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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Ignore issue and let dd handle or jump in?


firedragon0800

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Tarantella2000

Opinions seem to differ and that is quite alright (that's why I love BT4D as a varied resource :yes: on all different kinds of matters). I do though still believe these (continued) incidents, as it was not a one time slip/prank/bad behavior, should be categorized as bullying, cyber bullying for that matter.

 

For further reference I checked wikis site (and our schools code of conduct) about it. I am not sure how your schools in general approach these matters, ours does have a Zero Tolerance policy in place and will even go after those who have knowledge, if they do not come forward. Our (public) school conducts yearly workshops and lectures on bullying. Therefore I do think these kids should have know that's what they were doing was not ok.

 

I agree with Momof3 on the aspect that it could backfire, that the school could make it look like your kid was at fault (even though she was not) and for being a tattle teller.

 

Since you mentioned though that your ballet school has gone through this issue last year and took it very seriously, I would have faith, they will react the same way again and know how to act upon your situation (with proof) accordingly.

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SnowWhite

Personally, if these other dancers actually went into my DD's dance bag or locker to get her personal phone, I would definitely report it to administration. This sort of behavior crosses a line into theft and most studios would not tolerate such behavior from their dancers. Hopefully, action would be taken; a strong group chat from the AD, a general email to parents, etc... Also, reporting will document this behavior for future reference should any other problems arise.

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Regardless of the poster’s daughter’s actions (or inactions in securing her personal belongings), “stealing a password” and using it to login into another’s online account is a clear sign of violating private boundaries. Having the knowledge and opportunity to do so does not make an action “right”.

Given that there has already been as established bullying environment enough for the studio to enact a strict policy, then I’d report it to the studio director. I believe a director who is aiming to create a learning environment where dancers respect one another will want to know and take steps to address incidents like this.

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Lady Elle

I also consider this cyber bullying - and theft. The girls involved - or even any and all of the girls at the studio need to be sat down and talked to seriously. They're just being immature silly girls who don't know what they're doing BUT they should understand the weight of their bad decisions. its theft - its bullying. its bullying to a point that some young kids are harming themselves over.

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I am a parent of two teens who have faced similar situations - one (DD) as victim and the other as victim on multiple occasions and perpetrator on one (hacked into the school computer system).

I would go to the administrators of the school and give them the opportunity to handle it, though if the school didn't want to be involved, I'd take things further on my own. Ideally, this would be in the form of a stern lecture to the perpetrator(s), a call to the parents, a meeting with all the parents of the students involved and administration, and some sort of disciplinary action at the studio, along with a warning that if it ever happened again, expulsion is on the table. I would not get the police involved. Speaking from experience, once the police are called in on a computer-based crime, it becomes ugly and there may be permanent repercussions if charges are filed. In my teen's case, the police and school administrators ultimately concluded it was extraordinarily poor judgement on his part and they gently recommended to the parents of the victim that charges not be filed. This was after I had to retain a criminal defense attorney. I was reasonably satisfied with the school's punishment - pretty much what I recommended above, including needing to formally apologize to everyone affected - and then added my own consequences for the behavior. My son was very lucky that he does not have a criminal record for doing something so stupid.

I would assume that the parents of these teens would want to know what their children are up to - I know I did, as horrible as it was. Granted, some parents believe their special snowflakes can do no wrong, but after being around kids for a long time, I'm of the opinion that any child is capable of anything (good and bad). Also, this happens far more often that we would like to think. The officer assigned to my son's case likened it to the nonsense teens have always done, except instead of passing notes, it's digital, with a permanent footprint. It doesn't make it any less cruel or bullying or unacceptable, but it might help to put things in perspective. It absolutely needs to be addressed, though. This is not for a teen to handle alone and the perpetrators need to understand that what they have done is very, very wrong.

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Personally, I would not be so quick as to call this bullying. For some reason, the term "bullying" has become interchangeable for everything a child does wrong to another child by some. There really is a difference between what is "bullying" and what is a just misbehavior by a child. In this case, there does not seem to be a misuse of power. This sounds more like child misbehavior to me than bullying. I do believe they are different. Remember, "it takes a village", so no matter how you choose to handle it. As long as you think of bettering your own child's internet safety and bettering the other children's use of the internet then you are not wrong. No matter how the others take it. :)

 

I read something somewhere that parents need to differentiate between "rude," "Mean," and "Bullying." I would classify this as mean. But it is also criminal. Regardless of the simplicity of your daughter's passwords, these girls did break into her private accounts.

 

I would go to the parents. Even though a prior poster said they don't think parents of spoiled girls will care or do anything to make a difference, I think it is civil and correct to notify the guardians of a minor's misbehavior prior to notifying any authorities.

 

Step one is the parents, if the behavior continues, then the school authorities.

 

As a parent I would like the chance to make sure my pre-teen understood the legal repercussions of what she had done.

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amsunshine

I dunno. I think a lot of people are reluctant to label something as bullying for some reason. Not sure why. There are different types of bullying -- physical bullying, verbal bullying, social/relational bullying and cyber bullying. Maybe there are other types, but those are the ones that come to my mind. These incidents, to me, fall under both the social/relational bullying and cyber bullying categories. The incidents were apparently intended to harass/humiliate the OP's dd (social/relational aggression) over social media (cyber aggression). Apparently, it had the effect intended, because the girl lost followers on IG. Then, the behavior was repeated/escalated.

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Momof3darlings

I believe whether you feel it's bullying or not, it is important to flip the script so to speak. So, if your child was the one who "sent goofy pictures out of themselves" out on someone's account what would you hope another parent would do to help rectify this situation? Then proceed accordingly. Do not proceed in a manner against another you would not agree with in reverse.

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I believe whether you feel it's bullying or not, it is important to flip the script so to speak. So, if your child was the one who "sent goofy pictures out of themselves" out on someone's account what would you hope another parent would do to help rectify this situation? Then proceed accordingly. Do not proceed in a manner against another you would not agree with in reverse.

 

These are very wise words. I would start with the assumption that the other parents would be horrified and disappointed by their child's behavior and allow them the chance to work towards rectifying the situation.

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amsunshine

 

These are very wise words. I would start with the assumption that the other parents would be horrified and disappointed by their child's behavior and allow them the chance to work towards rectifying the situation.

It's good to hear that there are others out there who feel the same way I do. I would always want to know first if my child was misbehaving.

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firedragon0800

I called the school yesterday and described the situation to the artistic director, the deal with dd was that I wouldn't name names, but I would describe the situation as it happened with the intent to educate and prevent this from happening to some other dk's. They asked for names and I refused. They admitted that many of the older students have been "educated" about the do's and don'ts of Instagram presenting themselves and the school in a good light, but not the younger dk's, and acknowledged that it was probably a good idea to do it for the younger dk's. I was happy how dd handled it on her own.

 

Now for the bitter end to the sweet outcome. Not sure what to make of this, but dk was called today and informed that she would not be asked back next year. Needless to say this was a huge shock and quite unexpected, and was told this was independent of my bringing this other episode to their attention, but timing is really... Well it is what it is I suppose. After the conclusion of 7 years, you know this could always be the outcome, but you don't really think about. So after I picked up the pieces of my daughter off the floor, I am I guess left to wonder if I did the right thing.

 

I never really want to see my daughter as crushed as she was today, and I am too. If you knew even half the story of what dd went through the last few years to dance you would probably would say it was a wonder she made it this far. This is a really terrible outcome.

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daisychain

I'm so sorry, firedragon. I can imagine that both of you are feeling devastated. I hope you are able to find another stellar school where she will thrive.

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iceberg*lover

I am so sorry as well firedragon. I have lots to say and commiserate about your situation, but I suspect at this point for you it would just be words. She will be a stronger person ultimately. I speak from experience. Hugs.

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I, too, am very sorry for your daughter, firedragon.

 

Most probably it really has nothing to do with this "situation", but of course you will never know.

As you say, it is the way it is.

 

I also think that there are certainly other - possibly even better - ways and roads for her to realise her dream.

 

Hang in there.

 

-d-

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firedragon, I am so sorry to hear this news. I can only imagine how your daughter (and you) feel!

 

I also hope that the two issues are not connected - and I hope for your daughter that she finds a new dance home that can nourish and support her.

 

Take care!!

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