Stressing - need advice

[cnj2508]

Hi All - sorry I just need to vent and destress a little. My 13 year old DD just auditioned for dance at our School for the Arts her in Baltimore and has received a call back for this Friday at 1pm to take a ballet and modern class. I know that she is stressed, but I am so very stresed it is not even funny!! I have never felt this stressed in my entire 39 years of life. She wants to attend this school so bad and has done everything that could possible be done to prepare for the audition and now we have to wait until Friday to go back for the call back. Does anyone have any experiences/words of wisdom for poor me to help me get through the next couple of days??? Thanks - I know this was an odd post ... just don't have anyone I can vent to that will understand!! Have a great day and roll on Friday!!!!

[cheetah]

Go for a really long walk, clean your house really good, wash the dog (three times) if you have one, etc. Make yourself so tired that she doesn't see your stress, which won't help her at all. Avoid talking about it and focus on other subjects that aren't too stressful - school, social outings, friends, vacations, etc.

 

No other real advice - this is just how I've managed to deal with my own DS in these situations. Oh - and if she doesn't make it, you don't want to seem upset. That could make her end up feeling like you are disappointed IN her. Even though we know we are all just disappointed FOR them, teens don't always fully understand that whole empathy and mother thing!

[cnj2508]

Yes - I have done really well playing it cool and not showing her how stressed I am, I just want this so badly for her and even if she does not get in, her current ballet school wants to give her a 2 year scholarship and sign her on as a trainee, so it is all good. I did really good not bringing it up unless she did and now I will have to go back to that place and maintain until later this week!! My best friend has invited me over to her house this evening to sit in front of the fire, I think I will take her up on it!!!

[Small Slipper]

Breath! It sounds like she has some wonderful opportunities to choose from! Dont stress! ;)

[cheetah]

Hmmm...I don't think I'd sit. Maybe you can clean her house or wash her dog! Sorry - it's very, very hard to sit back and watch, especially when we have no control over the situation. Only your DD and the school do.

[Victoria Leigh]

Also keep in mind that a call back is a good thing. They could have rejected her right away, but obviously they have an interest if they have her coming back.

[Tuesday]

I am in favor of discussing reality. So with my DS, I discuss there is a good chance he might NOT get in to XYZ program, and how will he feel? What could we do instead that would be a good plan B if he doesn't make it in?

 

This seems to help both of us calm down and just wait to see what happens. And if what we want doesn't happen, we've already figured out the next step.

 

Good luck to you and your DD!

[cheetah]

At a certain age, they seem to know the realities. Last time I brought that up to my son, he calmly told me that he knew what the odds were and I didn't need to remind him and make the situation any more stressful! He also doesn't like to talk about Plan B. Every child is different. We don't talk about ballet at all anymore - unless he broaches the subject. If she's open to talking, then that's great!

[pj]

cnj2508,

 

If it makes you feel ANY better, please know that you are not the only one with this particular predicament. If I were to post here about all of the various choices (along with any and all related and very reality-shaking "consequences") that dd is now "juggling" (and her parents along with her) just waiting for that absolutely perfect choice to fall out of the sky and onto her lap, everyone here would be stressed for her too! It is so incredibly nerve-wracking not to have a crystal ball at your beck and call.

 

My point is that this sounds like just a beginning of all of the other good things to come for your dd. So be happy, run around the block (or take your very clean dog for a ride in your very clean car) and go talk to a friend who has no vested interest in the world of ballet.

 

I did that just this morning -- and I'm already ready for another stress reliever due to yet another "out of the blue" phone call.

 

.....waiting for the crystal ball to be delivered to my doorstep.....and one for you as well!

[Quarterking]

cnj2508,

 

You are not alone. Any of us who take the time to be BT4D members understand how you feel.

 

I agree with Ms. Leigh. . .a call back is a good thing. I also saw that you said "I just want this so badly for her. . ." and perhaps thats where I will focus on my post. All of us identify with you. We ALL want success for our children. I don't want my child to succeed and have your child fail. I want my child to succeed because I love my child. You are the same. You don't have anything against my child. The problem is, we all realize that not all of those who audition will succeed. That's the real world.

 

For us, our faith in God has made the difference for us. I could help my DD understand that "the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."

 

You and I can support our children, but they are the only ones who tie on the shoes and dance. I advise you to be there to support her and be sure she knows you love her as your daughter, not only as your dancing daughter. Let her know that you support her and not only her dream. Best wishes to you and your DD.

[mcrm55]

Everybody has said such wise things! I would only add that I think it is important to try hard to dump as much of the anxiety as you can in your dd's presence. I try to vent with friends away from her, exercise a lot, sing in the shower, anything to blow off some tension! And then, when you are with her, be cheerful, realistic, and unconcerned, even a bit breezy about it...because what we all tend to forget that our children's LIVES do NOT ride on these things, this is NOT life and death, and she will to some degree take her attitude towards the relative importance and meaning of failure or success from you. This is a summer program, and there are lots of ways to make the summer a good one for her, with or without this one program. When God closes a door.... is always worth thinking of. Best luck to you both!

 

mcrm

[Treefrog]

I don't know how much help this will be, except perhaps to offer that you CAN reach a stage where stress disappears. I will admit to lots and lots of stress in years past, with both DDs. And they weren't even serious pro candidates! They just wanted a place to go away for the summer and get good training. It's just in my nature to get very anxious. I would try to hide my stress, but they knew it was there.

 

Somehow, this year, it has all melted away. Maybe it's because current DD is a second child, maybe it's because she's older (16), maybe it's because I spend a lot of time at the gym ... but the stress just isn't there. I drop her off at the door of auditions and drive away. Before hand, as she is jabbering away about strategies and superstitions, I say -- in all sincerity, not hiding anything -- "Sweetie, go dance. Have a good class. Follow vrsfanatic's advice and 'Be the music'. Don't worry about dancing first or last, or where you are in the room. Just have a good time." For the first time, I believe my own advice (on the Anxiety: whose audition is it, anyway? thread).

 

I can't really explain what has happened, so I can't offer you any magic solutions. Here's holding out hope you will find this same state of peace.

[cnj2508]

Thanks to everyone for the words of advice and sharing ... I feel so much better today. This is for High school - not just the summer, the summer auditions are never as stressful because we have many, many options for really good SIs here and the surrounding areas ... I am breathing and thinking about other things and will get to Friday when it gets here, and what will be will be, the botom line is I love my daughter more than life itself and will always be proud of her no matter what for what she has achieved so far!! Thanks again and have a fabulous evening!!!

[cnj2508]

Okay - wanted to update everyone - letters were mailed Friday, Monday was a holiday so there was no mail. Some people got their letters yesterday and we didn't so we are all waiting for the mailman today .... we live very close to where this school is located so I am hopeful the mailman will bring us good news today ... will update later. Keeping fingers crossed ........

[cnj2508]

okay - good news - she was accepted!!!! We are so very proud of her .... this is something that she has been working towards for years. I am so happy for her and she is on cloud nine ... life is good and I can relax ... except for the pile of paperwork that I have to fill out. But that is nothing!! Thanks for being there for me to vent - I love Ballet Talk!!! Take care everyone - Claire in Baltimore