Annoying brat

[Sakura]

As you all know, I'm in a kids' class. One of the little kids spents her time whispering and giggling about me to her friends. Apparently, she finds it hilarious to have fat, inept adults in the class. I used to be the fattest person in class (I was also the second-oldest) though with the entry of more grown-ups, I'm no longer the fattest or the second-oldest.

 

Yes, I know she's only a kid and I'm a mature adult and should get over it but it does grate on my nerves...I don't mind her laughing about my being fat but the truth is as an adult I haven't been dancing as long as the brats and naturally I do mess up more often in class.

 

Grrr...I just wish us adults can have our own class because the kids don't like our presence...the class was a good size but with the addition of new grownups the barre has become crowded and the kids hate it....I REALLY wish I could join a higher class so that I don't need to dance with immature brats...

[vrsfanatic]

Wow, it sounds like the atmosphere of the class is really not that positive for any of you, children students, adult students, pianist (?) or teacher! That can make a fun activity total drudgery!

 

The best suggestion I can give you is to step up to the plate and be the kind-hearted soul who goes in with positive, happy energy and try to turn it around. Try talking with the children students a bit about aspects of ballet that have nothing to do with class. They may look at you a bit cross-eyed at first, but one just might take an interest which could encourage others to follow! Eventually you all may find you are having some of the same difficulties with accomplishing ballet and find that you can actually help each other. If teaching adults is a learning experience for teachers then I would imagine children speaking with adult ballet students can also be a great experience.

[Sakura]

I was the first adult to invade the class and originally tried to be friendly but some of the kids simply refuse to acknowledge my presence or talk to me at all, even simple greetings like "hi" and "see you next week". Finally, I just gave up. Then a few more adults joined and I at last have companions. BTW I'm quite old so we're talking about age gaps of 20 years or so...You'll think they would have gotten used to me by now. I've been in the class for quite long.

 

But now a whole bunch of new adults have joined which makes me happy because I have even more companions but now the kids are annoyed because we have taken over "their" class and it's now crowded. The only reason I stay in this class is because I want to take exams eventually, something adult class will never offer me. I don't think I want to give up my dream for social reasons.

 

My teacher never treats us oldies as second-class but the kids do...it's a bit annoying that the kids always monopolize the front of the class because the adults all hang around behind...(no, it's not for height reasons...some of the kids are taller than I am...must be malnutrition in my generation)...

 

I started out in adult classes and honestly speaking I would only take them for supplementation...fun socially but no coherent progression in teaching, bad attendance, bizarre class attire, "ballet as exercise" attitude...Of course, this varies from place to place...where I am adults-only classes are like that...

 

I've endured no end of ridicule just to find a teacher who would accept me...Every time I call, they would assume that since I'm an adult I must be looking for bellydancing, not ballet dancing. Nothing wrong with bellydancing of course but just because I'm XX, it doesn't mean I'm hobbling around with a stick and unable to do a grand plie...

[vrsfanatic]

It sounds as if your next step should be to discuss your concerns with your teacher. Perhaps the students need to be a taught a bit of tolerance?

[Sakura]

The problem is I am in a rather weak position myself for various reasons so I don't wish to cause any trouble. It's really their class anyway if you know what I mean.

 

I think it must be an age thing because the really young girls and the teenagers in the classes below and above appear quite sane.I just thought of an unexpected benefit...every time I get annoyed, I can be grateful that these kids aren't mine and don't have to put up with their antics 24hrs!

 

I'm at the age where everyone is convinced you should get married straight away and reproduce before your biological clock stops ticking or you will regret it and be miserable forever...being in class with them every week convinces me anew that I should never have kids! I'm old enough now to make old fart remarks like "Parents let their kids run wild nowadays" or "Kids these days have no manners."...lol

 

To be honest, as a result of my single, irresponsible lifestyle, I have a mental age far below that of my body...hope I don't descend to their level though!

 

P.S. My mother hates kids too! It runs in the family! She says she had me only because "it was expected." I'm an only child.

[Memo]

Ha ha the best way to remind yourself that you dont want kids is to hang out around middle schoolers (11-14 year olds). They do grow out of it (well either that or they run completly amock) but my they can be obnoxious!

[Jaana Heino]

Could it be possible, since there are now adults in the class, to inquire to the teacher / school whether it would be possible to set up an "adult exam class" or something such, for those of you who want to take the exams badly enough to stay with the brats? If it was advertised like that, it might both draw the more serious adults and also be conducted in a more serious way by the teachers, which would solve the problems with your current adult classes.

[Sakura]

My current teacher used to run a lot of adult classes but she was not able to maintain them due to people dropping out. Plus she is renting the studio space. My previous teacher also tried to start an adult beginner class but it stopped after only a term due to bad response.

 

Some of the new adults are just trying out the class. I don't think we have enough dedicated people to make it viable. It's hard for adults to fit exam classes into their schedule because you need extra coaching once the exams are close. I worry about that myself. Adults also have a way of going AWOL due to personal commitments. My adult classmates sometimes miss classes. I have missed quite a few myself due to illness, my grandmother's funeral etc.

The kids are the real bread-and-butter of the studio. My teacher does have a few adults scattered here and there in the higher grades. I hope to be one of them one day. My dream is to pass Intermediate one day though my dream is kinda far off. I'm in Grade 6 now and not yet en pointe.

P.S. I noticed that all the adults like to dance all covered up. A lot of them wear skirts, shorts and favour leos with sleeves. Sad...we all seem to have body image issues. My adult classmate likes to complain about her tummy though she is very thin which is kinda ridiculous to me who has a BMI of >26. I can't wait for the kids to get older so that they get zits and boobs...yes, I'm mean...right now, ballet is very easy for their flexible, pre-pubescent bodies and a lot tougher for us...starting pointe for adults is tougher...we have to contend with our heavy bodies...

[primasylph]

The problem is I am in a rather weak position myself for various reasons so I don't wish to cause any trouble. It's really their class anyway if you know what I mean.

 

I would not consider bringing this up with the teacher, in a descrete and private way of course, "making trouble". In fact if I were the teacher, I'd want to know if my students were treating others in the class in a demeaning and disrespectful manner. These girls need to learn that all who take a dance class, no matter level, weight or age should all be treated with the same respect. You shouldn't have to take this with your fist in your mouth. That's just my opinion. Hope it helps!

[spingirl]

I'm wondering when these kids have time to whisper and giggle about you. Once the class starts, there should be almost no time for idle chit-chat. Makes me wonder about how much discipline the teacher enforces!

 

I say that because Friday's class with the under-10 set was a real eye-opener for me! We have several students that like to whisper and make faces at each other in the mirror. Well, on Friday, the teacher (who also owns the school) started squashing that. She must have gotten after them four or five times for talking, not paying attention, and not applying corrections. We were down to the last 10 minutes of class, working on "saute passe/saute arabesque" across the floor. She stopped us to demonstrate the arms, and too many kids were wiggling around and not paying attention, or trying to do the jumps while she was trying to demonstrate. Finally one little girl jumped right into her from behind. Oh, man!!! She dropped her arms and said, "That's it. Class is over." Then she stalked off to pick up her stuff, leaving a bunch of little kids with open mouths and me covering mine to try not to laugh out loud. As we were leaving the studio, one of the more obnoxious offenders said, "Boy, that was a short class." I turned around and looked at him and said, "That's because she was in a bad mood, and nobody was paying attention when they should have." I can't wait for next week's class.

 

So, again, if these kids have a lot of time to make fun of you, discipline is a little lacking, IMHO!!

 

Lisa

 

EDIT: Why don't you go on the offensive? Tell them that you've noticed that you seem to be the topic of conversation for them and ask why. Keep politely asking questions: Is there toilet paper stuck to your leotard, do you have too many runners in your tights, what??? Keep after them until they're good and embarrassed. They need to realize that you know they are laughing at you, and that it's rude and they need to stop it. I really think the teacher should have picked up on this by now, but since she hasn't, go after them and force them to try to explain themselves. Embarrassment can work wonders for bad behaviour!

[citibob]

Maybe talk to their parents, as adult-to-adult. Preferably when the kids are within earshot. Something like "are you aware that your child acts like a brat every week in ballet class?"

[gerlonda]

Actually, there are some kids in my class similar to your's. What helps, and is also good for your own sanity and progression in ballet, is to completely ignore them. There are 2 kids in my class that are "desperate" for attention and will disrupt class to get it. While all eyes (including the teacher's) are on these 2 I don't look at them at all- I focus on myself, quietly mark a combination, stretch or talk to a student close to me about nothing in general. I don't look at them at all. Of course they always want to go in the FIRST group during combinations, or be in the FIRST line during adagio- some days I myself stand in front, or go first (whether I mess up the combination is irrelevant- these kids must know that the world does not revolve around them). Like you've said before, YOU are the adult, I'm afraid that if they know that what they do bothers you it may be too late; however. But from here on out, totally act like they don't exist. When they giggle don't look their way, not even in their reflection in the mirror.

You are trying to attain a goal of passing the exams to get into the next level, make that your entire focus.

[MJ]

You are a mature adult. Strike up conversations with the more mature children and adults in class, just ignore the childish ones.

 

Focus on your dancing, that is the only reason you are there.

 

MJ

[Sakura]

Once class gets going, it's ok; the silliness goes on mainly before and after class. As for the brat's parents, I have never seen them because she appears to live nearby and she goes home by herself.Anyway, parents are usually on their little darlings' side. I personally know a teacher who got embroiled in a media circus for disciplining a pupil. I've forgotten about how mean kids could be.

 

I tell myself that befriending nine yos are hardly useful for networking purposes and that I'm there to work towards my exam dream, not socialize. I'll try to follow Gerlonda's advice. Luckily, there are more adults now. I hope they stick around.If we can get a few more adults, maybe we can get our own class.

 

Besides the new adults, there is a young girl who transferred from another studio. It would be interesting to see if her peers accept her.

 

Maybe if I'm lucky the class would split into two. My teacher does that when some people decide not to take the exam so that the ones who take the exam can move on to the next grade faster. The next class is going for exam for the same grade next year, only my class has just started learning the syllabus and is scheduled for year after next. I stay back to watch them (because we're gonna learn the same stuff in due course) and everyone is over 12 and much saner.There are two adults and one of them dances beautifully.I only wish I'm good enough to join them but they are already in the refining stage.

 

I notice that people who started ballet young are much snobbier about it. I've never had any trouble with teen beginners. They are usually humble, friendly and eager to learn.Their enthusiasm is refreshing.No teen beginners at my current studio though...even the adults have some dancing experience.

 

I've been doing it for a year. Am not a absolute beginner but can't call myself intermediate either.Part of me is tempted to go to the class below but my progress will be slowed and I'll lose my adult companions if I do that.I just hope that our(the brat's and mine) paths diverge at some point and we end up in different classes.

 

My teacher does have one adult class but it's non-exam and around RAD Advance level. The people in it have been dancing for years and really hard-core. Definitely too hard for me...If I can get better one day, I can take it for extra practice maybe. I would enjoy the adult company.

[skyish]

I notice that people who started ballet young are much snobbier about it. I've never had any trouble with teen beginners. They are usually humble, friendly and eager to learn.Their enthusiasm is refreshing.No teen beginners at my current studio though...even the adults have some dancing experience.

 

 

Well I must say that it is not wise to generalize the situation like this. I've started ballet when I was 7 but I've never made fun of anyone because of my snob-being about that. But I'm not writing this because I'm offended; I just wanted to say that it is not about starting early-late-too late etc. It's about how your parents have raised you, it's about your own self issues because kids at that age would act according to their self issues and all they care about is being popular. Those girls are worrying about their own self-images in ballet, and they are trying to cover it by indicating the fact that they have started ballet very young and they make fun of a late starter to make everyone else focus on you, not on them to see their mistakes. And while doing this they feel strong and popular although they are scared to see the truth. Kids are just kids. Do not think that they have completed, fully grown up characters. They are still playing games and I'm sorry that "you" are an object for this game. But if you take them seriously and act like they know what they are doing then you can never escape this situation.

 

I would certainly talk to that particular girl who starts that game and tell her what I think like "you must be sooo scared of your possible lack of abilities to make fun of another one in the class, I know why you are doing this and I'm not paying attention. If you are "that" good as a ballet dancer, then discipline yourself and do your best in the class, do not talk and giggle all the time. That makes you look only and only unsuccessful and stupid and at this point "I" look more professional than you are." It will certainly make her stop.

 

Escaping the situation by switching classes will never work, you can only make them smile victoriously when you run away. And that would be more annoying to run into them in the dressing room etc. Just stay where you are and solve the problem like an adult =)