the going back to work topic!)

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Curandera,

 

Your post could have been written by me.... I feel your frustration. I too am an attorney in an under-served specialty with a dancing daughter and a son heavily into sports. I took eight years off from the practice of law and then returned on a part-time basis a few years ago. My current plan is to keep working part-time until the kids don't need me to be with them after school.

 

Like you, I have been pressured to return to full-time work by many. People tell me that I will miss opportunities and that my skills will get stale. Some people also tell me that I am wasting the time and money I invested in my education. Well, after fourteen years, the opportunities are still there and my lawyering skills have not suffered. Moreover, the time and money invested in my education is exactly why I can work on my own terms right now. How lucky is that!

 

When my choices are questioned by others, I always remind myself that I only have a few short years to spend with my kids before they leave my home. It is what works for me, and I feel blessed that I can take this time to spend with them. It sounds like your approach is similar. I also try to look at why a particular person has questioned me. Generally, it is because the person stands to gain from my return to full-time work and is frustrated that I am not helping him or her.

 

As for this woman who ridiculed your choices, she simply is behaving like a bully. Consider yourself lucky to have discovered that before ever agreeing to a business plan with her. Best of luck to you as you continue to deal with her and people like her. You are not alone in making these choices!

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Curandera, you've heard from a few already. All I can say is that I would not trade the time I had with my children. We did without certain things, but I loved being with them. I still have one at home and just trying to enjoy that, although I have added some part-time work into the mix. Seriously, treasure this time and feel wonderfully blessed that you are able to spend it with them. What I wouldn't give to be running my two dk's back and forth to the dance studio!

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Seriously, treasure this time and feel wonderfully blessed that you are able to spend it with them. What I wouldn't give to be running my two dk's back and forth to the dance studio!

Its a mom is a wise lady! The time goes too quickly; I stop complete strangers with young children and tell them to treasure the precious time because they will wake up one morning and the kids are gone. :)

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Seriously, treasure this time and feel wonderfully blessed that you are able to spend it with them. What I wouldn't give to be running my two dk's back and forth to the dance studio!

 

I fully agree with its the mom as well. My youngest is a freshman in college and I miss her terribly. I will never regret spending time with my children!

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Thanks everybody for the words of encouragement. Especially you amww. I know there are many professional women that get that "what a waste of an education" comment because we are lucky enough to take time off to raise our children. Education is never a waste. My kids are some of the best mini defense attorneys at their school! Don't try to cross them with a trick question. They learned to negotiate and state their case as soon as they were able to form the word "cookie." (Actually when my daughter received a paper at school to sign, she folded it and put it in her backpack. Her friend asked her why she didn't sign it and just hand it in. She replied, "I always have my attorney read it first." She's 13 and was having fun with it.)

 

I'm usually pretty good about knowing what is right for me. I think what threw me for a loop this time was a combination of this lady being insistent, me being tired and her nasty attack at my daughter. When people attack me for my choices, I can usually handle it. When they say something nasty about my daughter, well, I guess no one has ever done that to my face before. I really didn't know how to react at the time, and when I got over being stunned, I just felt hurt and angry.

 

We are both going through that difficult transition of learning how she can go to school full time, spend time with friends and go downtown to pursue her dream of dancing and me having to continue with keeping up the homefront, tripling my chauffeur time, still being Mom to my son, my part-time practice and everything! It has been hard on both of us, time, stress, difficult choices... Well, I know you all know what I'm talking about.

 

Anyway, I guess live and learn.

 

Yes, I am very happy I found out how this woman reacts to bad news before I ever entered into any kind of business relationship with her! Thank goodness!

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As I read your post I found myself thinking of that commercial where they put a $ value on everything but your version would end something like ". . . getting to instill values, comfort, protect and raise my children . . . PRICELESS!"

 

You can't buy back the time. When it's gone, you just have to hope you got all those life lessons in and they stuck. And buy a good texting plan . . .

 

So lucky to know how this person handles disagreements before entering a partnership. Whew!

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