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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Should I feel guilt?


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I don't know if this happens to anyone else but I know it happens to me.

There are these two girls at my studio who are both three years older then me, and when I get better parts then them or move up to a higher level or get into the company while they are still apprentices, they turn vicious. Its terrible. My mom works at the studio I attend and they tell me that I only get the parts I got because my mom works there, or because my parents bribed the teacher (which I know is not true).

I never know how to feel when it comes to things like this. I hate it when people talk about me behind my back. It just makes getting good roles so much less fun when I know I will have to deal with people like this.... any advice? :grinning:

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Welcome to Ballet Talk for Dancers, balletdancer72410. :grinning:


Unfortunatley, this kind of thing is not terribly unusual. That doesn't make it any easier to take, but, just know that it happens, and it happens because they are jealous, so, the problem is theirs, not yours. If they cannot recognize that you are doing well because of talent, ability, and work ethic, and not because of your parent, then they are probably either clueless, or just so jealous they are unable to recognize your ability. You will need to realize this, and recognize that it happens, that it is not your fault, and that they don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things. Do your work, do it well, enjoy it, and let them say what they will. As long as you know it is just sour grapes and has no validity, then ignore them. Most people will have the sense to realize that they are jealous. If you, however, let it bother you to the point of interfering with your dancing, then the problem becomes yours because you have LET it become yours. Don't do that! Hang in there, keep smiling and being really nice to everyone, even those who are difficult, and do your work. :unsure:


PS - And NO, you should not feel guilt at all, not as long as there is no truth in their thinking.

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You are most welcome! That is what we are here for. :)

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  • 1 month later...

balletdancer72410, I completely understand you! I'm so sorry that has happened to you, but it sounds like you are a pretty talented dancer and deserve these special parts. Don't feel bad, these other girls are just jealous. Some similar things happened to me. My mom just kept telling me, "kill them with kindness" It works surprisingly well. :)

Hope this helps (even though you already got your question answered)! I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! :o

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Sorry, gra2wish, but no parents on YD forums.

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Hi balletdancer72410!

I'm so sorry to hear this. This happens to many dancers, including me!

I get better roles than many people in our shows and people were just jealous of me right away. I was treated very badly just like you and they tried to make me believe things that I knew weren't true.


In ballet, it's pure jealousy and just know that it is going to happen. Whenever I get a role or move up a level, I always expect other dancers in my class to say something and I'm ready for it. Whatever they say just goes past me, I don't let it get to me. So just expect it. It's an unfortunate part in ballet. :thumbsup: Just continue to be nice to everyone, even those who treat you badly.


Whatever you do, don't let them ruin the great feeling you get when you get a new role. Don't worry about them. If they try to talk to you and say something like that, just reply, "No, it's because I worked hard for this role. It wasn't easy." Don't feel guilty at all. You know you are a great dancer and you (i'm guessing! :thumbsup: ) worked very hard.


Do your thing balletdancer72410 and don't let other dancers stop you!!! :thumbsup:

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  • 4 weeks later...

Certainly, ignoring jealousy is the best way to deal with it, and you should NOT feel guilty or consider quitting because of these girls. However, I have been in the position of being the one who is jealous (I am always careful to hide it and not let it effect my behavior), and it is awfully hard when a younger, more talented dancer comes along whom you have to begin competing with. That isn't any excuse for being nasty, but it's really terrible to be the one who is jealous. Being nice to these girls will go a long way toward making them less hostile towards you.

Edited by Arowea
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I had the same exact problem this past Nutcracker season! First let me tell you that I started ballet when I was 12 (I'm 17 now, but I hope its okay that I post here, I just turned 17) and I only started going to my current school 2 years ago. Also, my school is connected to a professional company and I am in the Junior Company of the school (kind of like the Trainee program, we get to do some corps roles for the company sometimes).


Anyways, I was given a very good role for Nutcracker that is rarely given to a non-company member and this one girl in my class was very upset because she thought that she deserved it because she had been at the school much longer than I have. She became very cold to me and we did a secret santa and OF COURSE the girl I've been talking about had me and I won't go into detail, but what she got me wasn't very nice.


The whole thing made it very hard for me to enjoy getting the part and it made me question whether I really deserved it, but I just remember that I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to dance and I can't let this girl bother me (she still is mean to me now) and niether can you!!!

(Sorry for that super long story LOL) :wink:

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Hi balletdancer72410! I think every dancer has had this problem! Sometimes I get the feeling that there will never be a nice ballet dancer, but then one or two people prove me wrong. There will always, always be jealousy, and as my mom says, "killing them with kindness" definitely works! They want you to fight back, and as long as you don't, they'll get bored and move on to another victim. Just let the thrill of doing that variation drive you forward, and not let the bias of those other dancers pull you back! :thumbsup:

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