Roseweave Posted April 30, 2013 Report Share Posted April 30, 2013 Apologies if this belongs in the other forum as it may be more of a moral support thing, but there are some questions within. It gets quite personal but I don't mind if others don't.Lately, I've been thinking about dancing and have been focusing primarily on Ballet. I have a number of reasons why I've been drawn to Ballet that are hard to describe, but partly it's because so elegant and graceful and I tend to feel anything but. Plus, Ballet classes would really help my posture, and I want to try myself by doing something hard as I tend to slight away from doing so.My situation is unusual mostly because of the fact that I am male to female transgendered, and have only just started hormones. I love watching the male role in ballet, but am not interested in it myself(or should it be expected of me I Would be) nor would I likely have the capability due to having female musculature amongst other things. At the moment, however, I am stuck with mostly male musculature that will take a while to reach a female level of flexibility. I am 27, and I would have loved if my issues could have been spotted before puberty before my hips fused etc. but there is nothing I can do about this.Coming to terms with being trans, and coming to terms with what would be seen as quite a traditionally feminine thing such as wanting to be a ballerina are very different things. There are very few resources out there and the one page I found was pretty bad and seemed to include men crossdressing as balerinas for more fetishistic reasons, which was offputting for me. I have avoided overly feminine things out of embarrassment(I'm rather large with broad shoulders so it's not always a great fit), trying to be "One of the guys" despite identifying as female, not rocking the boat too far, not simply trading one gender role to another.Lately I've come more to terms with balancing this these, it's not that I need to do feminine things to be female(the feminist in me would lynch me over this), but that it would reaffirm my identity as a feminine transwoman, which is particularly difficult to uphold. I hope this is understood, and I would appreciate that while whether or not they can become a dancer is sensitive for most girls regardless, it is so in a slightly different manner for myself, as I'm looking not only to dance but for a means to express my femininity.Reading this forum and other things, I Feel very intimidated. My problem is that while I never expect to be a professional ballet, nor does that whole world interest me that much due to it's hyper-competitiveness(and the fact that I sort of like my feet not to have chronic pain issues, but honestly I'm willing to put up with messing myself up a bit for a good cause), I don't want just to take Ballet classes and make nothing of it either.I'm a musician and I'm interested in the general idea of performance. What I'd like to get out of Ballet, or dance in general would be to maybe have some sort of Indie artists troupe. A lot of people compared Ballet to being a classically trained musician, in that it takes years and years of work to get to a high level. But you also get those who are able to master more basic techniques, put them to good use, and still be regarded as good musicians. I like to think of myself as making good music even though I am far from a virtuoso, I can create tracks that "Impress" people on some level, leave an impression. I suppose I am basically wondering; realistically taking a ballet class once a week for a couple of years, would I actually be able to "dance"? Perhaps not even a case of doing ballet proper, but if I wanted to do some sort of general performance art thing, or maybe even show off a bit at a ballroom dance, could I do it? It seems like 90% of the emphasis on ballet is going en pointe and doing stretches which may be physically impossible for me and this takes years and a level of training I might not be able to afford. I also find it very hard to work hard, if that makes any sense, due to rather sever ADHD amongst other things. I am really very serious about trying ballet despite this, as long as I can get something out of it I can enjoy.If money was no object, honestly, I'd probably throw myself at it fully, doing several classes a week, doing other forms of dance, taking singing lessons etc. and become an amazing performer but realistically that's not going to happen. I would like to at least get to the stage where I can go on Pointe, but I'll be in my 30s by then and while I'm aware it's never too late, it does drive home how much of my youth I missed and limits the amount of time I'll actually be able to make use of those skills. Not to mention my enormous feet with probably mean custom shoes. This could get costly.The seeming binary between "professional" and "doing it for a laugh" is frustrating me, because I still want to have something to show for my efforts. I'm considering doing it anyway just to help with posture and flexibility, but if I'm spending money and putting time and effort into it I want to be able to say "I can dance Ballet" at the end of it.I suppose in general, I want to dance, and I'm drawn to many things about ballet. If only there was some sort of alternate style that suited my needs better. What sort of styles of dance could I learn alongside it to compliment it? I've been thinking of doing some form of modern dance, maybe even hip hop dance, something that gives a bit of a contrast. But at the heart of it, I really do just want to be a ballerina(in the modern looser sense of course), if not a very traditional one. Being able to dance as a female ballet dancer would be really reaffirming for me and my lack of confidence in my gender. I don't expect everyone to understand my position, and I realise despite my unusual case I have drifted a bit too close to some of the annoying questions that get asked too much, but I'm coming from quite a different perspective.I would appreciate comments from people who know a bit about physiology etc. and tell me if it's realistic that I can actually ever perform anything resembling Ballet, or I'll better off just doing a few beginner lessons to improve my posture and do some other form of dance. Hearing that it takes 8+ years to train a ballerina makes me wonder if it's really worth doing even if you do not intend to do it professionally. I want people to be realistic, but I'm also worried some people exaggerate to scare off newcomers. Sorry if this post is a mess, I'm just trying to collect my train of thought at the moment. I was really set on trying Ballet but when the reality set in that it can be far too difficult even if you do not intend to be a professional, it was quite depressing. Quote Link to comment
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