She is in!!!!

[Redstorm]

Without getting chatty or changing the direction of the topic....I was wondering jendavis, why your son is leaving The Rock and switching to NCSA?

[ddm]

I sometimes worry that by not sending our dd to a residency program that we are somehow messing up her future opportunities. After reading through this entire thread, especially the older postings where dds left home at older ages, I am reassured that we are on the right track with my dd--at least for now. I am not ready to send her to a residency program. It may be selfish but the time she has at home is so short and I so enjoy her! And I also like to think that she needs me right now as much as I need her. (She's fifteen and in the 10th grade. She will be graduating high school at 17).

 

She is fortunate that she has a teacher who cares about her and her dance future. And I will drive her all over the city to make sure she is getting enough dance hours. I am just not ready to let go.

 

But I'll still worry sometimes that I'm messing up.

[Happy]

"She is fortunate that she has a teacher who cares about her and her dance future. And I will drive her all over the city to make sure she is getting enough dance hours. I am just not ready to let go."

 

You are a good mom/dad ddm, and you have a very lucky daughter. You're not "messing up".

[bontemps]

This has been one of the hardest decisions my husband and I have had to make as parents. We still have not signed on the dotted line Our dd is sure but we are still trying to present all sides (up and down to her.) We went through the application process thinking that we would make the decision IF she got in....so here we are making our list of pros and cons!

[tsavoie]

jendavis, my son is at the Rock this year, but graduating. I too am interested in what has caused him to switch schools. Are you unhappy with the dancing, the academics, the social aspect or a combination of the above? I would guess that North Carolina has more people so there are many more social interactions available there. (If this is too off-topic, please delete)

[mcrm55]

Oh, Joyofaleap, it is a difficult moment! But if your dd has really outgrown your local school, then maybe it truly is the time for her to move on. What Pal says is so true, if you DON"T let her go, then she will always wonder, what if? It seems that this is something she really wants. I was accepted at the Royal Ballet School when I was 12, and my mother discouraged me, carried on about, "well, wouldn't you miss us?" and so on, and it's one of the things I have always wondered about, "What IF" I had gone? I think I would have been so happy there!

 

I don't know what I would do if I had to send my dd away, it must be such a heart-wrenching moment for you.., But if it is truly what your dd wants, and she is really excited and happy and looking forward to the change, then I think your little bird must be ready to fly! She will probably thrive in her new environment. I send congratulations and best wishes to both of you!

[mouse]

Hi!

Letting a child go IS heart-breaking. It doesn't necessarily get easier either. I gets "different". Yesterday, (six years after he left for a residency program), I had to give up my trip to Jackson for the competition. I'm not necessary. I'm not needed in the audience. My husband and I have to provide chaperoning for the rehearsal time before the competition and cannot take more time away from our business to do both. It is hard. I'm quite hurt that we are called upon to make this sacrifice so that others can attend instead of us. I still wouldn't do it any other way. I have always provided what was NEEDED. My child will never wonder "what if?" Thus, ask yourself what's in your child's best interest. This is what you really want to do, even if it hurts. I know.

mouse

[Guest jendavis]

My DS is leaving the Rock school for a number of reasons: financial being the main - they simply didn't offer him a good enough scholarship for him to go back next year, particularly, considering the other aspects he didn't like about the school. He felt the dorm rules were overly restrictive and he really didn't like the academic dean (and I agreed with his feelings on both of these issues). And, he enjoys contemporary dance almost as much as ballet and the Rock doesn't offer classes in modern dance. NCSA was his first choice when he made the decision to leave home, however, he didn't make the decision until last August after coming back from SAB's summer program and NCSA was full for the year. But he does like the dance teachers at the Rock and he feels he has learned a great deal from them.

[bontemps]

Mouse- thank you for raising the issue of "what if?" That's has been our main thought in trying to make our decision. Glad to hear it validated here. If your parents have the means but don't let you go when you feel you're ready to make that step then any future failures will be the I wonder "what if's" We sure don't want to look back and regret not letting her pursue her lifelong dream. One of her grandmothers looked at me and said don't you realize what you'll be missing- and I replied, "this is not about me, it's about dd." So, after I said that it helped me realize that we do need to let her go if she feels ready. Lots of traveling in my future, I think.

[tsavoie]

Thanks for your answer, jendavis. I would agree on the overly restrictive dorm rules, especially for the older kids. Also, there is not much contemporary dance there. I have found the academic advisor easy to work with, but I would think that is a highly personal part of things. I hope he loves NCSA, we have a young lady from our studio that will be going there in the fall after several summers there. Good luck to him.

[Guest jendavis]

Thanks tsavoie - I hope he he enjoys NCSA too. I mean, you never know when your child goes away to a school if it will be the right match of school and child. Or if your child can handle all the different stresses of a residence school. Or if we parents can. Anyway, I only cried once - when he had to go back after being home for spring break. And I felt like an idiot, but I had been really missing him and it had just built to a head I guess. I apologized for crying cause I didn't want him to feel guilty for having left home. For top dancers, sending them away to a professional school really is the right thing.

[mmded]

I have just returned from my dancer's last set of performances at her present residential school that is half way across the country She left home at the age of twelve and now four years later will be moving to Germany in the fall to train for two more years and then if her plan works out and things go well she will stay on in Germany or another country in Europe to dance. I thnk that I did not fully appreciate when my twelve year left home with such excitement and joy to train that it might only be the first step and that she could quite possibly never live anywhere remotely near us again. She will be training at a school whose affiliated company does 130 performances a year and works eleven months of the year and pays their dancers year round. Unfortunately in this country there is nothing that comes even close in terms of dancing opportunities. Leaving home to train has only been the first small step even though we thought at the time nothing could be more life changing for our family. For the past four years we have only seen her dance a couple of times a year which was hard but now I can honestly say I don't know when we will have the chance again.

I think it is finally time to pack up her room so it doesn't look like she still lives here.

[Guest jendavis]

mmded, your post starting me crying again. arrgh. sorry to sound like a broken record. I think this year it is hitting me so hard since my DS is already gone and my older DD goes to college this fall (modern dance major). Bittersweet.... we are so happy for them when they are accepted to schools/companies, etc.

[balletbooster]

mmded, that was so touching! I know you hit the heartstrings of many parents here. I know of your daughter's exciting adventure that lies ahead and I wish her all the best. It is hard for me to imagine having mine that far away. I admire you both for accepting the challenge and I hope that your very talented daughter finds her new school to be exactly the right place for her right now!

[mouse]

I add my tears to those shed by posters above. It's been six years since my child left at age twelve. This weekend will mark the final school performances. Like mmded, we've seen but two performances per year traveling nearly eight hours one way to do so and are now about to lose the dancer to a fabulous opportunity in Europe (well, England!). Sure, I'm absolutely thrilled for him in my devastated way! Really, I'm still shocked. Like mmded, I thought the move to a residency program was the BIG life-altering one. It was just step one. I'm stunned--like watching a re-run of a train wreck.

 

We have no idea if or when a trip "home" is planned. (The child hasn't referred to South Carolina as "home" for years. He is at "home" while at school. We live at the "permanent address" which won't even be that in short order!) This summer, there's Jackson and Varna and then he moves abroad.

 

I packed up his room years ago. He has two small corrugated boxes here. They're in the back of a closet, and I'm not sure he remembers them. One has a few stuffed animals and old warranties for computer accesories that no longer are in existance. He has a set of china (hand-painted, turn-of-last-century, Czech left to him by my great-aunt) in the attic. That's it. He turned eighteen two weeks ago. The last birthday celebration I attended was before braces and the last eight inches of height. He's a man. Our job is done.

 

I am wounded but wouldn't have it any other way. My son is a good dancer. More importantly, he is a great person, mature beyond his years and ready to conqueror the world. I am so very, very thankful that there are people with whom I can share my loss/my pride/my experience. Thank you all. This weekend will be hard, but I know from reading these last few posts that I am not alone.

mouse