What's the rush?

[Redstorm]

I agree with dance1soccer1. My dd is a newly turned 15 year old and I find myself less and less hovering over her. She is now at an Independent HS. I drop her off, pick her up and that's about it. I have to trust her to make sure she is getting her work done. This was her decision, not mine and she knows she has to be responsible enough to make the grade or we switch back to traditional school.

I sometimes sit and watch her in ballet class, because I enjoy it, but most times I am off doing my own thing...usually work.

I created this very independent child and am glad I did. She wants to move away next year and if that happens, I will know that she will be fine.

On the other hand, I do keep a close eye on certain aspects of her life. She isn't completely free to do as she pleases. And there are times, still, that she needs me. It all comes down to balance. Letting go is never easy, but if you have a strong, independent, confident child, it will be easier when that time comes.

I laugh at myself because a year ago I would never have thought I could have written this, let alone believe it!

[Memo]

I think the "helicopter parent" may be more of a myth than reality. I have always been a very involved parent, involved at dance, volunteering in school, helping coach sports, etc., but now my DD is a senior in high school, and at that age/level, she makes her schedule, dance and academic decisions, and decisions about her future pretty much on her own. Not much a parent can do (thank goodness!) but drive and pay. We're proud of him, and we were ready to let him take this step, but I firmly believe that once they get this far along, you won't be very involved, even if you want to be!

 

 

I do not think the helicopter parent is a myth and I think that does not include a parent who is involved. Involved helpful parents who want to pitch in are welcomed and needed! I have helicopter parents at my ballet school but I have to say they are rare. If you have one whose child is over 13 year old it can be very distructive. It is clautrophobic for the kid and inhibits creativity and "the process" for the school. When an administrator looks at it it is usually about 2-5% when the kids are in that age range. So when they TV and news papers report on it they are really talking about the minority.

[Cabriole]

I agree completely with Memo; any teacher can recognize the difference between an involved parent and a helicopter parent!. And yes, the helicopters DO exist. I have had them at the studio, my sister has had them at the high school where she teaches and my son had a college roommate who mother practically moved into the dorm

[swanchat]

I agree with Memo too. Those helicopters are hovering in many places. I've seen a few a dd's studio. They are at school. They are even at church. Some are more covert (you only realize they have been there after the damage is done), some are really obvious (like the one who watches the class even though it's against the rules and mouths directions to her dd.) Non dancing son at college had helicopters at move in (they spent hours making the dorm room perfect)-we went to lunch and said good-bye. I do wonder if in college, girlfriends (son's roommate has one) can be termed helicopters?

[Clutterbug]

I just wanted to revive this thread as there is so much wisdom that has been posted here. A huge thank you to all those parents who have articulated so well their thoughts and opinions.

I haven't finished reading all the threads yet but thought that some other parents may enjoy the posts too.

This is such a wonderful forum!

[ceecee]

Thanks for bumping this up, Clutterbug! Definitely some wisdom being shared! It is interesting too, if you go back to the beginning of the thread & look at the parents posting about their 13 and 14 year olds - how many of them are now "Parents of Professionals"!

[iceberg*lover]

I noticed that too! It's reassuring to see that others whose dks have successfully made it had the same worries. Not always smooth sailing, I guess.

[firedragon0800]

Yes, one of the things to love about this site, is the longevity! Wonderful to see that the more things change the more they stay the same. It's great to see their thoughts and practices and how that also might have translated towards their dk's success!

 

Jolly Good Show!

[Justamum]

Yes a huge thank you for bringing this thread back up. It's timing is perfect for us and reconfirms i have just made the right choice and my gut intuition was correct.