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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Advice on adjusting DKs back to "home" rules?


tippytoes

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I was just reading some of the latest posts on "teary-phone calls" and it got me wondering how families do adjust to their newly independent kids returning home again. I am so proud of how my daughter has successfully adjusted to life away, but I also suspect that the transition to being a family member and following our home rules might be difficult.

 

:D Do any of the more experienced parents have any advice for those of us who's DK's have had their first (and most delicious) taste of freedom?

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I am always so happy to have my dd home with me again :D . We usually stay up REALLY late talking and then she sleeps REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY late the next day (or week) (or longer). In the past, she hasnt had any big problems re-adjusting to home life and our set of rules. She does tend to get bored more easily because we cannot replicate dorm life with all the kids and fun. I just remind myself that she needs time to re-adjust and also, well, gosh, the time we have our kids at home flies so quickly! With that in mind, I do tend to be a bit easier on her than I should :) .

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Guest ivy'smama

"Welcome home, sweetheart. Now get out of the bed and unload the dishwasher!" :D (Since humor often doesn't come across when writing, I will tell you that was meant to be humorous). Seriously, this has taken about a week of adjustment each of the four summers my DD has been gone. She usually wants to sleep a lot and spend time with her friends right after she comes home. I do have to remind her that she is back home and not on her own anymore. But very quickly it's back to school, ballet and the regular routine.

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Re-entry to home life has always been greeted with "it's great to sleep in my own bed and not wear flip-flops in the shower!" She likes to go out with her friends right away but I have to remind her to unpack before she can leave the house, otherwise she will live out of her suitcase or just leave the contents on the floor. :) The same household rules still apply and have been adjusted as she grows older but not because she was away for a few weeks in the summer. Actually, she has never questioned the rules after coming home and lets us know what her plans are when going out. I suppose she could turn on us any day now :D but I hope not!

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And what about moms adjusting when the dks come home? I've become more independent not having to drive anyone anywhere and I don't want to go back to the way things were either (hello freeways). Maybe that's a topic for another thread :D /

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:thumbsup: Ivy's mama, you made me laugh! My husband and I always joke about all the tasks we are saving for DD each time she returns home. We call her "princess" when she gives us that look :yucky: like she can't believe we are actually asking her to do something! The tone of "princess" is not the same as the tone you use when they are 4! Because she is also at a year round residency she comes and goes several times throughout the year. She loves to come home, but is always ready to go back to a life of no extra chores from her parents. :D
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This will be a new phenomenon for us this year. DD has always gone to school the very next day after returning so we usually give her a week to get re-adjusted into school and dance.

 

This time she has a month prior to having to be back for her job with the company so we'll see. I'm sure with trying to take "stay in shape" classes and working she'll want to vegetate at home. No divas at our house though!

 

FYI (I'll try to find it before work) there is a wonderful older thread about the adjustment it takes to go back to dance classes at home too. For many, in smaller programs or a younger student, it can be tough. The immersion into an environment rich with other "hungry to dance" dancers can make home seem too slow at first.

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Wow, that's always DD's biggest fear- going from high intensity classes to the more relaxed pace at home. Her last week at any program is spent calling and emailing her teachers and I, setting up extra lessons for the year to come, and telling them exactly what she wants to work on in the coming classes. She is INTO this, and really wants her teachers to follow through on what she has learned. Luckily, they are very enthusiastic and understanding, and give her all the hard work she can take!

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The most difficult re-entry issue for my daughter last year was surrounding meals. Apparently she likes the concept of carrying around a tray and getting to choose what ever it is she feels like eating today! Not exactly how it works at our house.

I suppose it will be easy compared to the time we had with our returning college freshman-that is a whole other set of issues!

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I've also been considering the return home after the freedom of the SI, but I never even thought about problems returning to home dance classes! Is this a common problem?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Since my daughter stayed at a private home during her SI, she was responsible for several things. She had to do her own laundry, keep her room clean and neat, rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, you get the picture. Well now that she's home, she is still in this "responsible mode". I hope this mind-set stays with her for awhile. Although she has the same set of rules at home, she never seemed to follow them. I must admit that I really never pushed the issue either. There's something about it when it's your last child left in the home.

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pat--it is a problem for some dancers. Most of the time it is the dancers at smaller schools where the SI is a definite increase in teaching level, intensity and drive. You most often hear of problems returning home when the dancer comes back more committed and realizes that the other students in their home program take a more recreational approach or even the teachers do. That will not likely happen if the dancer is already in a strong pre-pro.

 

The other time it seems to happen often is if a dancer gets alot of attention while away but comes from a very strong program. In those cases, sometimes a dancer away from her dancing peers has a moment to shine but returns home to a pecking order where she is not the one to receive attention.

 

That said, it is a small percentage that either situation would apply to. For most, they come home tired and ready to chill for a quick bit then it's back to getting ready for Nutcracker auditions and the like.

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