Two Different Dancers

[skyish]

I have a problem that I, on my own, cannot cope with.

 

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has ever experienced this; but I'm two different dancers in two different studios. I sometimes feel like there's a switch in my head which turns on/off my ballet skills. And in one studio, that switch is always off, and in the other it is always on. In one studio, atmosphere is so bad and it is competitive, and people are mostly jealous and mean, teacher is also cruel and not really helping;and in the other, we are only two and we really enjoy classes.

 

Of course psychology would effect physical abilities. But in what degree? It is so shocking that in one of the studios I can do triples, fouette turns, and everything and when I set my foot in the other studio even my doubles are wobbly, I can't even do the preparation of fouette turns, and I always get confused and forget the choreography, so I always make mistakes. I'm not really a stressed person, I don't get psyched or nervous easily, and yes I study Psychology, so I can observe my feelings in a technical way. But ability is an ability, and what defines ability (imho) is its existence everywhere and under every condition. But every time I forget that there were people hoping that I'd fall and break my leg in the bad studio, I do something that looks pretty good, and after that I see them whispering to each other, or my teacher says something like "Yeah yeah, you can turn but not like a ballet dancer" and there it goes again, the switch is off. In the good studio my teacher is teaching me how to dance, so now I actually am able to look in the mirror when I dance and I smile, my arms are more relaxed and they are closer to an adjective which is a little inferior to "graceful", but in the other studio my teacher still gives corrections to other people on me like "Don't be like Skyish, she is stiff and almost angry when dancing" or she says "Don't look at Skyish she always forgets the choreography" and etc. so whatever I do, whatever I improve, she is not able to see and when she says things like that I just get worse in what I do so I just get stuck in this circle. And like I said, it is not only the teacher, but my class mates are acting weird because everyone is after a big part for the spring performance, but they can cope with the competition and they can still show their abilities whereas I look like a complete idiot. My flexibility is my best trait and even my arabesques and extensions are lower in the bad studio!

 

Do I need to learn how to cope with this since this is ballet world, and wherever I go on this earth the chances to come across things like that are pretty high, or do I just need to calm myself down thinking "I'm doing this only because I like it" or do I need to just leave the bad studio because it is effecting my abilities really negatively?

[jimpickles]

First cab off the rank (as we say) - though I'd be interested to hear how one of the teacher/mods will answer:

 

But - why do you go to the bad studio? Its obviously not doing you any good, and may be undoing the good work of the other one.

 

You dont have to try to survive EVERYTHING! The teacher's attitude is clearly very mean, and you should not have to put up with it.

 

Jim.

[Mazenderan]

I think that is the teaching is that poor in the other class then you should just leave. Why tolerate that lack of professionalism?

[Victoria Leigh]

I would not continue in a negative, unhappy situation where you are not able to enjoy dancing. That defeats the whole purpose of being there.

[Claude_Catastrophique]

I'd also leave that place...dancing should also be about joy and obiviously you do not enjoy dancing at this place. I'd try to find another studio where you can find a class that you enjoy (so that you have the same amount of hours dancing per week). I also think that you do not learn and progress too much in such a destructive climate.

[dancepig]

Why are you paying someone to make you feel so bad? I could understand if there was no other studio, but I'd just stick with the one studio until you find a second studio you can dance well in.

 

And,

 

First cab off the rank

What does this mean? I know what snags and stubbies are, and I know what off the weight is, but "First cab off the rank" ?

[skyish]

Yeah sorry I needed to clarify the most important issue here, I forgot...

 

I'm going to that studio because I do not pay anything. It is a win-win condition; they are lacking soloists for the end year performance, and that performance is a huge deal for them. And I actually wanted to leave that studio for good a few months ago, that's why I found my new studio because they were not teaching me anything new there. So I talked to my teacher about the fact that I could not afford going there anymore, so that I was leaving, she said she didn't care about money Actually with my usual Pollyanna attitude, I know that my teacher means no personal harm, but maybe she doesn't like me as a person but sadly for her, I'm the only student with 100% attendance, I'm working insanely hard and I'm the best candidate for a character role among her students and she is planning to put Don Quixote on stage this year so she needs me...

 

So yes, if I were paying to take classes there, I wouldn't think twice before leaving. But the chance to take 4 more classes a week? That's why I'm asking, it is probably undoing the good work of the other one as jimpickles said; and maybe it's causing me to do worse than what I actually can do. After a regular class with them (just as it happened today) I start to feel really insecure and I feel like quitting ballet for good. Still..

[Serendipity]

Although the atmosphere in ALL of my classes is good, I can sort of sympathize with what you are going through. I have similar issues (albeit not necessarily for the same reasons?). I go to two studios and have 3 different teachers (soon to be four). In one, I'm in the higher class and I feel totally inadequate even though in terms of quality, my teacher said I stand out well ahead of the others. With the other two teachers, I feel very "on" when I'm dancing. Not sure what will happen when I start with the fourth one.

 

What I've decided to do, for the upper class, is to just "go inside myself" if that makes any sense. No one else exists in that class except me. I know I'm unconsciously comparing myself to the others in terms of technical skill, and that's getting me down. I know I can turn singles and doubles cleanly, but it's not happening in THAT class. It happens in the other two. So for me, I need to "feel safe" psychologically.

 

I'm going to use creative visualization for it. I get one of the best workouts in that class, so that's what I'm going to work on. Although your teacher isn't a pleasant woman, you can take the workout and use it exactly as it is - a workout, not a teaching session. Get the teaching from the other class and apply it in the awful one.

 

I use material gleaned here in my classes now, and I feel it's making a massive difference. See the class more as an exercise class rather than a ballet class and see if that helps you feel better about what you are doing.

[handan]

Do you think it would help if you spoke with the teacher about how you feel about things especially about the remarks when she compares others to you; that must be so hurtfull. I can relate to being different in different classes, I do not go to different studios, but do get that occasionally in the advanced class when I start feeling insecure, everything starts falling apart especially turns, where I do much better in a lower level class, and a supportive teacher then makes all the difference.

I feel very sorry for you but if you really feel like quitting, I would just quit the bad studio and keep taking the classes that you do enjoy, and maybe try to find some other good classes. Best of luck!

[davidg]

It's OK for a teacher to use a student as a positive example, although that comes with some risk. It's NOT OK for a teacher to use a student as a negative example, except for maybe very rarely, if that student is someone everyone looks up to. I would leave that teacher/studio.

[xSugarplum]

You said going to the bad studio is a win-win situation because you don't pay anything to attend classes. But then you mention that you feel so awful at the studio that after classes you doubt your abilities and feel like quitting ballet altogether. That does not sound like a win-win to me at all. You've found a new studio where you feel safe to take risks and excel, and one that presumably doesn't make you feel like quitting. It doesn't matter if the negative school needs you...because you don't need THEM. Not paying for classes shouldn't even factor into this considering the fact that you said yourself you're not learning anything new in those classes, and if anything you seem to be making strides backwards. There's no point accepting things that are free if they're only harmful to you and your dancing. At this point in the situation I would think that the only small option in which you could consider to stay is if not only the classes were free, but they were actually paying you for your time, both in classes and performances. If they're not paying you, then you don't have any obligation to stay, and it would be a complete disservice to yourself to do so anyway.

[jimpickles]

Well, if they need you more than you need them, and they STILL treat you horribly, it sounds that something is VERY wrong with their attitude - I'd suggest it's likely to be irretrievable - and that leaving would be the only option.

 

"Actually with my usual Pollyanna attitude, I know that my teacher means no personal harm, but maybe she doesn't like me as a person but sadly for her, I'm the only student with 100% attendance, I'm working insanely hard.."

 

Sounds like you're blaming yourself for being good and working hard!

 

Remember the "Protect joy!" post?

 

Jim.

 

PS: "First cab off the rank" - "The first to take advantage of an opportunity" - presumably from the days when taxis (or maybe horse-drawn cabs) had to compete for custom (I didn't realise it was a local colloquialism). But I'll learn youse!

[Reebs511]

They need you but do you NEED them? Are there other studios where you could add classes (even if you have to pay) but could feel better about your dancing? Sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself, even if that means denying someone else what they want.

 

And if you feel you really can't stop going to this studio, I really like Serendipity's advice:

 

What I've decided to do, for the upper class, is to just "go inside myself" if that makes any sense. No one else exists in that class except me. I know I'm unconsciously comparing myself to the others in terms of technical skill, and that's getting me down. I know I can turn singles and doubles cleanly, but it's not happening in THAT class. It happens in the other two. So for me, I need to "feel safe" psychologically.

 

I'm going to borrow this for myself, as I also feel much more confident at one studio than another (but not because the teachers is mean or it's competitive, it's just a harder level with more talented students.).

[dancepig]

What I've decided to do, for the upper class, is to just "go inside myself" if that makes any sense. No one else exists in that class except me. I know I'm unconsciously comparing myself to the others in terms of technical skill, and that's getting me down. I know I can turn singles and doubles cleanly, but it's not happening in THAT class. It happens in the other two. So for me, I need to "feel safe" psychologically.

This is good stuff There are always times (at least for me) where I am feeling less than confident, usually because I am comparing myself to other students. I think this will help me to stop comparing myself and to just focus on what I'm doing. I'll let the teacher do the comparing.

[skyish]

Thank you for your support, I actually spoke to my good teacher about this issue and she said "I cannot say "leave the other studio" it is your choice to make, however I just say that, if you will continue going there, at least do it in a way that wouldn't upset you because you lose your confidence there, you come here to take my class, and you look unhappy and insecure and tense, and I need to try extra hard to give you back your confidence. So it is a waste of time for both of us; during that time, instead of struggling with your hurt feelings, we could master some other thing" well she is right. It is a serious choice to make and whatever I do, I need to learn how to isolate my feelings.