Support group time!!

[marie]

As the big day approaches for DD to move to her residential school, the implications of her leaving are beginning to hit me. I am very happy for her, but very sad for me. I am going to miss her terribly. Anyone else feeling these intense bittersweet feelings right now. Perhaps we can rally around one another as we go through this phase of letting go.

 

Also, anyone have a DK going to SAB. Perhaps we could meet in New York!

[cheetah]

DS has been home from his SI one week. His residency program doesn't start for four more weeks. At this point, I can hardly wait until he leaves! Sorry - he's so ready to go that I think it is reflected in every move he makes and word he says. Maybe it's his own way of making sure I'm not going to miss him!

[Muck Luck]

marie,

 

You've come to the right place. There are several BT parents here who are going through the "empty nest " syndrome this fall.It is bittersweet- a time to rejoice for them and a mourning time for us.Fortunately, I think you'll find out that your dk will still need you so get a good long distance phone plan!

Additionally, you're in the right place for support. I have connected with other Moms who have been so supportive knowing we are going through this transition together -so hang in there!

[mini cooper]

At the most inoportune moments I am hit by incredible joy/sadness/melancholy all at once. I'm buying myself some water-proof mascara because I never know when I'll just start crying!

 

As our way of letting dd say goodbye to her friends and embark on her new journey we hosted a big going away party last night. She's been back from her SI less than a week, and her school friends have already started school. Because she has been dancing an hour away, her school friends and ballet friends have not crossed trails - nevermind church and other significant friends.

 

So, last night we had everyone together including family and church friends who have always been very supportive of her dancing. It was an exhausting week preparing for the party (actually summer....working in the yard every weekend). But it was so much fun!

 

Funny story....in anticipation of the party we had scheduled a hair and make-up appointment for dd for the day of the party. Also, in anticipation of the party, dd's dad has been working on a slide show of dd's significant friends and events - lots of dancing pic's including first dance bag, first day of dance, mom applying makeup for an early Nut, etc. This slide show was a surprise for dd because we were pretty certain she would not be in favor of such a thing showing at her party. On the way to the hair appointment, she commented that she was wearing a button shirt so that she would not have to pull it over her head later to change clothes....."just like you always had me do when we did hair and makeup for performances when I was little." Of course I had already seen the slide show with the neat picture of her in her button shirt with me carefully applying makeup. I started crying when she made the comment. Fortunately she's used to me crying for any reason, and I did not give away the slide show surprise.

 

The interesting thing is that the emotion is not necessarily about her leaving. I am so happy for the opportunity she has been given. The difficulty is the emotion that comes at the sharp turns in the road. In the last couple of years I've lost both my parents, and my father in law. All of them were incredibly proud of dd, and were her biggest fans. The emotion comes in missing their physical presence at this significant time in dd's life.

 

DD was happy to have everyone together. She'll get to see them over the next couple of weeks before she leaves so last night was not terribly emotional. It was a bit more like a celebration of what has been and what is yet to come.

 

This is a bit long, but I have really been reflecting on what I've been feeling over the last week. I thank you for indulging me in this bit of therapy - it's certainly cheaper than the real thing! As ML said, there are a few of us on this board in this boat for the first time. There are variations on a theme - distance, age, only child, etc. But, it is nice sharing this journey with others.

[dazedandconfused]

As I said in person, mini cooper, you are brave beyond words. I truly could not do it. My hat is off to you! And to all you other brave ones whose dks are taking this step. Merde to one and all!

[mylildancer]

I know I've posted on another thread about my worries of DD's flight back from Europe, and it must seem silly to many, but it's because I will only have my daughter for 3 and a half days before she leaves for her residency. I don't want anything going wrong with her flights because it will rob me of the little time that I will have with her. Mini cooper, I'm with you. If I don't stay busy, and sometimes even when I do, I start to cry. She's our youngest and last one and so ready to fly from the nest since she has found a wonderful place to train and call home for a while.........

[2marzipans]

I also lost both my parents within the last few years. It changes everything. You realize you can't fill the void, only learn to live with it. You keep remembering them at the dance performances and the holidays. This is my youngest daughter's second year away at CPYB, and her older sister will be graduating college this spring. I cried alot last year and still do (watch out for those Hallmark commercials!), but that is just me. I've always been sentimental about everything. I feel it will be easier to let them go off this year because they're both happy with what they're doing, and we're used to the routine of getting them settled and then counting the days until the first visit. You'll make it through - just be careful what songs you listen to on the radio (more tissues, please!).

 

2marzipans

[marie]

Thanks everyone for sharing. I too, will find myself crying at the oddest moments. DD is my oldest child and only daughter, so I am new to the whole leaving the nest thing.

 

Thankfully there are BT parents who understand and share the same feelings that I am experiencing. Just posting my thoughts and sharing them with all of you has made me feel much, much better. I find it interesting that I also lost both my parents and a younger brother at a young age. I think that makes almost everything I do bittersweet. They never met my DD, but I often think of how proud they would be of her.

 

On the positive side, I get to visit her in New York. I have already set up trips with old friends that live in different states. Nothing like the lure of New York City to get a reunioun together.

 

Thank-you to all who have posted. You have been a blessing to me. Mini Cooper, you are right in that it is nice to share this journey with others.

Marie

[dancerdriver]

This is my first year sending my son away. I am very emotional about it. He did a 6 week SI thousands of miles from home, got home on a Saturday night and began a 3 week program a 2 hour train commute from home. So he gets on the train in the morning and doesn't get home until 9:30 at night. He finishes that SI on Friday of this week and leaves for his residency on Wed.

 

We have hardly seen him this summer and now he is leaving. My whole existence has been driving him, waiting for him, volunteering a the ballet to make myself productive while I wait. The long drives were wonderful for sharing and I can't imagine him not being home. I am happy for him and more importantly I know he will be happier being with people like him who share his passion. Male dancers are a rare commodity around here and he needs to go. But small things set me off. Never the big overwhelming issues. A song, seeing a toddler in an outfit similar to one he used to wear. Small things, big emotions.

[l2daisygirl]

DD leaves in a week and we still haven't packed anything yet. Can you say "denial"...

 

She's more than ready, I'm just waiting on the right time to throw it all in the car. I know it's going to be hard, so why drag it out over weeks!!!!

[dancetaxi]

I'm still in school right now and studying for finals, so I don't have time to think about it just yet. I'm sure that when I drop him off and give him the "mom speech" about how I'm so proud of him, etc., I'm sure I'll burst into tears. I am (so far) still comforted by the fact that I am so happy for him. He's really excited and can't wait to get back. I'll just have to remind myself of that whenever I get weepy!

 

(I might also get a little teary when I have to vaccuum or unload the dishwasher, which have been his jobs since he's been home from summer school! )

[AsleepATheWheel]

Best to all the families with dk's that have been accepted to residencies (particularly with housing) for the year ahead .

[mariliz]

Luckily for me, we have a big family holiday/ party to go to immediately before my dd goes off to dance boarding school . There are going to be 23 of us living in the same huge (rented) house for a week - eating, drinking, making merry and going for looong walks in the forest to lose some of the extra calories! This means I have to get organised early - a totally alien behaviour. We almost have all the clothes labelled and I think she has everything she needs - it's just how we get it all in to a suitcase that remains to be discovered. I too have been putting off thinking about the reality of 'losing' my precious younger child. I keep telling myself that she will only be an hour away, and I know that I am very lucky by comparison. My heartfelt sympathy to all who will be far from their children over the next few months.

[mini cooper]

Ok, it's crunch time for us. This week dd had her last session with her Pilates trainer. Today was her last ballet class at the old school. It also happened to be Nut auditions today for which I helped with check-in. I got to see all the dancers, eagerly anticipating the outcome.....who's going to be Clara this year????

 

The week included a trip to the Galleria in Houston with her grandmother. You know that's always a good trip!

 

The tears are basically free-flowing at this point. We shipped most of her stuff earlier this week. She's nearly all packed except for the laundry that is getting done as I write this. Her debit and credit cards came in today. Clearly she's ready to go. Clearly I'm not ready to make the trip!

 

Alas, on Tuesday we leave for Boston. We're looking forward to hooking up with our good BT friends we made this summer.

 

I hope for those of you whose dk's have left that they have settled in well. Please report on how the transition is going.

[yankee]

mc - best wishes to your daughter! You have given her an opportunity that I'm sure she will always be grateful for. She will be amazed by New England's beauty during the fall! How fortunate for both of you to look forward to reuniting with the friends you each made in Boston this summer. And remember - you'll give each other a shoulder to cry on!! Please keep us posted on how things are going.