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Coping With Guilt!!!


napnap

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This weekend my daughter is dancing in the final performance at Kaatsbaan. She is featured in a piece by Margo Sappington and is dancing in a Tarantella variation. I cannot make it to watch due to my job and family commitments. I haven't watched her dance since December. I am feeling soooo guilty. Is life too short? Should I just go and watch and risk my job and pay for my entire family to fly to NY?? I am so torn....help! Is this common in parents? Will I ever have a chance to see her dance again??? Argh. Advice and therapy needed .....

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I wouldn't suggest that you put your job on the line (one needs to pay for those dance lessons, after all) - but I DO feel your pain as do others here I am sure.

 

It's always hard when a kiddo is away from home dancing, and sadly we can't always be there.

 

I'm sure there will be lots of other times! Hang in there!

 

 

mom2

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Napnap, I'll be there and watch her for you! PM me and tell me what she looks like. Do you want me to text you during the show?

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Awww, so sorry you're going to miss your dd dancing. Video is probably not allowed, huh??

I wish they would video in cases like this. :(

 

Hang in there. I'm sure you'll have other opportunities to see her dance ((((hugs)))

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napnap

 

Last year when DD was at Kaatsbaan, a professional video was available for purchase. The quality was quite good. Hopefully they have one available this year and you would be able to see the show.

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Same situation different program. If you wait long enough it will end up on you tube. I did throughly enjoy watching my DD with her. She was able to tell me what it was like and about all her friends. Hang in there and know there is a good support here in this board!

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THANKS EVERYONE!!!!! I feel better able to cope, now knowing there will be a DVD for sale and my own personal BTFD friend there to watch! I am not getting my Mom of the Year award for this.... I appreciate this Board for the many, many positives it brings to parents. There are so many challenges to raising a child, especially a dancer!!!!

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I didn't know Kaatsbaan offered SI for under 13s! That must be an amazing experience. I know what you mean about the guilt. I feel guilty when I don't go to evey performance of one show., and my dd is only starting her third year! One can't go to every performance! SI performances must be even trickier, esp if kids go far from home.

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Oh for Heaven's sake- there are plenty of things for mothers to feel guilty about. Not this one. I'm not going to let you! You paid for her to go- that's more than enough.

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Whenever I missed performances - usually additional shows of one ballet - I always explained to my DD that it was because of other family/community committments. I wanted her to be aware that while I loved her above all else, she was not the only being in the world. I think this helped her maintain a good sense of her place in the world; and kept her from feeling life was all about her. I felt this was essential in the ballet world since so much time and energy IS devoted just to the dancer and everyone else makes so many sacrifices.

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Oh that is so hard! I work full time and in fact am in the office right now trying to clear my desk before we leave for a week's vacation. I hope you can obtain a recording and watch it with your daughter.

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I agree with Clara76, no need to feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with us, as parents, giving our children real life expectations & rewards along with real life struggles and limitations. I see you raising a healthy adult who understands that sometimes there are sacrifices to get what we want and that doesn't negate how wonderful the experience is. It's also okay for her to be a little sad that you couldn't be there. Being sad would be normal. But the gift you've given her is the ability to attend in a manner that works for your real life. She has some choice there that is good life lesson. If it bothered her that much or you, then next summer you can choose a less expensive SI closer to home in trade for seeing her perform at the end. Yep, good life lessons not guilt.

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  • 4 weeks later...

napnap, I hope it went beautifully and you had/will have the opportunity to watch it side by side with her on DVD :P As a single working parent (who sometimes feels that my pay should be directed straight to the ballet school) I can very much sympathise with you but agree with Clara - you mustn't feel guilty about not being able to see every performance. You will share many wonderful moments with your DD in dance and in life, and this is simply one that you will share in a different way. All the best to you and your family.

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Thanks to everyone for all of your kind words and support. We (I) survived; I was fortunate to have a BTFD friend text me during the performance and give me an update. I so look forward to receiving the DVD and watching it with her. I hear it was beautiful!!!

 

Meanwhile she is away at her first residency program. I could not take her and set up her dorm because my son was having oral surgery before leaving for Marines boot camp! Again....the guilt. However, I feel she and I have become much stronger in our relationship in spite of my absences. Thank you again to my friends in this forum for giving me a much needed reality check!

 

I still keep her bedroom door shut, because I cannot stand the physical and emotional emptiness of her absence.

Raising a dancer is difficult in so many ways!!!!

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