Friend missing classes.

[panda bear 16]

One of the girls in my ballet class and I have a couple of classes together at school, often she will ask me at school to lie to our ballet teacher when she does not feel like going to ballet. I have been refusing to lie for her and have given the teacher the honest anwser that I don't know where she is. I'm worried that if I lie for my friend I will get in trobule with our teacher as well. What can I do to deal with this situation with out hurting anyone, as the other girl involed has a tendancy to over react. When I tell her no she will yell at me and call me very unpleasent names infrount of the class , I would like to avoid this as much as possible.

 

Thanks

[Mel Johnson]

You don't have to make excuses for her. Don't let her put you in the middle. By answering, when directly asked, that you don't know where she is, you have fulfilled any ethical obligation in this matter. She will have to face her loss of motivation herself, one way or another, in the not-too-distant future.

[Clara 76]

Panda- you're doing the right thing, absolutely! Doing the right thing is usually also the most difficult thing to do, but it is something you will not regret.

 

If she calls you names stand up for yourself. She is in the wrong here, not you.

[panda bear 16]

How do I tell my friend with out her getting mad at me and / or causing drama in our dance group that I won't lie for her. I know other girls have lied for her iin the past. My group is really small only 6 of us in most classes ( prof , modern , lyrical, jazz , unset , and musical theater) and 3 in ballet exam , and we have all danced together for 6+ years and are like sisters, I don't want to jepordize the group bond. Thank sooo much

[Clara 76]

Unfortunately, it may not be possible to do that....

 

If it were me, I would tell her in a very caring tone of voice that I cared too much for her, to lie for her. I would tell her that she ought to talk to someone about her struggle, because in all honesty it's not fair for her to be burdening others by asking them to lie for her.

 

Make sure she knows that you care, and be sure you never say anything negative about her behind her back to the others in your circle of friends.

 

Good luck.

[panda bear 16]

Would it be a good idea to tell my teacher or AD whats going on. I know she has been in her other classes , it is only ballet she has been missing. My english teacher over heard one of my " conversations" with my "friend" and she has told my " friend" not to ask people to lie for her and to watch her language. Other girls in my class have noticed and been asked the same questions yet none of us have said anything and continue to give our honest anwser the we don't know where she is. I know it's wrong but I feel frustrated when my " friend" chooses to come to class because we have to go over everything from the previous 5-6 classes.

[vrsfanatic]

If your friend is asking you to cover for her, she is a confused friend and may be in need of more adult supervision and advise than you are able to give. Do not give her the information she is seeking on what she has missed in class. This has been going on way too long. Do not be a victim. Let her know you are not happy with her contribution to your friendship. If you would like to help your "friend" as difficult as it my seem, let your teacher know the next time there is a question regarding her absences that you would feel more comfortable having a conversation privately and then tell the truth.

[kwdancer13]

I would talk privately with your instructor about her absences. I'm sure your teacher/AD would prefer the truth and maybe should have a discussion about why exactly she doesn't want to attend her ballet classes. It is never your responsibility to lie for someone when they are in the wrong.

[Mel Johnson]

I have to go back to my advice to "stay out of the middle". If you are so distraught about this situation that it compromises your own performance in class, school, or stage, then you need to talk to somebody about it, maybe not even your teacher. If your teacher is curious about your "friend"'s absences, then it is up to him/her to ask your "friend" directly, one-on-one.

[vrsfanatic]

A very wise response Major Johnson.

[panda bear 16]

She finally came to class yesterday after missing 5 weeks!!! The 3 of us who come to class every day were very frustrated. as we had to reteach each excercise and my " friend" got mad at thoes of us who go every class afterwards saying that we should have taught here all of the excercises. we didn't get to pointe work and thursday is normally long pointe night. the whole class is frustrated as a group could we talk to the teacher or do we talk to our " friend", all of us wanted to walk out of class

[Victoria Leigh]

It sounds to me like the teacher has a problem here, and is not dealing with it. It is not your job, or the job of other students in the class, to teach a student who has missed 5 weeks of classes, especially for no good reason, anything. It is your teachers job to keep the class moving and let this person do the best she can. She has no right whatsoever to demand to be taught 5 weeks of missing classes. But, it's the teachers' job to make that clear, and not to hold back the rest of the class. If she does not do this, then maybe you need to find another school.

[panda bear 16]

I don't think that I was very clear with my last post, my teacher asked those of us who have been in class to teach her , to see partially how well we know our work, or my "friend" was asked to copy as we did the excercises. during an extra class today ( were doing extra classes right now to make up for x-mas break) our teacher did say how unhappy she was with thursday's class and did push us harder than normal today i'm assuming to make up for the lack of real work on thursday.

[vrsfanatic]

panda bear 16 it is not possible to make up a class ever physically. A missed class will always be such. Scheduling extra classes to "make up for the Christmas break" is allowing the teacher a greater income possibly but for the students, a break will always be just that, a break. It is sometimes very good to rest the body.

[panda bear 16]

My teacher has found a way to help those of us taking the exams and prsuing ballet more seriously. She is now offering invitation only classes before or after regular classes and it has been made clear to my friend who is upset about the changes that when her attendance improves she may be able to attend. The new classes are smaller ( pairs) how ever they are only 45 munits and are being used to work on weaknesses and push strengths further.