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Ballet Talk for Dancers
Dave62

Spousal approval or dissapproval.

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silvergreydancer

Dave 62

 

I'm 63. I've taken class for about 10 years. I had taken a small number of classes, less than a dozen, in my 20's in college. No, she didn't know about the previous classes. Her reaction was "What are you gay now!" I just said it was something I'd always wanted to try and I didn't need her permission.

 

As I said before," If you must sacrifice your happiness for hers, then there is something wrong!"

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Kini

Her reaction was "What are you gay now!" I just said it was something I'd always wanted to try and I didn't need her permission.

 

Why is that the immediate assumption? Just pi$$e$ me off to no end that people, even loved ones jump to that conclusion. Whats even worse is when trolls use it on message boards.

 

And people wonder why young men can't be kept in ballet classes, its tough when they have to fight that assumed stereo type right at the start.

 

(Getting off of my soap box now)

 

Apologies Silvergreydancer this rant isn't directed at you.

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dansair

Dave62,

 

Actually, I did no suggest you to quit ballet. I was interested in what would your wife think about pilates vs ballet. Any difference between the two?

Also, I do not quite follow that "feminine side" thing. Are you saying that ballet is feminine? That does not make any sense to me.

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MJ

Dave62, has your Spouse given up anything? Something she really enjoys?

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adultdancervienna

A year ago I thought me to learn ballet . I looked at me where I can attend a course . The biggest problem was how I explain it to my wife . This summer , I finally made ​​the decision to begin with . I chose a 4 -week workshop . Every Tuesday learn ballet for one hour. I told my wife what I intend . I was really nervous because I did not know what she will say . She was amazed and I told her that I want to try ballet . For my wife , it was fine , sometimes she makes small jokes about it . In autumn I will begin a course for beginners .

As for clothing , she asks me what to wear . When ballet I wear a t-shirt , leggings and ballet shoes . For my wife that's fine.

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Dave62

Hello everyone,

 

Thanks for all your thoughts and comments. I going to back off the ballet class push until next fall, and then bring up the subject again. I figured at this time in our relationship, (of which we need to work on), it would better to keep the peace rather than cause turmoil. I believe if our relationship is stronger, ballet will not be such an issue for her. I've enrolled in an educational course this spring, so that takes up some time each month, and between work and other interests, my plate is full right now anyway.

 

MJ - good question. No she hasn't given up anything she likes to do. I realize that. But I need to pick and chose my battles.

 

I will dance again, but not right now. The desire is too strong to back away from it.

 

Thanks to all of you again,

David

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ViolaDancer

Dave62,

 

It sounds like you're making the best choice for your relationship at this point. I do hope that your desire for dance can be a reality and your wife can support you in it. Best of luck in your relationship and your dancing.

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Robert

My wife has been very supportive. In fact, she is now interested in doing some ballet. She is a pilates devotee.

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wijnmoer

My wife was dragged to both ballet performances and class by her mom, that's why she doesn't like it. That is also the reason why I was really really nervous to tell her that I wanted to take ballet classes.  It turned out very well. She was laughing at first but immediately she told me if that's what I want I just should do it. 

Now she's telling me that she really loves to see how I am enjoying to do it. She is also clear the she will never come and watch a performance however.  I am also not sure if performing is something I want to pursue. 

The kids were another thing. They were laughing and making funny remarks all the time about tutus etc. But this wore off after a week or two. Now it's already normal that daddy is going to ballet 2 nights per week. 

So in the end I am a lucky guy and I only regret that I didn't do it earlier.

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Andy32

Not sure if the original poster still visits the forum, but I am experiencing the same thing. I took class for a few years in my 20s (she watched a beginners class I took while we were dating), then my wife allowed me to resume again two years ago. I have really enjoyed working at it, and for many classes this fall I felt like I was getting better every week, after being limited this summer with a knee injury. Over Christmas she said she "hated ballet, hated the fact that I took class" and is making me give it up. She thinks it is effeminate, gay and says it makes me less attractive overall. Over the summer we compromised, where I would not participate in performances (I had opportunity for Nutcracker at my previous studio) but would be allowed to do classes. Now it's all off. She even turned down free tickets to a St Louis Ballet performance this fall, where I hoped to have her meet my teacher and maybe a fellow student or two, and connect her to this "other world" I have been a part of for a while.

So, it looks like it's over for me. I really enjoyed browsing this forum for tips on how to improve, exercises to do outside of class, and general encouragement among the adult and male students.

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silvergreydancer

Well, If you are willing to lay down then there is nothing to say. However, If you really enjoy it, I suggest you grow some. It would be a fine day when my wife told me I couldn't do something I liked just because she didn't approve. It's something else that is bothering her!

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Dave62

Hello Andy32, 

Dave62 here,  the original poster. Sorry to hear about your wife's sudden change of heart towards ballet. Seems odd that all was fine 20 years ago and then 2 years ago when you went back. Why now? Have you posed these questions to her? Communication can be helpful. She at the least owes you a reason why she doesn't like it. I think that's fair.

As for me, 3 years after my original post still have not gone back. Things have thawed between us recently due to my taking up running and sticking with it. I ran my first marathon September 2018, so she has seen me wearing running tights for almost 2 years now. Part of her issue was seeing me wearing the ballet tights and 'showing' things for all to see. She's 15 years older than me so she had a pretty closed view of the world and never was with a man who wore tights, ballet, running or otherwise. I wear my running tights casually as well as she accepts that, so I think the 'crack' in the amour has begun. I am hoping to try and broach the subject this summer to enroll in a fall class.

Silvergrey, 

With the deepest respect for your opinion, you're approach with your wife might work for you, but doesn't work for all, and the hard nose attitude only makes things more difficult for some of us. Please understand that not everyone can 'grow some' as a solution to this issue. Being able to communicate with our spouses can yield greater results. But every situation is different.

Hope to hear from more of you about this subject, 

Dave

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Old_Faun

I don't have these problems, but the relationship with my boyfriend (yes, we are here, gay ballet dancers exist :) ) doesn't include forbidding each other things they really want to do. In fact, ballet was important finding together.

I think you have to stand up to your will - otherwise it won't get better.  That doesn't mean a confrontation course, but talking. And seeing behind the curtain.

Most time other things are after behaviour like this - jealousy(Yes, you will be in a room full of women, many young), fear of loosing the partner, control of the partner ( do you have other hobbies where you leave home regulary and do things with other people?), or just wanting more common time together.

When it's only hating ballet, talk should do it. There are more things she hates I think, soccer, baseball, driving a harley davidson, visiting heavy metal concerts?

If it's only the tight thing - adult ballet here in Germany has no dress code, so just use somewhat wider elastic sport pants and a longer shirt if this is really that important. Or use your running tights ;).

Just a few thoughts, no offence meant.

At last, a little sugar for your sposes: I don't know any gay ballet dancers having any interrest in their heterosexual colleagues.

 

(I'm no native speaker, so some phrases are propably harder than I meant them)

 

 

 

   

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