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Ballet Talk for Dancers

The New Girl and Her Mom


RainieDanceMom

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My daughter has been dancing in the same school since 2 1/2. It she's now 11, and in her third. year in company. A girl who is in my dds elementary school has been trouble for years. The mother has repeatedly done and said offensive things to other moms and only has a few friends who do the same thing.

 

The girl and her mom have been in two other dance schools and now to my horror has moved to my daughters school. The first class she sampled, just like I predicted she made fun of my dd. The other kids said she is mean already and at our Holiday told my dd and a friend they couldn't stand at the table they were sitting.

 

My dd was not invited to her bday party and the mother told my friend my dd didn't make the "cut" so wasn't invited. (My dd has no interest to associate)

 

Well at a competition this weekend, after my dd came off stage for her solo the mother was standing with two of my dance moms we know for years. One of my moms said she did great. I said thank you and with that, the new mom made an inappropriate comment about the size of my daughters chest. I was in such shock and distress Never ONCE has our moms commented on the body or personal parts of our children.

 

I am at a total loss with this. My friends are saying everything from ignore it, to "oh brother", to " I will look like the problem if I complain " .. But In all the years my child grew up here have I ever felt violated for her. It was her little safe place and I feel that feeling. Is gone.. Please I am new here so excuse me if I'm not posting properly.

 

Also as a note we get new people every year and we are like family accepting and kind to new moms.

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That's horrifying!!! If it was me I'd be Googling other options for training just in case, and also setting up a meeting with the school. Sadly, these people will probably do more damage before they quit or are asked to leave.

 

I'm very sympathetic to you. There are kids at our school who have left because of troublemakers our school cannot deal with. We almost left. We may yet. If the negatives start to outweigh the positives, we will.

 

Our situation isnt as bad as yours though. Bad apples really can spoil things. I hope your school management handles this well and takes care if this.

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Has anyone ever responded to her? I would tell her straight to her face "That was totally inappropriate. At this studio we support our kids 100% and don't make comments about their bodies". See what she says. Maybe no one has ever confronted her before. If she gets the hint that everyone feels the same way, maybe she'll try and change. Worth a shot I think.

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Oh my word! My jaw just dropped reading this.

 

I was bullied a lot as a kid by these two girls. It was a frenemie situation where sometimes I'd be "in" with them and then suddenly I was "out".

 

They were just incredibly mean and their parents were just as nasty. I tried so many things to make it stop. I talked to them. My mom talked to them. My mom talked to their moms. I talked to the teachers.

 

Nothing got better until finally, at about 11, the principal pulled us all in and laid down the law. She had me leave half way through, but after that meeting those girls never even looked at me sideways.

 

So my advice? Talk to the whoever has the most influence at the studio, be it the owner or the AD or whomever and explain that this mom/daughter combo are intentionally targeting your daughter and you would like to set up a meeting to make sure the behavior stops.

 

My feeling is that the studio will be largely on your side since your daughter has been there so long, but if not, I wouldn't hesitate to leave.

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Unfortunately, it will continue until the Director of the school decides they are not welcome there. In my experience with these type of people (same story, different city etc), they become a "cancer" on the school itself and kids will leave because of it. If the Director doesn't stop it, no one else can either. I believe all programs (like any company or workplace) grow their culture from the head down.

 

I'm so sorry your child (and others) is/are being mistreated and abused at the hand of nasty folks but they are not going to stop....the ones I know of still haven't after 10+ years.

 

Strength to you and clarity to your AD. :(

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Thank you so much everyone for your comments, opinions and support. I am glad I found this forum. I have been reading all of them ant they come at a much-needed time.

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I decided because of New Mom's inability to differ right from wrong , her irrational behavior , and her lack of remorse or guilt, I have spoken to AD instead of engaging with the new mom.

 

I was calm, took ownership and stated facts without becoming emotional.

I spoke to her about the past (joining the school when my DD was a baby, and finding comfort in the "family culture" she created) ..

present ..how I came to her and explained my reservations about them changing to our school..(and the facts we have had issues with the new girl that I allowed my DAUGHTER to handle herself); the things I let go like her hitting my car in their lot) and ( what happened with the inappropriate comment, how it made me feel, how we are now guarded and violated and how other dancers moms were there) ..

 

Future ... I will play each competition by ear and monitor my daughter for any harassment . Thanked her for her time and did not expect resolution or explanation from her,, she said ok will watch this situation ,, outcome = out of my control

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Our dance school has a "no drama" rule. Students must be kind to each other and may not post negative things about the school or students on social media. Parents must sign the form as well.

 

ruralmom

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That's wonderful! Do they have anti-bullying policy as well that parents and students must sign? Think I will suggest that one next.

Edited by RainieDanceMom
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