Jump to content
Ballet Talk for Dancers

Is your boy dancer friends with the girls in his studio?


Guest jesse1612

Recommended Posts

Guest jesse1612

Naturally, most of the girls my son's age (11) prefer the company of other girls. He doesn't complain, but still... There is only one other boy in the studio. Wish there were more! Anyone else have problems along these lines?

Edited by jesse1612
Link to post

Yes. It is very difficult for him. There is one other boy, and DS is friends with him, but it can get very lonely at times. When the novelty of him being there wore off, DS went into a state of depression. It is better now, but still difficult. He tries hard, maybe too hard sometimes, but I think he is starting to accept the way things are. I just try to remind him not to let the social aspect of it affect his dancing.

Link to post

My older boys had female friends in their classes at their old studio. At the new studio they don't which is hard. My twins have girls they are friendly with, not friends. Some of the other boys at the studio have more in common with the girls and are friends with them. As teens it's kind of a weird dynamic. It's either you are giggly friends or boyfriend/girlfriend material. My guys aren't the giggly type and they have girls they want to date at school.

 

I kept hoping my oldest would get a ballet girlfriend because at least she would understand the hours. His old GF did not at all!

 

I do think lack of boys in ballet studios may be one reason some boys don't stick with it. Although we have a lot of boys at our studio my sons do not have much in common with them. Those boys do hang out with the girls as they have similar interests.

Link to post

How long has he been at this studio? My son was the only boy in his level at his old studio and the only boy anywhere around his age that took ballet seriously enough that he was at the studio pretty much every day. So he was friends with all the girls at the studio but he was especially close with the girls in his level as they had been dancing together for several years. We have now relocated to another state so he could train at a studio with lots of male ballet dancers and he still stays in touch with his friends from his old studio. The only time he felt left out was when they would have parties, sleep overs, etc. We moved when he was 12 so the kids weren't quite old enough to be doing parties that were "boy/girl" parties and obviously he couldn't go to their slumber parties. I know the older boy at the studio who was 15 was always getting invited to parties that the girls in his level were having but they were doing things that were "boy/girlish" going out to dinner, movies, etc. So it was hard because it felt like he was being purposely left out even though he knew he wasn't. Now that we are at the studio with all the guys it is actually taking my son some time to get used to being friends with guys. He was bullied in school for being a ballet dancer so he never had any friends at school and all his best friends have been girls simply because there haven't been any guys around. Now that he is only around guys for the most part he is having to learn how to interact with them - that was something that we didn't anticipate.

 

Sometimes I think it can take the girls a bit longer to "warm up" to a boy. We were pretty lucky - our old studio was very welcoming and the kids were all very friendly and wanted all the new kids to feel they belonged from day one. Sometimes I think the guys have to make an extra effort to let the girls know they WANT to be their friends and WANT to be included in their conversations. I think sometimes the girls maybe assume the boys don't want to hang out with them. My son used to just stand around with the girls in his level and comment on the things they were saying - I guess he just kind of made himself part of the group! I don't really know how it happened I guess. A lot of the girls in his level were a year or two older than he is and several of them call him "Little Bro" it was kind of his nickname at the studio and it has stuck through the years (now that he is 13 I'm not sure how happy he his about that!). I think maybe once he started doing more partnering work with them was when he got especially close with them?? I know on breaks they used to always ask him to go into a studio and partner them. And as he started to get pretty good they started to have more respect for him as a dancer - I think that helped too. But in general, luckily, he was always accepted as a friend.

 

I hope it gets better for your son. There's nothing worse than feeling lonely in the studio.

Link to post

I asked 16 DS this question: how has he made friends with the girls at the various studios he has attended? His comments are first of all, dont think of them as Girls. He said if you can get past that idea, then you make friends in whatever way you do at school. DS has always been friends withthe girls at his studios by making them laugh (good advice for all men IMO!) but not being class clown. He says to look for at least one girl who isnt only interested "in wearing pink" (his words) and is perhaps more of a tom boy. His experience is that there is always one girl who is looking for a change from "pink". DS says that if you can find one to chat and have fun with, others will follow. His other observation is that while he has always been with other guys at studios they didnt become his particular friends. They 'hung out' at the studio mainly because their timetables were similiar but it was girls he counted as his friends. Personally

I am extremely pleased he is getting so much experience with being friends with females. I think this will be a huge advantage to him in the future no matter what he does.

Link to post

DS is friends with a number of the girls at his studio. Initially it was just the girls he did parts with such as his Nutcracker sisters. Over the last 5 years however, he has developed a whole posse of his own and hangs out during breaks, texts back and forth from home etc. Just give it time.

Link to post

Chel - I love how you say your son has his own "posse", at our old studio we used to say that each of the boys had his own "harem" - the older boy had all the girls in the upper levels and my son had all the girls in the intermediate levels. It sounds sexist but it was actually a term of endearment that all the parents, including the parents of the girls, used since each boy was always sounded by "his" girls!!

 

And people wonder why guys become ballet dancers . . .

Link to post

I thought I'd jump in here. Our DS looks for female dancers who "dance smart" as friends. He looks for friends who share the interest and passion for ballet regardless of gender or age. I don't think he ever had a harem or posse when he was younger. :)

Link to post

We travel 45 minutes to my ds's dance studio, and so my son's school friends and dance friends are entirely separate groups. He is the only boy his age at the studio and, after six years, does call the girls his friends. But he's not really in their social circle as much as one might expect after all of these years. He has such great friends at school, however, that I would never think to call him lonely.

Link to post

Our soon to be 14 year old son almost exclusively hangs out with girls - both at school and at his studio. He isn't a "boys boy" (doesn't play football or baseball) and has been bullied at school. It does make it hard for him because he doesn't usually hang out with them outside of school or the studio - although he doesn't seem to care that much since he is dancing most of the time.

 

There is one boy close to his age at his studio (he is more a Broadway dancer) whom he sometimes hangs with (e.g. if his mom is out of town). I think he would have more boy friends if he went to our local School of the Arts - which he may do next year, if he doesn't go away for a residential pre-pro.

 

I sometimes feel badly for him since his sisters (all around the same age as he is) have a much more active social life. His tomboy sister has the same issue, though - she prefers to hang out with boys. I always say that their hormones got switched in utereo (they are triplets).

 

When my son was part of a boy's gymnastics team he was much more social with boys. He did things outside of the gym....I do wish that our son was around more boys - that's why we are prioritizing SI with lots of boys.

Link to post

My son is the only boy at his studio. He is still friends with the boys of his previous rec studio but never gets to see them due to his schedule. When we first moved to his studio, there were 3 other boys. One took off for broadway, one took off for high school dance team and show choir, and one absolutely consumed with jealous, he treated my son like a leper and tried to get all of the girls to do the same. Needless to say it was the best day ever when we found out the remaining boy had changed studios for more of a competition type studio. He's 16, very mature for his age, super quiet, and reserved/shy around people. Younger kids, especially giggly teen and pre-teen girls who talk constantly get on his nerves really bad. He really isn't friends with any of the girls at his studio because he considers them annoying little sisters. They all like him and look up to him, the feeling just isn't reciprocated. He does have friends who are girls from other studios in town and guys at work he is friends with, but there is really only one or two of those he likes to hang out with outside of dance or work. He's so busy, there just isn't time He absolutely loves to go away to SI so he can be around older guys who are as serious about dance as he is. This is both a good because the older guys know how to be great friends. It is also a bad thing because the older guys tend to forget he's not as old as they think he is. He is still in contact with a few boys he met back at his very first SI. He makes friends at every studio he floats to for various performances - he's that kind of quiet person people are drawn to. He just doesn't make many super close friends. He always manages to get himself a "girlfriend" at the SI he goes off to - summer love I guess. Unfortunately, or fortunately from my perspective, they live in other states so the likelihood of him ever seeing them again is pretty slim. As a non-dancer looking in, I think being a dancer, who is super serious, is a lonely life regardless of gender. Your non-dancer friends don't understand why you are always busy. Dancer friends are hard because, unfortunately, everything gets turned into a competition at some point.

Link to post
pasdedeuxmama

Thyme, thank you for that advice from your son. I plan on sharing that with my DS! He takes classes at two studios. At one, there is really only one other boy close to his age in class and they are buddies. The girls are all a lot younger than him and one or two are googly eyed, but they don't really talk to him. At his other studio, he's more in his age group with the girls, and there are a ton of boys of a wide range of ages. He is mainly friends with the boys, but not really good friends with any of them because of the age disparity. The girls either tend to ignore him, get all giggly, or do that whole stare/nudge/whisper thing with their friends (he's a cute little thing, if I do say so myself, but completely blissfully and totally ignorant of the whole situation). I think he wishes the girls were more friendly with him, but he's never been very good at being the first one to start friendships.

Link to post
Guest jesse1612

I agree with the poster(s) who mentioned the possibility of boy-friendly Summer Intensives. We will probably go that route. As for the rest of the year, it is what it is. My son loves to dance and I really can't imagine him being happy in something like football or basketball. Hopefully the girl dancers will warm up to him someday.

Link to post

Chel - I love how you say your son has his own "posse", at our old studio we used to say that each of the boys had his own "harem" - the older boy had all the girls in the upper levels and my son had all the girls in the intermediate levels. It sounds sexist but it was actually a term of endearment that all the parents, including the parents of the girls, used since each boy was always sounded by "his" girls!!

And people wonder why guys become ballet dancers . . .

Love this! My DS has been dancing at the same studio for the last 10 years. When he first started out, he was known as my DD's "little brother". Even when he was little, he didn't care if his friends were boys or girls. He met his best friend at dance, but now his best friend dances at another studio. He is now 14 and totally grown into his own person. There are two other boys his age and in the same level. They are friends, but not buddies. He hangs out mostly with the girls. He talks, texts, and hangs out with all the girls and it is actually nice to see. He even has his first girlfriend at dance. I've actually worried that because he is friends with so many girls, that would be an issue for her. But they've all known each other for so many years, I don't think that'll be much of a problem. i think it will only benefit him as he gets older. He won't be afraid to speak to the pretty girls, and will know how to treat them! Especially, if he continues to dance.

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...