Saying no without burning bridges

[lorrainegd]

I searched for information here for my question, but I can't find it...

 

DD recieved an invitation to residency from her SI this summer. She loved the school, but we are just not prepared to make this move yet, financially or emotionally (she's 12 ). How do I inform the school that she cannot attend this year while still keeping the door open for possibilities in the future. While dd doesn't want to live there now, she really loved the program/school and would possibly consider it in a couple years - possibly even SI again next year.

[mom2]

Lorraine,

 

I would say much as you have here - I am sure the school has heard this response in the past, and will again. You are the one who knows your dd best, so don't worry!

 

 

m2

[AsleepATheWheel]

Dear Fabulous Residency Program Director,

 

Thank you so much for accepting me to your year round program! I am honored to have been acccepted and I would love to attend. Unfortunately, I will be unable to attend this year due to a combination of financial and family factors. I plan to audition again next year for your summer program and hope that, with sufficient improvement, you will consider me next year for a spot in your residence program (or at some point in the future, you guys decide how to word this).

 

I would also like to thank you and your marvelous faculty for the fantastic summer training opportunity. I took advantage of all that was offered to me during each class of every day.

 

Sincerely,

DD

 

 

Or, you can write a similar letter, if you prefer, and send it instead of one from your dd. Or....you can both send letters. Either way, these programs get acceptances and rejections frequently, just like the kids do. It's best to be prompt, polite and complimentary...if, in fact, she did like the program and you intend to try again in the future.

[Clara 76]

I think you already said it best:

She loved the school, but we are just not prepared to make this move yet, financially or emotionally (she's 12. While dd doesn't want to live there now, she really loved the program/school and would possibly consider it in a couple years - possibly even SI again next year.

 

Just have her write a letter/note to them thanking them and explaining that she's a bit too young but it is something that she's seriously interested in pursuing at a later date.

[lovemydancers]

Did you ask for her to be evaluated or otherwise audition for the year-round program? If you asked and are now turning it down, I think the response might be a little different than if they offered it out of the blue.

 

If you asked, then I think I might respond with something along the lines of "after further evaluation of our financial means and family needs....", whereas if they offered out of the blue, I might respond with something more like "very flattered, would love to consider in the future, too young now".

[Guest JustMigrating]

Don't worry that the school won't want your child in the future simply because you turn down the offer now. I would think any decent school would realize that it isn't in the school's best interest to take a dancer who can't commit, at a particular point in time, to be there. My DS had been accepted year-round when he was 13 but he turned it down after thinking it through. He wasn't ready to leave home and he wasn't 100% convinced he wanted to be a ballet dancer. He then did go to that same school for his junior and senior years of high school and loved it and the school was great to him.

[Bennett]

I've known several dancers who were asked to stay year round, declined and were asked a second (or third) time. I wouldn't expect it to influence their future decisions, especially since your dancer is quite young.

[lorrainegd]

Did you ask for her to be evaluated or otherwise audition for the year-round program?

 

At the start of the SI they asked DD to check a box marking if she was interested in the year-round program. The options were the equivelent of yes, no and maybe - dd checked maybe.

 

I also know that kids have declined invitaions to this program and been offered a spot again in following years. I just want to make sure that I DO keep that door open for dd. She really loved the program - in fact we are looking for a new school and now the "barre" has been set pretty high in our search

 

Thank you for all your great suggestions!