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She's losing things


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This is the fifth production dd has been in and with each one she loses something. She lost things at the SI to. Nutcracker was toe pads and a leo. This last performance she lost her tights and pointe shoes (after the show). I'm pretty hopeful that their in the lost and found bag, but jeepers, this is getting expensive. How can I help her over this habit? I know what happened this last performance. She was very excited to get dressed up for afterwards and was thinking more about her pretty dress and new shoes and forgot about the pointe shoes. She organized her bag before the performance so it would be easier to find things and (I hoped) to put them back in their place. I know she's just 13 and will get better with this as she gets older. Nutcracker the excuse was that the dressing room was so small. This performance the excuse is that the dressing room was so big.

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My younger DD just told me she lost one of her new slippers -- for the second time this month (Dad found it last time when he parked the car on top of it). My plan is to tell her that I replace worn out slippers and pointe shoes, but that she is on her own for lost ones.

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I'm laughing here...my 14yo DD can be such a scatterbrain. Great student...very dedicated dancer...but she would lose her head were it not attached to her body. It is soo frustrating to me sometimes. Hairpins, nets, even leos....they go into another dimension of "lost". I think it is just the age combined with their busy lives. I have to force myself to let her do without... and therefore have drama... to make sure she learns.

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I have to force myself to let her do without... and therefore have drama... to make sure she learns.


I know that's the real solution but it's so hard. I'm such a softy.

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Oh vicarious I know how it is. My D is 13, almost 14, and she goes through this swings of being hyper organized and careful to being all over and completely discombobulated. We have been through 2 pairs of black slippers this year (needed for different performances) which she uses very intermittently. I like to think these losses where due to not being used to taking care of them so forgetting to carefylly check.

On the flip side my dd seems to be where the other dancers items lost go. She came home last summer with an extra leo, shirts, and socks. She drives me insane at the sametime as making me worried that she has just that one too many thing her plate to stay on top of it all.

But isn't it nice to know that they can be excited about dressing up in a new dress and being a teenager. Ugh!

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It's why St. Anthony will always have his own cultus. His special competency is the finding of lost objects.

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If it is any comfort, Yo Yo Ma once left his cello in a taxi!!!! (it was returned). I think lots of busy people are a little absentminded.

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I also think there is a developmental thing at work. My dd has always been very organized (but don't look in her room!), excellent with keeping her stuff together, rarely lost things, and always had everything together she needed since she was a little girl. (Yes, I am very spoiled and it is my luck, not anything I can take credit for). However, when she was 13-14, she suddenly started forgetting and losing things. I don't know how many times I had to go back home to get papers she left, back to school for books she forgot, back home for tap shoes, and how many things got mailed from my sister's house after a visit. It made me nuts! and doubly so because it was soooo unlike her.


My mentor for child development laughed and said it was a development phase. The kids at that age just have sooo much going on, both physically and mentally. She also said that the kids also (and boys, in particular) begin spilling stuff and just plain being extra clumsy again around that age. She said it would pass rather quickly and it did.


By 15, she was back to her old, organized, non-forgetting self. I tried hard to be understanding and ride it out. I only let the "consequences" stand if I really couldn't go the extra-mile. (Now, if it had not been so out-of-character for her to be so forgetful, I would not have been so accommodating. I'd have figured it was lesson time.)


Oh, and losing things at performance time in the dressing room is pretty much a given. Too much drama, sharing, throwing things around, and people helping themselves by borrowing others' property. I always count it as a MAJOR accomplishment if she gets everything home that she actually took to the dressing room.

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Welcome to the world of the young teen! It is absolutely normal for kids in the midst of the great hormonal surges of the early teens to forget things like crazy. Girls seem even worse than boys at that age. My own theory is that they really aren't, but in general younger girls are more organized than younger boys, so the daughter's sudden change to being a "ditz" is shocking to parents.


This too will pass. :yes:

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This did make me chuckle. Being a teacher I am the one that gets to pick up all the things they left behind and I often find that it the kids that are the most focused in class leave the most stuff around the room at the end of the night. They leave cell phones, pointe shoes, warm ups, school bags, it is crazy! My lost and found is overflowing and it never ends, I take it all to goodwill and the next day it is filled up again! :grinning: For lost items other then pointe shoes find the boys who also cannot find their stuff and have gone through the lost and found to find sweats, tee shirts, leg warmers etc. they are probably wearing your daughters dance clothes. :yes: Ultimately you can probably find the lost stuff, cause it is strewn around whereever your daughter was last. Or is with someone else who took it for her and then forgot what they did with it, cause someone else loaned it for an audition when they did not have theirs etc etc etc. Remember this too shall pass. Or at least will go on hiatus till she has her own small children and then she wont be able to remember where whe put anything or where she was supposed to be at what time. :clapping:

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Can someone please answer this question for me-

Why, if my DD is so disorganized, does she always manage to leave her right shoes and slippers? No hope of combing two old ones to make a pair! But if anyone needs some left feet, let me know.


I agree with Memo about finding things. We have had pretty good luck with recovering many of DD's items either from lost and found boxes, returning to studios to recheck, or making her call friends. DD hates that I make her go through everything, but she has been amazed at how much stuff no one ever bothers to reclaim.

And we will be forever thankful to her theatre choreographer at Interlochen who mailed back her right tap shoe at the end of the summer.

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Ahh, the familiar story! I take refuge in the wisdom that a neighbor college professor shared with me. (she is childless~so her perspective might be a little more tolerant than mine) But she said that most creative types are better "aligned" in organized chaos. That they function better that way. So off I go to find lost shoes, put away last weeks clean laundry, and deliver the forgotten lunch left on the counter this morning! I get to see the reward in class tonight when they (DS and DD) are "creating" beyond my wildest imagination.

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Vicarious - I totally understand where you are coming from. I also have a daughter who gets so into talking with her friends she forgets what her hands are doing....stuff ends up everywhere.


We have a family rule (which applies to our son as well) that I buy all first uniform pieces - for school, dance, sports, etc including laptops, hockey equiment, skates, shoes etc and anything they grow out of. If a piece is lost they have to replace it with their own money - that is money from grandparents, aunts, jobs etc not from us in any shape or form even allowances.



Now this cost them alot of money in the first 6 months or so as their habits changed but they did change!


You are not alone that is for sure!!

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It’s good to know I am not alone in this! My daughter looses or forgets something every week…the good news is it’s usually found under the pile of laundry in her room! :yes:

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I know how it is. My daughter has lost everything at LEAST once. I had just bought her new pointe shoes and she lost them. I am sure it happened when Lauren Anderson, from the Houston Ballet, came and taught a master class. My daughter loves her and I am sure was too excited to pay attention when the class was over. Katy was too worried about visiting with her. But that was kinda the final straw. So I made her do work at my husbands shop and extra stuff around the house for $5/hr and it all went towards new shoes. I talked to her teachers about it and they understood. Gave her a hard time for a while. After a few weeks she had new shoes. But I haven't had her lose anything in quite some time. :yes:

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