Is this normal?

[Sewlinda]

I'm not quite sure how to put all this, but my DD, age 10, is currently at a competition school but is switching to a ballet school associated with a ballet company this summer. She is still at the old school, and today was practicing for a competition, even though she is sick. They don't allow students more than one missed rehearsal, even for illness. Anyway, my daughter, who is not the best at jazz, was having a rough time of it. The teacher walked out of the classroom and told me, and a group of moms that she would like to break DD's arms off and glue them on in the right position. I was shocked and speechless, as the teacher is aware that my daughter is sick. DD is a perfectionist, and practices a lot at home. I can assure you that DD was trying hard to please the teacher.

 

Is this normal? Please tell me that the world of ballet is kinder, at least to 10 year olds.

 

I do not know what the teacher has told DD, but I know that she often comes home with hurt feelings.

 

I am getting very tempted to pull DD out, even though I told her she must stay until the end of the competitions. The school does not yet know that we plan on leaving.

 

Any advice? I could really use it!

[Clara 76]

I wish I could say it was rare but it isn't according to many posts I read here.

 

However, it should be non-existant

 

When a teacher isn't getting results out of consciencious, hard-working kids, then the teacher is seriously lacking and should be looking in the mirror to see where the issue lies....

[Mel Johnson]

Yes, the behavior may not be uncommon, but it IS unethical.

[Guest pink tights]

If, in an academic situation, your DD's teacher made such a comment....what would you do? Probably talk to the school principal or director. Yes?

 

Don't even get me going on rehearsing while sick....

[BelaNina]

Normal? Not in my children's world. But that's because I've chosen where they take classes, who their teachers are, etc. very carefully. We've been fortunate to have choices, I do understand that. But, if my child were repeatedly insulted, criticized, etc. in dance classes, I would have to remove her, even if there were no other viable choices of local places to learn dance. No dance dream is worth a child being mistreated.

 

I do understand that the situation might be different for on-track teens who may not actually have a variety of choices for the serious study of ballet, or other dance forms. In that case, with lots of support from parents for the teen's well-being, it might be O.K. for them to continue studying under those circumstances. I hope I never have to make that choice for my own dd in the dance world. If my dd was 10, and she was experiencing that, on a consistent basis (not just a one time outburst of frustration - even good teachers can have bad days) she'd be outta there - unless the comps were very soon. If the comps are months away, and the choreo can be redone without her, I'd seriously consider removing her now. I'm big on fulfilling commitments, but in this case, if the teacher is not fulfilling her commitment to being a support and good example to your dd, your dd shouldn't have to suffer for her.

[Taradriver]

Just let me chime in here to comment on the sick "sick policy" of this school. This is a sure fire way to infect all the dancers and teachers, what were they thinking?

 

As for that so-called teacher's comments about your daughter's arms - I'd have smiled sweetly and said, "Gee, I'd like to do the same to you after hearing you talk that way about a 10 year old child."

 

I would get my kiddo out of there - yesterday.

[Bennett]

I'd like to heartily agree with Taradriver on this point. Not much can come from a class or rehearsal for a sick dancer. And I'll have to confess, I resent my kids being exposed to dancers who are still running a fever, just threw up or whatever.

 

I'm so glad that, one way or another, you don't have to put up with that much longer.

[Momof3darlings]

Sewlinda--one thing you will notice since you've made the decision to move studios, at least partially, is that you will see much more clearly things that may have been going on all along that you didn't notice or that didn't register because you were happy where you were and may have let some things slide. So while, what this teacher stated was definitely inappropriate and out of line. We all also, tend to recognize those things much quicker or are less patient with them when we either are no longer in the situation or are beginning to pull out of the situation. So understand that your DD being sick and not being given pause because she was sick is not the only issue in this situation. There is also the comment even if she wasn't sick. And there is the fact, in rehearsing that dancers will be corrected, the manner in which they are is what is important not whether they are sick or not.

 

I guess the reason I'm saying this is that there are people who say inappropriate things no matter where you go. It is important that in your daughter begins to understand what is appropriate treatment in your eyes and what is not, that whether this is a jazz class, a ballet class or an academic class. The issue is this particular teacher and her comments not jazz vs. ballet.

[Sewlinda]

Thank you all for your advice. BTFD is a wonderful resource for the inexperienced moms like me.

 

I guess the one good thing about this situation is that we are now certain that we need to change schools soon!

[trythis]

That was tremendously mean spirited and innappropriate. I hope that when you make the change to your new school you have a much better experience.

I think that it really all comes from the top. What the artisitic director believes is acceptable is what you will see from all the teachers. I don't think that these comments should go un-addressed. Somewhere a grievence needs to be filed.

[Hollywood Ballet]

Not a parent of an under 13, but the topic caught my eye and I hope you don't mind my 2 cents:

The violent ideation expressed in what the teacher said is completely unacceptable and unprofessional, and-

If she said that to a parent or parents, makes you wonder what she says to the kids!!??

I agree, get your daughter out of that class, and complain.

[Applejack]

My DS last year, when he was 12, had to deal with a teacher who made inappropriate comments (eg. calling him a woos and defending his right to do so when we talked with him about it). We found another studio where there are many more boys and more appropriate and supportive instruction. He still takes a couple of classes at the old studio (with different teachers) but his attitude has changed so much because of the new classes. Making the break has also helped us see that there are other good options out there, which has been really positive for us all.

[Arizona Native]

I see that you said the school is associated with a company -- which means there is a board. Consider a written complaint to the Board.

[Sewlinda]

The old school isn't associated with a company, but the school we will be moving to is. So, there isn't a board.

 

We are going to put our complaint in writing, as a few of you suggested. Although we will be leaving this school shortly, we want to make the studio owner aware of the situation. Perhaps she will consider changes that will be helpful for the other dancers. We are mentioning both the "sick" sick policy and the inappropriate comments.

 

I have read the new dance school's sick policy, and I'm happy to report that they do not want dancers with contagious illnesses in class.

[Mel Johnson]

Even though the school may be a private entity, I still recommend the board method.

 

I recommend a 2x4, right between the eyes. That's just to get his/her attention.

 

Then, speak your piece, prefaced with, "Lissen, stoopid:"