Jump to content
Ballet Talk for Dancers

Anyone taking the residence plunge this fall?


Recommended Posts


If you can stall for time, do so. I hope you have peace with your decision, and a wonderful next dance chapter.

Link to comment
  • Replies 147
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • labrador


  • Bekah21


  • beehive1


  • Derin's Mom


Thyme, thanks for sharing. I am so saddened when I read your posts about this. It's hard, but sounds like that is how it is sometimes. I am glad things have worked our for you. I also feel if we leave, we will never be welcomed back. One director says yes, but the other says no. Even if that changes, I don't think DD would go back.

Link to comment

I just want to concur with Dancemaven. . .you will learn the limits of your child's "maturity."  I sure have. 

Also Bekah, we use Laurel Springs online and have been pleased but it was VERY hard to transition and my DD is a very strong student. I finally had to structure it up.  I created a google docs schedule with her online "school hours" scheduled every day and what subjects she would be doing.  I would look at the due dates for what was coming up, plug those in and then back up to plan the hours that she needed complete each task. My DD was constantly angry at me.  When I turned to requiring HER to set up the work plan and submit each week. She is required to finish all assignments due in a week by Sunday of that week.  She often spends 6-10 hours a weekend on school. 

She is now a senior and it mostly runs itself, but I do log on weekly and see where things are. 

I was surprised at how hands on I had to be. Our residency does not do a lot with online schooling students. 

Link to comment

Another thing to consider, is will your DD be punished as a result, even if you stay? We had witnessed this with other dancers and their families. 

We had let our AD know immediately when an offer was made, weeks  before we had made a decision, and it still resulted in sour grapes. But, I agree, if you can buy yourself some time to think thru all the moving parts, and maybe send an email to your current AD letting them know how thankful you are for all they have poured into your DD, that might help smooth things over. (however, nothing we said could smooth things over.) But Im just not sure there is ever a good reason for an AD to react that way. Even if they are invested in your DD (and not all AD's are. our AD did not pay much attention to our DD). Shouldn't there be an expectation of professionalism? Just as it was mentioned earlier, they are still running a business. And while relationships are forged and bonded, I don't understand the possessiveness. AD's should be delighted when year round programs express interest! That is a big compliment to what they have taught and trained the dancer! Shouldn't the goal be to launch the dancers?

We cannot control the responses of other people. And how they respond says more about them than it says about you. Bekah21, as a late adopter of boundaries, I would say a boundary was crossed and the AD needs to adjust their thinking. 

Link to comment


Thanks for the advice! My daughter is motivated by deadlines and I like your idea of helping set them. Online college course say all work is due by midnight on Sunday or whatever day. So I think I'll do a google spreadsheet like you mentioned. I think helping her organize her day with what classes and assignments she will do each day will help too. Did you find that you "require" her to do each subject everyday? Or did you assign a few subjects a day, a few days a week? 

Link to comment


DD is fearful to return at all now for the reasons you mentioned above. She wonders if it will be held against her that she's considering a year round at a young age. I honestly don't think there would be issues, but something to think about.

Link to comment

Never say never.  Time tends to heal all wounds.  DDs left their home studio on not the best terms and trained privately at a small studio for a bit then went off to a trainee program across the country.  There was never a discussion with the school about why they left as it was quite obvious they weren't happy their final year and open communication was not sought out. 

Four years have now passed and DDs started going back for open classes over the holidays and breaks.  They were pleasantly surprised at how much it now seems like water under the bridge as opposed to a bridge burned.  They are much older, so coming back as a full-time student wouldn't even be at play but things do soften over time.  They have enjoyed being welcomed back into the school where they grew up.  It was the right path for them to leave at that time but hard none the less.    

Link to comment


I wasn't directing my comments to you personally; just the concept of not communicating important information face-to-face is a pet peeve of mine. So many times a dancer and parent leave out the home director/teacher/studio when making decisions about dance when an ongoing dialog would be beneficial for all parties. Sending your child away from home and family during their early teen years is a big decision and I hope that parents would be open to listening to everyone that has their dancer's best interest at heart.

Good luck to your dancer as you navigate this new chapter.


Link to comment


No, given her schedule she could not do each subject each day.  That was actually the beauty of online.  Often she need to do a 3-day run on math to get the concepts and then could do the reading and writing in history at another time. Once I set it up, she took control of it but what was helpful was seeing the # of hours she had each day and when those hours were.  It was useful for her to see that she needed to use that 8-9 hour productively because her day would be fillled with rehearsals, etc. Teens do not have the executive functioning that we do and they need supports and structures to "plan ahead." 

The spreadsheet was a loose plan that was flexible but it helped her to see what she had to do in a week and the time available to do it. 

We also talked alot about "day planning." As in when am I going to cross train, hang out with friends, sew pointe shoes, do laundry, stretch, roll out, take care of feet and toes, shower, etc. This all seems rather silly but honestly, in your home, you will turn to your kid and say, "Hey why don't you go grab a shower before dinner so you will have time to watch that show/do homework, etc?"  You are actually managing them more than you think. 

Link to comment

I'll chime in on the academics-we have found splitting the subjects like college (taking a semester instead of 9 months) to be helpful! So this fall she will focus on Alg 2, Govt,  English. Then in the spring she will take Physics, Pre-cal, Spanish. This allows her to not be so spread thin meeting deadlines. 

Link to comment

I appreciate all of this info -- I've been following along the past few days, as we have tentatively turned down a year-round spot for our dancer this year--I think more for my own feeling that I'm not ready for the logistics of everything else to be organized by the fall. I'm hoping it doesn't hurt our dancer's chances for an offer next year, but with having to find housing (this particular program does not provide set housing) and figure out the academic side--I am so impressed with all you have all put into your child's career, and I'm realizing what I myself am not yet prepared for! 

Link to comment

I'm also having major regrets at turning the offer down -- I know she does not have the potential for growth at the home studio the way she would in this other program. I'm sure there is a whole other thread for that somewhere but I haven't found it yet 😁  I do know when we take the plunge to move her, I'll get a little pushback, but I think that is because the program is going through a lull in retention right now.

Link to comment


Don't regret your decision. You did what you feel is best at this time. I have been telling my DD, who didn't sleep last night, that we will make the best decision that we can at this time. If it is right then great. If it's not right then we will figure out the plan and next steps. Life is about making decision and dealing with the outcome. I hope we make the right one. You are right, there is a lot of planning and if you aren't expecting an offer, that planning can feel last minute. I have been told by our director that offers will continue to come, so don't fret!

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Create New...