Wine Couch

[ami1436]

Yeah, it's time for a new one of these, mainly because I need a virtual Wine Mansion tonight.

 

Nothing to do with my dancing, but still to do with dance, recognition, respect, encouragment, dance politics (argh), etc. Don't want to go into details, but am just tired and wish that this thing called ballet that I love so much didn't come along with this particular baggage/emotional rollercoaster.

 

I know that the emotional rollercoaster is actually part and parcel of the whole process. We all have our frustrations from everything from our technique to our pointe shoes to badly-cut leotards/tights/dance belts/whatever to barre and centre space to teacher's actions to the actions of other students to to to... the list continues. It's all how we deal with it, right?

 

And sometimes, you just can't change things, but you need to vent. Or at least unwind. Surely, in this case, as we are all legal here on the buddy board, some wine is thus allowed.

 

So, someone, pass the corkscrew... I don't need a glass.

 

I'm at home, in my pj's, so y'all are welcome to join, but you better bring your own bottle. I'm not sharing.

[Redbookish]

Evening, Ami - sorry to hear you're so down ... I'm just having some very nice Oyster Basy chenin blanc, sitting in front of the fire, nursing a bit of a sore toe - found jumping and anything on demi-pointe today rather painful, and hobbled home. Feels like the big toe joint is just stuck ...

 

But politics is far worse than a sore toe. Hope you get a good night's sleep to set you up for a lovely Sunday!

[Guest pink tights]

Oh, Ami!!

Since, it's morning here in the US, might I buy you a glass of the bubbly, to toast your ppd balance?

[appleblossom]

Well i was feeling in need of a glass because of my work - its not ballet thats getting me down at the moment, but lazy unprofessional sods at my work place, however after a hearty chuckle at ami's post I feel more like a party drink - maybe a bourbon and coke! (lol How very against the ballerina diet all that sugar is, though a dietician once told me that red wine is full of calories....ignorance would have been bliss in this case)

[missvjc420]

My whine is that it's been about 2 months since I see the inside of a studio and I still can't walk pain free most of the time. I guess it's a bit better than the prior all of the time pain but as I write my foot is throbbing and to make matters worse, a board fell on the same foot at work on Tuesday! It bruised my big toe and caused the swelling to go up again and so now I have a cane to go with my splint and metatarsal wrap. I'm RICEing as I type.

[skyish]

knock knock..am I welcome? =(

 

I'm not actually "depressed" at the moment but you know those days when everything seems to be so wrong.. Well my whole month was such a disaster and it goes on. I hated October..

 

Not in ballet, but I have trouble with the politics also. Ignorant, unintellectual, unprofessional, and (reversed) sexist university cultural and social chair was almost forcing me to a nervous break-down last year; and I was going to be miles miles away from her this year but she's everywhere.. I've begun to hate my school.

 

I haven't been paid yet in my new job and I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna be; and I'm broke.

 

My pc is also broken. I'm a technology freak myself and I have enough knowledge and experience to fix it, but it's about hardware and I don't have enough money to change the mother board.

 

All of my friends have gone to different countries with Erasmus (next term I will be going too) and I'm so alone at school. And I hate studying Economics, everyday is a pure pain for me.

 

And what's worse.... I still suck at ballet.. God help me till this month is over. I naively believe that November will be better.

[Jaana Heino]

skyish, why ever would you not be welcome?

 

I am so sorry you hate what you study. Is there no way you could change it? I am on a university career that has taken strange twists and from experience and watching others, I am a strong believer in people finding their own place in the world. In my (granted, limited) experience, forcing yourself to a career you do not enjoy works only very rarely in making happy, healthy, productive lives.

[skyish]

I totally agree with your thoughts. But in my country there's this strange education system (unfortunately) and if you are forced to study science -whereas your main talent is on arts and foreign languages- by your parents, you graduate from high school in the science field and you have no right to choose anything other than physics, chemistry (I'd love to study chemistry but it's too late now), medicine, engineering etc. I'm already a half-computer engineer because of my father so I didn't want to study it (fool, fool me). Medicine would eat my life out, I would certainly die without any hobbies (in Turkey if you are studying medicine you cannot even walk out of your study room so often; I believe it's the same in all countries tho) and I didn't have much choice left so I said "OK I'm into psychology, why don't I study Economics, so my branch would be game theory and microeconomics"(alas, psychology is not counted in science field here ) but it isn't as it seems. I'm, everyday, saving the world (you know economy is the best weapon) and the country in theory classes, but it doesn't help me to save myself

 

Anyway, I don't have a chance to change it for now. But in MA degree I will study Psychology I guess, or I won't do MA, and I will audition for conservatory in Opera department and continue my life on stage (which I would love to) and thus this probability is high, I don't like Opera as much as I love ballet so I'm always having second thoughts. I hate being twenty; because if you don't have a "cause" or a "big goal" which will keep you moving, you just drift away with the flow thinking "2 years left to be trapped behind a desk in a bank Skyish.. live your life" because there's a reality that you must earn your own life immediately, and you can't stay a student especially when you have marriage plans timed to 2008 summer

[heffalump]

skyish,

 

I agree with everything Jaana Heino said above.

 

I don't know how old you are, but I was in a similar situation in my early twenties. As it happens, I was also studying economics in a school where I didn't feel I fitted in. I changed to another university to study more science oriented things (you describe yourself as a tech freak, so maybe that's something you could think of, amongst other things), and haven't regretted.

 

As for sucking in ballet: don't we all, sometimes ? Throw overcriticism overboard and focus on things you do well. Now, isn't that a nice tendú (sp?) there?

 

EDIT: I finished this before reading your post above. In any case, I wish you all the best in finding what you really want to do. It takes courage but is worth it, eventually.

Edited October 21, 2006 by heffalump

[skyish]

Oh, economics is the bane of many people's existence then =P Thanks for your best wishes.

 

By the way, I've found out that if you find a leo that fits you well, and if you look good in the studio, it takes away the feeling of "not to be able to look in the mirror because of the fear of seeing untalentedness" a little =P Next time I will try to put on some waterproof make-up =P But that still doesn't mean that I don't suck Anyway =)

[ami1436]

I hate October too.

 

I thought the weekend was starting well... and then on Saturday I'm cycling to ballet, and it's raining.... My bike skidded on the water, foot slipped off the pedal, I lose control and the bike skids against the curb and I go tumbling off and land and slide on my right side, OUCH, catching myself on my hands before my head could hit (and yes, was wearing my helmet, thank goodness). No serious injuries, but some bruises, and because I'm silly I went to ballet anyways and was all shaky through barre and really out of it at the beginning of centre.... Luckily was much more with it in pdd... but then afterwards had to deal with the 'politics' mentioned above.... and by the end I was just a shattered wreck and also sad because it was Diwali and I had missed dinner due to all the conversations had afterwards....

 

argh.

 

Luckily the man is great and made sure I got some food and yes, some wine. Good man.

 

From tomorrow, Monday, everything *will* be better.

[WendyMichelle]

Ami.......just had a large helping of the politics myself and finally stood up for myself. Am probably finished at that studio, but at least I don't feel like dog doo about myself anymore. Hope things get better for you.

 

Skyish.......speaking from very personal experience, I went through a nervous breakdown two years ago this month. It was an extremely traumatic experience and changed and still impacts my life to this day. Please ask for help if you feel you need it. I didn't and ended up in a very bad way. In the long run, oddly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Made me see my life for what it was and what I liked and didn't like and the need to change certain things. I sincerely wish you all the best and, again, please ask for help if you need it.

 

As for my wine......I hurt my knee at the beginning of the month and am currently out until probably the January sessions start up. By the time I will be able to come back all of the studios will be closing down for the holiday break. I'm not sure at this point if my knee(s) will allow me to continue with ballet.

 

=(

WM

[Striving for Grace]

Aww Ami,

 

Sorry to hear about your biking accident. Glad you weren't badly hurt though (YIKES!)

 

At least you got to have some Diwali cuisine, right?

 

If it makes you feel any better, I tumbled down a flight of stairs yesterday. I figured I was more than ready to brave the stairs since I am now partially weight bearing and opting to use only one crutch. How wrong I was. I managed to get down one flight of stairs ok, which made me overconfident for the second flight. I missed the very first step on this second flight and slid all the way down to the bottom while my friends tried to catch me but only ended up holding my backpack. I had all my winter gear on so luckily it has holes in it but I don't I did twist my knee a bit (stupid camwalkers!) but am otherwise unscathed.

 

Hope the politics start looking up for you. But, truth be told, in the ballet world they'll always be there. So if you need to vent about it again, you know we're always here waiting... with glasses. Sorry, no more bottles... unless they're filled with champagne, yes?

[Trying_to_improve]

Ouch Ami and Striving for Grace

 

I'm bruised as well. I had a most spectacular fall in rehearsals yesterday. A slippery floor and change of direction, meant I went flat out in the air and landed on my arm, shoulder and hip with a resounding thud.

 

I didn't hurt particlulary at the time, but I've been really sore today.

[ruby]

Ouch everybody! I hope everything's healing nicely around the world...

 

I am miserable because I have just given up a part in our show. It was a part I felt very ill-suited to, mostly character acting and not much ballet, and I was both not enjoying it and not very good at it. I hope that the person who gets it will make more of the opportunity. But I feel pretty down now, because it means I'll be in only one piece instead of two, and our performance opportunities are few and far between. I'm also worried that my teacher will misundertand my reasons, and that this will affect my casting in future. (If there is a future show for me - I don't know how long I will be in this town). I also feel sad because I would have loved absolutely any other part in this ballet - literally ANY of the others. The bit I was in will also be really good, and the people who are doing it will be great, but I just felt like a square peg in a round hole. It's a really sweet short ballet, with lovely choreography, and I have loved learning the other people's dances, but will most likely be watching it on a screen in the dressing room or helping people backstage - actually, I feel worse than -- .