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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Rejections and Frustration


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Actually knowing what the reasons were would be more helpful, then we could fix if broken or ignore if it is too subjective. This way is too squishy.

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  • AJWMom


  • firedragon0800


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GTLS Designs

Firedragon, if your daughter continues with ballet, into a career, there will not always be reasons given:

Casting will go up - your daughter may/may not get a big role.

Contracts for next season will be handed out - your daughter may/may not get a contract.

Raises are given - your daughter may/may not get a raise.


Sure... at the time your daughter can go to the Artistic Direction and ask "why?" Understand that the Artistic Direction is not obligated to explain their reasoning. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make is fair, and it doesn't always make for the best working environment. However it is how this business works.


The best thing to do is move forward in a positive manner. You cannot change the past, but you do have control over the future. Try to brush this off as nothing to do with your daughter... and everything to do with the Artistic Direction. For whatever reason (things that are out of your control) the Artistic Direction has decided that they wanted to go a different way and your daughter was not part of that vision. This isn't a bad thing... whenever a door closes a window opens.

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I will just say this. . . Yes, it is show business and yes decisions are indeed made based on things other than dance, we are facing that right now. But my experience with ballet is that the decision making in many ways could not possibly be based on performance skills or quality because there is almost no opportunity to perform in these bigger schools, save being a super on stage. They really couldn't know how you perform on stage because they don't ask you to do it. Or they ask you the LAST year you are at the school (after having forbidden you from doing any comps) and expect you to have performing skills. Kids get those skills by performing. So the recipe is a bit off if you ask me, if you are talking about making money and show business. This is of course why YAGP and other comps exist, students can really show what they are capable of that would never be seen in a crowded SI class or cattle call audition or through years of advancing in the 'levels" of the school.

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I agree with GTLS.

(of course I think that things could often be handled differently ... but no one asks ME)


And it is so true: you have no power over what has happened; your only power is over what you think about it - and that will affect what you feel about it, and THAT will have an influence on your future. :)



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So wise, Diane! :clapping:

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Idk, the problem I see with a 13-14 year old in this situation is that they are still student's, and as such when you lose you get introspective and see bogeymen everywhere and question everything even the things you do well. Instead of getting helpful instruction as to how to improve and a way forward you get fear, uncertainty and doubt, FUD.


Granted this was a program where you are expected to exhibit a stoic professional demeanor, they of course ask for a great deal of commitment, to that end I think an institution nearing 100 years old would have developed a better more constructive way to manage exits better.

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As GTLS offered, the sooner one learns to believe in herself and garner inner strength rather than live for external approval or validation, the stronger she'll be. I don't think 13-14 is too early to start striving for this perspective.


Honestly, there probably isn't an answer that would satisfy either of you. The best way to go forward is to say 'The hell with them! They don't have a clue what they missed.' Either show them by continuing to work toward one's goals or don't, but no need to give them so much power over one's self-view. That serves no useful purpose.

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world. There is still going to be someone who hates peaches.

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world. There is still going to be someone who hates peaches.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! :wub::wub::wub:


Don't forget, we sometimes just get what we asked for. Not literally of course. And not that anyone asked for this in regards to their young child. But, it appears she was in a program where selection out was possible..............so selection out was possible. One can hope it would be "the other child", but the reality is sometimes it's our own. I'm with dancemaven! The quicker you both can gain that "they don't know what they are missing" attitude, the quicker you can move on and accept the wonderful options available in front of you with more of an education and bits of wisdom in your pocket. And Monet pretty much summed it up and tied a bow on it!

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I agree with everyone else and I, too, love Monet's statement.


firedragon, just remember that this is one school that decided to go a different direction. One school. It is not the only school in the world, nor is it the best for everyone. It isn't even the style that everyone likes. For some it is, for others, it isn't. We personally know of students that were given free rides to attend the same school and these dancers turned the offers down because they did not like this particular school nor the atmosphere there. There is a place for everyone. Just because this particular school did not want to have your daughter to stay, doesn't necessarily mean other schools will feel the same way. It doesn't mean she is a bad dancer or there is something wrong with her that needs fixing. She just needs to find the place for her.

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So grateful for everyone's perspective and contribution! Monet, what a great phrase! Twelthnight, momofthreedarlings, dancermaven et al thank you for the insights that means a lot considering now all the things up in the air, so to speak.


I know there are many paths to Rome, we'll just have to adapt, overcome and keep moving forward.

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  • 1 year later...


I just read the entire forum topic from top to bottom. It's Nutcracker season again and I was desperate to help my 13 yo DD cope with a rejection for a part she wanted. This forum helped answer the question of how to cope when the rejection was related to politics, not skill deficit. This forum topic has helped so much and more!!!! Thank you all (teary with appreciation)

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