How to know how much to give?

[socalgal3]

My dd is 13 and loves ballet. She would love to be a professional dancer, but has never been at the top of the class. To me, she's a beautiful, graceful dancer, but I can see that she doesn't have the attention to detail or musicality that the stronger dancers at her school seem to have. Even her own teacher said in front of the class that she couldn't believe my dd wanted to be a professional dancer, which broke her heart. I want to encourage her to pursue her dreams, but I also want to be realistic. Is there a place in the dance world for someone who may not make it to the very top, but loves to dance? We have two good schools in our area, but there are better schools that are a 45 minute drive away. If she were getting feedback that suggested a professional career might be possible, I would drive there in a heartbeat, but she's not. I encourage her to work hard and see where it takes her, but now I'm wondering where that might be. Will her chances be affected by our choosing not to go to the prepro school and having a more balanced life instead? Or should we just go for it and pour everything we have into her future?

[Momof3darlings]

Did someone speak to the teacher (your daughter or you) to ask why the teacher had that impression? It could be that there are personal reasons why the teacher feels that way (body, ability, etc) or it could be that the teacher simply doesn't see the work ethic (yet) from your daughter that is usually seen in someone who has decided to work toward a professional career. In order for any dancer to have a chance at a ballet career, they must attain the best possible training they can for their situation and circumstances so it's not so much that she has to be in a company affiliated school but that her training is at the pre-pro level and strong. We chose the route of balance, family and ballet with our children which certainly limited some things about their dance journey but we were willing to take those chances and possible consequences. Others may want a different path and that is perfectly fine for them, their situation and circumstances. Key though first, is in knowing if she has the potential. Hopefully a conversation with the teacher or studio owner can help you gather answers to those type questions.

[socalgal3]

We didn't talk directly about the comment made in class, but in the end of the year feedback session the teacher mentioned that my DD wasn't keeping up ability-wise and was recommending that she be moved to a different technique group. The teacher was for jazz, which my daughter no longer wants to pursue. She feels she's at a higher level in ballet, which is one of the reasons she wants to pursue a career in ballet. The ballet teachers have complemented her, but have not gone out of their way to suggest she pursue a career. The teachers have all commented positively about my dd's work ethic, so I don't think that's the issue. She works extremely hard and feels frustrated that she isn't in the top 1%. After seeing how hard she works, I honestly don't know if she has the ability to get into that top tier and feel clueless about how to support her. Thank you for your comments on balance. It's easy to get caught up in the whirl of dance and want to give my children every opportunity. I would love to see you reach her dreams, even if it's on a smaller scale at a small company.

[Momof3darlings]

Support her by first sitting down with the teachers and determining where they see her strengths and weaknesses and by sharing that she loves dance enough to want to (at this point and time) pursue it professionally. If you are really open to the answer which may be everything from: she needs to work harder to....these are her limitations which would keep her from her dream. Then you will then know if you have anything to support or not.

[socalgal3]

Thank you, Mom3. That's wonderful advice.

[Curandera]

Maybe you could ask the pre-pro school if they could evaluate her and see what they think.

 

My 13 yo dd is a come from behind kinda girl. She has accomplished a lot but she is not a natural. She wants to be a dancer. She works hard at it. Would you see her dance and predict she will work for a ballet company? No. But you can see she loves to dance.

 

And lucky for her, those are my two requirements for supporting her one hundred percent -- (1) does she work hard at it; and (2) does she love it. With those two requirements fulfilled, I am confident this is her path.

 

It may not be her destiny, there are no guarantees and the future is impossible to control. But this is the right path.

[pointeprovider]

In my DD's case, I could basically echo Curandera's post, above mine. From the time DD was 8, being a professional dancer was what she wanted to do. Teachers never complained about her work ethic in her dance classes; in fact, they praised it. But, she was not a "natural" in terms of flexibility, feet, body alignment, or turnout. When she expressed her desire to dance professionally, teachers were basically supportive but not over-the-top enthusiastic. As I have said on several other threads, she has never been a superstar at any program she has attended. She receives decent casting but not the best. Still, she has done well, considering. I took Curandera's approach: We support her as long as she is making steady upward progress and working hard. We remind her frequently that if this is her dream, she must constantly make progress to overcome her weaker areas. As long as work ethic is strong, progress can be made. She has done well during audition seasons, both for summer programs and for year-round. We sacrifice a lot, but we have allowed her to keep trying. I would say that if your DD's work ethic is good and teachers say that her weaker areas aren't unfixable, it might take her longer to reach her goal, but it is possible, and can be helped and hastened by procuring the best training in your area. Then, you won't have the "what-if's" later. Best wishes!

[vicarious]

Give as much as you can responsibly afford. Don't neglect health insurance, retirement, or college funds. Don't take on more debt than you can handle. As others tried to explain to me years ago this is not a financial investment. You will still need to support them for about four years after high school whether they go to college or accept a company contract.

 

I've been think a lot on the emphasis placed on attaining a professional career. I think too many dancers and parents, especially myself, get caught up in the destination and miss the journey. In almost all cases the extent of a career that students will have will be as students. They will probably perform more roles, appear before more audiences, be in more performances, have more stage time, and dance with more people while they are students than when that rare few becomes a professional. See and enjoy this part of the career, the student career.

[Doubleturn]

I always feel Robert Louis Stevenson's famous quote is very applicable to dance training.

 

"Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour." From Virginibus Puerisque, 1881.

 

Enjoy the journey!

[DegasDancer]

Is anybody else bothered by the fact that the teacher made the comment about her "not believing this girl wanted to be a pro. dancer" in front of the rest of the class? I would have been mortified to receive this negative of a comment at 13 and receive it in front of my classmates. I wonder if her daughter will ever forget about this inappropriate comment made in front of her peers. Yuck!

[vicarious]

inappropriate comment made in front of her peers

The comments given to my 17 yo in a professional company were proportionately greater. It takes thick skin to become a professional.

[vagansmom]

Doubleturn, thank you for that very lovely quote. We'd all benefit if we lived our lives that way.

 

Socalgal3, I would definitely sit down with the teacher who made that comment (I agree that it was cruel to say in front of everyone) to find out why she said it.

 

Thirteen is still such a tender age. Many 13-year-olds have little focus, even those who formerly were known for their attention spans. Hormonal fluctuations can really play havoc with a young teen's concentration. So, if that's the reason for the teacher's comments, then it's premature. Some of the "spazziest" kids I know develop a remarkable focus and work ethic as they mature. I work with that population daily and see it happen time and again.

 

But if the reason is because of certain physical limitations, then that is a different story. Perhaps you could get an evaluation at the school that's so much farther away? You could ask for an evaluation without even saying that you're considering their school (in which case they just might say everything's fine simply because they want the tuition - it's very common).

 

But truthfully, I probably wouldn't do that. If she were my daughter and loved her ballet classes, I'd probably want to get her the best training I could even while recognizing that she probably wouldn't ever become a professional ballet dancer. Most don't. So, as Vicarious said, don't put yourself in debt for it, but you never know where all the ballet training will lead your daughter. Right now, it's giving her great satisfaction. It's also an excellent physical activity as well as being topnotch for the brain, which translates into academic advantages (my field of work: dancers have a whole different way of approaching schoolwork).

 

But later, she might want to stay in an arts field, perhaps not as a dancer but in some other capacity. If you can afford it, let her decide for now. She's still mighty young and so much can change.

[Gracegirlz]

I always feel Robert Louis Stevenson's famous quote is very applicable to dance training.

 

"Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour." From Virginibus Puerisque, 1881.

 

Enjoy the journey!

 

Thank-you for this needed reminder! I just emailed this quote to my DD at her intensive. (She is listening to one of Stevenson's books at bedtime.) This is great encouragement for us all!

[lovemydancers]

Ditto everything pointprovider said.

 

One of my DDs (the one who dances with a company now) was a late bloomer in every sense - physically (uncoordinated at an early age and so tiny we thought she would never have a shot at a company), flat-footed, socially (very shy and fearful of just about everything when she was young), artistically (she is a technique perfectionist but danced like a robot). She never felt she was something special at the ballet studio. When she finally took a risk and stepped out of the box with her training at age 14, she made one set of transformations mostly with respect to her confidence. Still she had good but not lead casting, and her teachers were supportive but not over the moon.

 

Then at age 17, she was a paid trainee with a company and simultaneously underwent another set of transformations with respect to her artistry, intellect, outlook on life and a late growth spurt. She shot up to 5'5" between ages 17-19, and is now, at 19, an engaging dancer to watch.

 

I agree with those who suggest visiting the other schools. We never dreamed the change in training my daughter made would have such a profound effect on her outlook - you just don't know until you try. My DD was also one who knew at a very young age that all she wanted to do was dance. At 13, you have lots of time to let your DD sort things out for herself. The first sentence of your post says it all - she loves it. I have always told my kiddos "if it stops being fun, we're done". Your DD will find many benefits of ballet training beyond technique and roles.

 

I won't say you are worrying needlessly, but I will say you are not armed with all the information you need. And frankly, I would look for a way to get away from a teacher who would make such a wreckless, irresponsible comment to a child.

[WriteLife]

I would agree with looking into other schools. have her try a class at the schools 45 minutes away and see what she thinks. She may find them to be very challenging and she may get feedback from the teacher that will give you a little more to go on. Sitting down with your daughter's teacher's is also a good thing, you need to know why they want her to switch to jazz.

 

My daughter was at a studio where she never got a lot of feedback. The teacher's loved her work ethic and said she was energetic nd taolented but she never got the rave reviews I would hear the teachers and studio owner give the parents of other girls. DD had good casting but her technique was getting worse because she didn't get a lot of corrections. I don't know much about balklet but I did notice that the girls getting the raves were all very tall and very, very thin.

 

So at 12 dd auditioned for summer intensives. She ended up getting into her dream intensive. The studio owners seemed shocked. She went, discovered things she hadn't known. Forexample, she has perfect turnout but her muscles hadn't been trained properly so she could never hold it. She had pretty feet but because she never got good advice on pointe shoes,, she was in the wrong kind. Things like that. Two years ago we sent her to a different school with some very good teachers. They got her back on track. She's a beautiful dancer now and much more confident.

 

So you never know what will happen until you talk to teachers and start looking for the best situation for your child.