Adult student support group december 2005

[missvjc420]

My month started off with good classes, but cost issues with my boyfriend. Very annoying. Then, as if I didn't have enough money issues at hand, none of my pointes fit correctly. Most are now too wide. The ones with the correct width have too long a vamp. My next step, if I can afford it, is to take my favorite pointes to a fitter recommended by one of my teachers and try to find something similar. When this will happen is up in the air. I want my own cobbler! I also have a laundry list of bad habits I've developed lately- ribs out, thighs not turning out- am concentrating on that- the rotation is there- just not engaged:(, maybe due to the third problem- tailbone not wanting to go into neutral. I need a massage!

[cassy]

missvjc420, sorry to hear about your troubles, you say your boyfriend has cost issues - in what way? My boyfriend gave me the guilt trip when i started ballet and complained about the cost of everything, classes, travel, kit e.t.c!

 

I felt really torn because i just couldnt give up and refused to stop the one thing which helps me stay sane, especially on the basis that someone else didnt want me to do it

 

No matter how much i tried to explain, he just doesnt understand. Even though he has a passion for martial arts and has done since he was a teen - so i thought he would understand. Anyway didnt mean to ramble

[Jaana Heino]

For me, it's the end of the term, and the same as every year: missing a huge amount of classes because student work that needs to be read, projects that need to be wrapped up, and my own studies that need to be completed.

 

But that's the life I've chosen myself, so I probably should not complain! It's just a week or two anyway.

[spinbug]

Cassy, Miss, who's money are your boyfriends complaining about you spending? If you earn the money I think it makes sense that you can spend it on what you wish. If it was a joint income issue then yes, he should have a say. But only a ; fair-minded , team-partner spirited , equality-focused "say" in what you do. Division of money is such an issue in relationships and becomes a BIG one when both incomes are combined. The one who earns the most sometimes dictates how it should be spent (self righteously so), and sometimes even if they don't earn the most. Heads up on this one early on, before marriage and kids make it even more complicated. And yes, ballet can take over your life, just like any other hobby, but if none of your other priorities are being jeopardized what is the harm? And your boyfriends displeasure doesn't count as "jeopardy" unless spending that money truly creates a hardship for both of you financially or doesn't allow him to pursue some of his own interests for lack of money. Also, consider this, giving in may actually jeopardize your relationship, too, if your boyfriend gets the idea he can dictate your hobbies and interests carte blanche . Bad habits like that start early in a relationship.

 

Cassy, tell your boyfriend you're a team player if he's willing to give up his martial arts. Then see how far that topic of conversation goes. That should even out the playing field.

[Guest Hattie]

My ex boyfriend complained when I took up ballet again. He said all I ever talked about was ballet and that I (and ballet itself) was boring. I didn't at all, I'd just say if I'd had a good class, or if I'd finally mastered a particular step... Now we've broken up (not because of that- we had far bigger problems) so I don't have that problem....

 

What I found worked was to say the same things about his hobbies, in a joking kind of way- he liked martial arts too. He stopped pretty soon after that. Oh, and if you tell him that you actually need to be just as strong in ballet as in karate, that worked pretty well (my ex seemed to think ballet was just wearing a tutu and skipping about).

[cassy]

missvjc - it sounds like you need a massage, are you sure that you arent beating yourself up, we all have bad habits and bad days. Im sure your not so bad, if you could just see me

 

 

Hattie, that last remark really made me giggle

The amount of people who seem to think ballet is all about wearing a tutu - i have educated a few people

Luckily my boyfriend does know that ballet requires much strength, discipline and determination as does martial arts - im much more challenged by ballet than martial arts (actually find it harder but then i studied a martial art for six years and only have studied ballet for a year and few months!)

 

Spinbug, you got it exactly, i work full time and the majority of my money pays our mortgague and food e.t.c so the one thing i choose to spend my hard earned cash on is ballet. My one luxury, i gave up going out so regular and buying designer clothes for the love of it

 

You are right about money being a big issue, it is the main topic we ever argue about. Although the argument about ballet is much rarer these days, i think slowly he is understanding how important it is to me, i have even walked instead of catching busses and took pack up just to make sure i have enough money for classes.

And the thought of suggesting giving up martial arts

Its his whole livelihood, he has his own gym and has been teaching for years. So he should realise how lucky he is to be able to be so involved and to earn money from something he enjoys

[missvjc420]

Money issues... well, we both earn about the same, he doesn't have anything like ballet for me to compare. He thinks because I retired as a dancer, I shouldn't have to take so much class. The argument only comes up when we're short, which has been less often lately, thank goodness.

No, I don't think I'm beating myself up, because I need to hear these corrections, but I've started to notice that the teacher I see most often doesn't really correct me on things that need to be looked at.

[cassy]

missvjc420, do you think the real issue is money then?

sounds like it is as its only a problem when money is tight, although he (sorry to refer to he but we cant use names online) also seems to resent how many classes you take. Do you think jealousy is involved or fustration that youre not spending the time together?

 

I found we had 'the' argument when there was alot of stress related to other factors.

Why do you think your teacher isnt correcting you?

[missvjc420]

I don't know if there are other issues being masked by the money issue- I don't think so, but he was raised in a very thrifty household, whereas my parents love to spend, I try to control myself, but this is one of those things that can't be helped, especially in winter when I can't get outside as much.

I have to further gather my thoughts as to why my other teacher isn't correcting me- there's tons I want to say about it, but have the after work scatterbrains right now.

[cassy]

I hope you get it all sorted out, everything happens at once doesnt it!!

Im the same with money - i live for today, am certainly not a saver, why exist when you can live thats my motto

 

Let us know your thoughts?

[Guest dancer'sheart]

Well...ballet helped a lot when I took up martial arts. I had strong legs ! And when I would kick, my sparring partner always underestimated the reach of my legs therefore would get hit haha. I also was able to sparr with a girl who was in a much higher level than I was (black belt 2nd dan) and said that it was a good thing she was wearing her body armour. My boyfriend at that time was in martial arts too (but at a much higher level). I could kick him harder than he could kick me. So there! . He couldn't complain about my ballet classes!

[cassy]

I found that martial arts helped when i started ballet, particularly with balancing on one leg

 

As mostly the weight is over the ball of the foot not on the heel whilst kicking, also for a turning kick, the supporting foot has to turn towards the back in like a twisting motion (not making a good job of describing am i )

 

What im really getting at is that it helps somewhat in lots of ways and its also a discipline. Martial arts really helped me achieve good quality frappe too

Some people hate frappe but i love it and some people just do not seem to get that precision and sharpness about it?

[spinbug]

Miss, maybe he saves that particular comment about ballet when it can do the most work, to shift the weight of power in an argument over to his side. If it was a true issue he would be willing to talk about it at other "non-argument" times. Try bringing it up at a relaxed moment, if he doesn't want to talk about it I would wonder if it was a true issue or just something to push your buttons. I don't mean to sound mean, even the nicest people can handle conflicts in a less than helpful way. Also, being thrifty is not any better than being spendy . You can actually be very selfish with either approach. But they're not wrong in and of themselves, just different from each other.

[Guest Hattie]

Going slightly off the subject here- but I really need to have a mini-rant about this.... I no longer have a boyfriend to tell me off for spending money (just as well as I'm the one with a job, and he now lives with his mum and is still unemployed- though that's a different matter). However I am so skint that I'm not sure if I can afford my classes next term. I have a reasonable job, but after all the deductions, there's almost nothing left- what with taxes, student loan payments, bank loan payments, rent, council tax, bills.... I'm getting really miserable, and I wish I could go back to living at my parents myself... I'm 21, I can't deal with this adult world...

 

Sorry, I just needed to have that rant. I don't want to not be able to afford to take my classes, and I'm getting worried!!

[Tara7038]

With out sticking my nose in too much, have you thought about taking the ENB adult class, good value at £46 per term. Also Morley college classes around the £50 mark a term.

 

Tara