Friend troubles...

[LilBalletDancer1993]

Okay, I have two "best" friends, who go to my regular school AND my dancing school. They are both lovely people (well, one is definitely, and the other I am sure is deep down...) but they are causing me to be quite upset in two different ways.

One has a problem which I think would be easier to solve, I'm just not sure how. She is lovely, and a really lovely dancer, but is so shy it can be annoying. She is so nice, I think that that is what makes her so unconfident. I mean, almost all dancers, no matter how amazing they are, have some fault or another, but she is good at everything! she can jump, her turnout is good, her pirouettes are as good as anybodies and her FEET! They are so beautiful it's untrue! Highly arched AND strong too- it's just not fair!! But still she thinks she is rubbish, and it's not a front, you can tell she really does. I think she is fussed because, she's not fat in any way, shape or form, but she is quite athletic built if you see what I mean. She is very toned, but quite curvy, and I think this makes her self conscious, maybe because most of the girls in our class at my dance school are very slim (I'm one of them, which may not help her confidence ), and this makes her think she is fat, when she really isn't. She's probably got less body fat percentage than me because she is so muscular and her diet is too healthy (mines not THE best sometimes, but I get away with it too much because of my high metabolism and lots of excercise ), but she's three or four sizes bigger just because we are totally different builds . Also, she's paranoyed she's "stiff" because she can't do the splits, but I sit in them a lot (not to show off, just because i want to keep flexible and I kinda like it, it feels almost comfortable ). The consequence is that although she is a good performer (like performance quality) when she wants to be, but if she feels shy she shrinks to the back and just looks at the floor. I have tried to tell her lots of times that she shouldn't be so afraid of standing in the front sometimes, that she is a lot better than she realises, but she won't have it. In fact, sometimes it makes her kinda angry, and she says "don't!" and looks upset I just dont know what to do to make her more confident and happier, especially because... well, I'll explain later, after I've told you my problem with my other friend...

My other friend is quite different. She PRETENDS to be unconfident sometimes to get attention, and plays a very innocent and sweet act with everybody so they think ahhh bless, even though I can see it's an act! And i know i'm not imaginig it, because occasionally she says little things that slip away what she really thinks, but it only seems to be when I'm around, probably because she feels more at ease because we are closer friends. She has no reason to be unconfident, because she is very slim too, and quite a good dancer (not the best, but a good standard for someone who is, you know, normal, just someone who plans to do their grades up until they're 18, and then go off and do an ordinary career), the only problem she has is flat feet, but they've improved quite a bit, she's on pointe now, even though it was two or three terms after me and some others our age. And she has this thing about thinking I am some sort of compulsive liar, and is like "oh, really" like that when I say stuff, as though she thinks its all fake, and if I am being sarcastic about something and then say afterwards "joke, I didn't really!" she goes "hmm, you do that a lot, don't you? say fake stuff" and it's really hurtful, because sometimes I'm trying to explain something but she just ignores me as though Im making it all up! I'm not sure why she does this, I think it's because her mum doesn't like me because I get to do some stuff at dancing before my friends, and because I once won a BIG figure skating competition, and just because she hasn't heard of my rink, it means to her it doesn't exist, and I make up everything I say to make everyone think i'm amazing and for attention! But my rink is almost fifty miles away from where i live because figure skating isn't popular in my area, it's not even my favourite, and i like it a lot (dancing is my number 1 ! ). She then told my dancing teacher in secret that I was going around making up that I skate, just to get me in trouble and make my teacher mad at me, and leave me out of a big show we do that I was really getting excited about! So now I cant ever talk about something I like with my dancing friends for fear I'll be left out of something at dancing... This friend also pretends to be unconfident so that she gets lots of attention from our dancing teacher, but she's not because sometimes when she's just with me she says things like "I love being at the front in shows because I'm the best performer so everyone just watches me" and "Why are you doing your grade 6 early? I thought we'd do it together, because I'm just as good as you, but I can jump higher and am more rhythmic as well. You're not especially good at anything.". But then when other people are around she's more "Oh, I can't do that, I'm a bad jumper"!!! she does it because she knows that the less confident people get more attention with our teacher, and more compliments and things...

Now for the worst bit...

Because both my friends appear unconfident (one is, but that's just how she is and I really want her to realise she's actually very good , the other is just a bit of an attention seeker...) my dance teacher now thinks I am what makes them unconfident! It probably looks bad because the two shy people (though one is a faker ) are both my friends, but it's not that at all! I'm not terribly over confident myself, I'm just normal I suppose. I mean, I don't push myself forwards, I never compliment my own dancing really, I'm just the same as everyone else on that front. But because my dancing teacher has this idea that I'm somehow making these two girls unconfident, she keeps ignoring me, no compliments on anything at all, and rarely any critique, so I have to constantly be very self disciplined and think a lot about my placement and technique so i don't lose it, but keep on improving because i want to be a dancer when I'm older.

So basically...

a) how can I help my first friend realise how good she really is?

how can I show my dancing teacher that I'm not hurting my friends, my second friend is just causing trouble for attention for herself. Because I really do, for some reason, like that second friend but I am now getting really upset and don't know what to do. I love my dance school, and everyone there, so I don't want to leave, but my second friend is making it awkward for me, just to get compliments for herself, but no one realises she is doing it because of her unconfident act, which is clear is a lie, I'm not the only one who thinks it, some one else randomly said the other day "what do you think about (friend 2) ? Because I think that there's actually an edge to her I didn't realise, Ikeep noticing it..." so now I KNOW it's not just me, but it's causing me a lot of trouble, making me out to be a liar, and making my teacher think I am hurting my friends, so I get ignored, and left out of things. Please help me.

What should I do?

[vrsfanatic]

Please sit down to speak calmly with your teacher regarding your observations, but the focus needs to be on you, not about your two best friends. Show your teacher who you are. It is important for your teacher to know you!

 

You are fortunate to have two friends you find as an asset in your life, but do not make them your life!