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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Scared to Death and Nervous


Pirouette30808

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To Sugarplum239:

 

If I had decided to not try out for Nutcracker this year it would NOT be "chickening" out at all :)! I already thought I wasn't technically ready for it and my experience confirmed what I thought. I had already sent you a PM saying I wanted to concentrate on my technique this year and you still sent me a PM about "chickening" out and how 7 year olds could do it. You are not the same person I am therefore you do not know what I think or how I feel about anything :blushing: ! You may think that you know how I feel and shrug off my experience as something awful and move on. But you are not the one who has to live with my experience, I am. I am the one who got humiliated in front of 200 people, a Professional Ballet Company, staff from the studio, the judges (including the AD), and various reporters and photographers who were allowed to cover the auditions :D ! Also, if I didn't do it you would still have no right to call me a "chicken" however childish that expression is. The choice was mine and you have no right to pass judgment on me. When the time comes for me to join a company I will know that I am ready emotionally and my technique will be at the company level. Sorry if I come across as somewhat harsh or overreacting, but that is just how I feel right now.

 

I am very sorry Pirouette3808, your right I don't know who you are and I don;t know how you feel.I am sorry I didn't mean to be mean, I was trying to encourage you. I guess how I think is different than how you think. I am very truly sorry and I don't know how you felt, but I do know how it feels to be humiliated. A couple of years ago it was time for nutcracker auditions and all the girls told me I should be clara. Moms, Dads, teachers, friends and even the artistic director told me I would be a "beautiful" clara. So when I went to the cast meeting, I didn't have my hopes up, I was convinced I was going to be Clara, and guess hwat- I wasn't. Of course I burst out hysterically crying and I ran to the bathroom so know one could see me crying. I stayed in the bathroom for a half an hour sobbing and when I came out one of my friends asked why I had been crying. Before I could say anything one of the spiteful girls said- and I quote, "oh its because she isn't clara" so then not only did I become the subject to vicous sunject, but I also started crying uncontollably again. I hope that this story relates to how you feel and I hope it works out for the best.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, last week I woke up and checked the mail and I found a letter addressed to me :lol: with the ballet school logo on it, so I knew it was the letter that would tell me the results of the audition :D . I immediately ripped it open and my heart was racing so bad.

 

I scanned the first few lines and I was immediately crestfallen :blink: . I didn't get a role. The letter I got was the one that said that I did a good job, but I wasn't what they were looking for, and that I should try again next year. Out of x amount of people, only y amount got roles and I was not one of them :unsure: . I don't know why but I got my hopes up that maybe, just maybe I would get a role even though the audition was awful but I did and I was only disappointed again :green: . I felt like I was in a fog and I couldn't understand anything. Like, I knew that it was a bad audition, but this letter was confirmation that I didn't get a part.

 

The director wrote me a little note on the side of my letter and it said I did a wonderful job and something about technical ability, something about the costumes, and a million other somethings. To tell you guys the truth, after I read the part where it said that they weren't able to offer me a role this year, I really wasn't up to reading the rest of the letter :unsure: . I wanted to throw the letter away, hide it, anything to make it go away but I couldn't bring myself to do it. All I could do was stand there, in my kitchen, holding it :shrug: .

 

By that point I felt sick :green: and I didn't think I would be able to go to class. How could I face everyone? I was humiliated :blushing: , everyone would be talking about parts and asking me over and over again about what my letter had said. I didn't think I could handle it, but I got ready for class anyways and I went. Class was fine and I'll tell you guys about what happened later :blushing: .

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