Dad & lads who study ballet

[Ms. KLS]

I was wondering if anyone here has any advice to offer fathers whose young sons ask to study ballet. You know the typical guy response: No son of mine, etc.

 

But I'd be curious to learn how some of the young men would advise such fathers. Beyond the "support your son, no matter what" type advice. Is there anything in particular that would have made it easier for them (if they encountered paternal opposition, that is).

 

How did the young guy dancers broach this subject with their father when they realized their passion?

[balletbooster]

I see from your bio that you write ballet fiction. So, I'm wondering if you are asking about this as research for an upcoming book or if you have a personal situation that you are dealing with and are looking for assistance?

 

Also, I'm moving the question to the Parents of Boys forum, where you will be more likely to get responses from those who have some experience in this area.

[slhogan]

Well, what worked for my husband was when my son's ballet teacher explained that our son's odds are *much* greater that he'll get a college scholarship for ballet as opposed to a college scholarship in baseball or football or something like that. She told my husband she had a male ballet student of average talent who received a nice ballet scholarship even though his major was engineering.

 

Perhaps this is old school and not the case for male dancers any longer. But, money talks with my husband, and he now he supports my son 100%.

[Ms. KLS]

I see from your bio that you write ballet fiction. So, I'm wondering if you are asking about this as research for an upcoming book or if you have a personal situation that you are dealing with and are looking for assistance?

Actually, I thought it might make a great article for some non-dance magazines to get the word out that ballet needs boys.

[Mel Johnson]

Then there was the dad who watched his son take class, and next week, HE was in the adult class....

[Tuesday]

My son studies ballet and his dad watches--both my son and I tried to talk dad into adult ballet, as he took about a year of classes when he was young. Incidently, dad quit because the girls at the studio teased him mercilessly, and there weren't any other boys around. He wound up playing soccer and studying martial arts.

 

So while they don't take ballet together, they did decide to take tap lessons together. Dad goes to an adult tap class weekly, but also comes to son's class on the weekends. They have studied tap together for about a year.

[Zampa]

What helped for the Dad of my two DS's was to explain him the benefits of ballet beyond the dancing part, like they would develop excellent life values: discipline, respect, etiquette, perserverance, time management etc. etc. which would be very important for their life after ballet....

[Guest justjan]

What helped for the Dad of my two DS's was to explain him the benefits of ballet beyond the dancing part, like they would develop excellent life values: discipline, respect, etiquette, perserverance, time management etc. etc. which would be very important for their life after ballet....

 

my husband recognized this right away.

 

Our ds has only been dancing a bit over a year and is still quite young, so we're still new to the ballet world. Because of this we haven't had to make the choice to drop other activities, and our level of commitment may not be what others have, so maybe our situation is a bit different. However, I anticipated some objections from Dad, as he is was and is a baseball/softball player and expected that ds would share that interest. But he's been very supportive and recognizes not only the non-physical benefits, but the core strengthening, flexibility and agility that have helped ds become not only a better dancer but a much stronger soccer player. His main concern has been that if ballet is something he's interested in he get the best "coaching" possible (because he's comfortable with the sports analogy).

[Ericka]

I have an issue with nearly always presenting ballet as something that all manly fathers are naturally opposed to. On the one hand, I understand that it happens and I don't mean to pooh-pooh the struggles of those who wish to dance and find their own parents to be stumbling blocks because of these sorts of attitudes. Still, there are plenty of men who don't have any heartburn whatsoever about their sons dancing (including my own husband and father and all the fathers of boys that I've met at our dance school). I wonder if all this harping about how much resistance boys get from their fathers (or school peers, or whomever) actually perpetuates the stereotype. Maybe one should be focusing on all the dads who *are* supportive of their boys who dance.

 

I suppose if you're trying to provide advice to those who are already having difficulties then you have to address the issue, and if you're writing fiction it sets up a nice conflict in the story ;-) But there are actually some boys who get to dance without having to endure daily torture from parents and peers, though you wouldn't really know it from popular portrayals! ;-)

[Tuesday]

That is a great point, Ericka. My son has never had to deal with any male teasing in regards to his dancing, and as I stated earlier, has been encouraged by his father. In our experience, the only people who have been less than supportive of him have been girls and women.

 

I think it is more important to emphasize fathers who are accepting and encouraging of dancing sons than those who aren't, though at the same time, I can understand the importance of offering help for the boys who aren't lucky enough to have supportive dads and friends.

[Mel Johnson]

Then there was my dad. He didn't end up in a class himself, but he was a three-letter man in athletics, and his view was, "Damn good workout! Concentrated hard work! Tougher than basketball, and he looks like he's having fun, like in tennis." One day, my uncle, who fancied himself the bossman of the family here in our little town, was astonished to hear himself identified as, "You know, Mel Johnson's uncle."

[Gremlin]

My son has never had to deal with any male teasing in regards to his dancing, and as I stated earlier, has been encouraged by his father. In our experience, the only people who have been less than supportive of him have been girls and women.

 

I have to agree with this statement in relation to my son's experiences. The saddest part is we have found FEMALE academic school teachers of many grades have been less than supportive. Most recently, was his high school guidance counselor. The unsupportive things this woman poured from her mouth.

 

My husband supports our son 100%. He drives him to class every chance he gets. It allows him the opportunity to have father/son time just as any other father/son would. It allows my husband the opportunity to see that the other dads of boys in the school support their sons. While the boys are in class, the dads can chat. My husband does not hide the fact his son takes ballet. He tells everyone.....including all co-workers male and female. The most important part is that my husband tells people his son takes BALLET rather than tell people his son takes "dance".

[taoofpooh]

While my son's father was disappointed that his son was not interested in hockey he is very proud of him. He works in movies and theatre so he has had exposure to that world. Also, he recognizes that this is something our son loves and not something that his mother is pushing him to do. Now that he is away at school it has been hard to be parted but the pride had grown tremendously.

[Ms. KLS]

I'm moving the question to the Parents of Boys forum

That's fine, except I wanted to hear from the boys (even the adult men), not necessarily the parents. :-)

 

I think the boys/men can offer good advice for fathers who are unsure about their sons studying ballet.

 

Any chance of duplicating this in the Men's Forum and the two young dancers' forums?

[Clara 76]

I can appreciate that you wish to do research here, but I really think you're going to need to get out to dance studios and interview people face-to-face to get the answers you're looking for. The men we have on this site don't appear to have experienced the kinds of problems with their fathers that I think you're seeking. Perhaps even make your own website asking these questions.

 

Also, we don't allow duplicate posting.

 

I'm sorry.