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nynydancer

Anyone taking the residence plunge this fall?

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labrador

Bekah21,

If you can stall for time, do so. I hope you have peace with your decision, and a wonderful next dance chapter.

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Bekah21

Thyme, thanks for sharing. I am so saddened when I read your posts about this. It's hard, but sounds like that is how it is sometimes. I am glad things have worked our for you. I also feel if we leave, we will never be welcomed back. One director says yes, but the other says no. Even if that changes, I don't think DD would go back.

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Ballet6706
13 hours ago, Temps de cuisse said:

Their training and expertise got your child to the place they are now and if you appreciate that you need to give them the respect of talking with them. 

 

Temps de cuisse, if you knew the reasoning and facts behind our decision, you might not be so quick to chide me about respect. This decision has been made in consideration of the best interest of my child and that is what matters first and foremost. We would LOVE to say goodbye in person and know we have the support of our home studio, but we have been around long enough to know that will not be what happens. This is not a decision being made lightly.

 

 

 

Edited by Ballet6706

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learningdance

I just want to concur with Dancemaven. . .you will learn the limits of your child's "maturity."  I sure have. 

Also Bekah, we use Laurel Springs online and have been pleased but it was VERY hard to transition and my DD is a very strong student. I finally had to structure it up.  I created a google docs schedule with her online "school hours" scheduled every day and what subjects she would be doing.  I would look at the due dates for what was coming up, plug those in and then back up to plan the hours that she needed complete each task. My DD was constantly angry at me.  When I turned to requiring HER to set up the work plan and submit each week. She is required to finish all assignments due in a week by Sunday of that week.  She often spends 6-10 hours a weekend on school. 

She is now a senior and it mostly runs itself, but I do log on weekly and see where things are. 

I was surprised at how hands on I had to be. Our residency does not do a lot with online schooling students. 

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Funfetti

Another thing to consider, is will your DD be punished as a result, even if you stay? We had witnessed this with other dancers and their families. 

We had let our AD know immediately when an offer was made, weeks  before we had made a decision, and it still resulted in sour grapes. But, I agree, if you can buy yourself some time to think thru all the moving parts, and maybe send an email to your current AD letting them know how thankful you are for all they have poured into your DD, that might help smooth things over. (however, nothing we said could smooth things over.) But Im just not sure there is ever a good reason for an AD to react that way. Even if they are invested in your DD (and not all AD's are. our AD did not pay much attention to our DD). Shouldn't there be an expectation of professionalism? Just as it was mentioned earlier, they are still running a business. And while relationships are forged and bonded, I don't understand the possessiveness. AD's should be delighted when year round programs express interest! That is a big compliment to what they have taught and trained the dancer! Shouldn't the goal be to launch the dancers?

We cannot control the responses of other people. And how they respond says more about them than it says about you. Bekah21, as a late adopter of boundaries, I would say a boundary was crossed and the AD needs to adjust their thinking. 

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Bekah21

learningdance,

Thanks for the advice! My daughter is motivated by deadlines and I like your idea of helping set them. Online college course say all work is due by midnight on Sunday or whatever day. So I think I'll do a google spreadsheet like you mentioned. I think helping her organize her day with what classes and assignments she will do each day will help too. Did you find that you "require" her to do each subject everyday? Or did you assign a few subjects a day, a few days a week? 

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Bekah21

funfetti,

DD is fearful to return at all now for the reasons you mentioned above. She wonders if it will be held against her that she's considering a year round at a young age. I honestly don't think there would be issues, but something to think about.

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mom2two

Never say never.  Time tends to heal all wounds.  DDs left their home studio on not the best terms and trained privately at a small studio for a bit then went off to a trainee program across the country.  There was never a discussion with the school about why they left as it was quite obvious they weren't happy their final year and open communication was not sought out. 

Four years have now passed and DDs started going back for open classes over the holidays and breaks.  They were pleasantly surprised at how much it now seems like water under the bridge as opposed to a bridge burned.  They are much older, so coming back as a full-time student wouldn't even be at play but things do soften over time.  They have enjoyed being welcomed back into the school where they grew up.  It was the right path for them to leave at that time but hard none the less.    

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Temps de cuisse

Ballet6706,

I wasn't directing my comments to you personally; just the concept of not communicating important information face-to-face is a pet peeve of mine. So many times a dancer and parent leave out the home director/teacher/studio when making decisions about dance when an ongoing dialog would be beneficial for all parties. Sending your child away from home and family during their early teen years is a big decision and I hope that parents would be open to listening to everyone that has their dancer's best interest at heart.

Good luck to your dancer as you navigate this new chapter.

 

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learningdance

Bekah21,

No, given her schedule she could not do each subject each day.  That was actually the beauty of online.  Often she need to do a 3-day run on math to get the concepts and then could do the reading and writing in history at another time. Once I set it up, she took control of it but what was helpful was seeing the # of hours she had each day and when those hours were.  It was useful for her to see that she needed to use that 8-9 hour productively because her day would be fillled with rehearsals, etc. Teens do not have the executive functioning that we do and they need supports and structures to "plan ahead." 

The spreadsheet was a loose plan that was flexible but it helped her to see what she had to do in a week and the time available to do it. 

We also talked alot about "day planning." As in when am I going to cross train, hang out with friends, sew pointe shoes, do laundry, stretch, roll out, take care of feet and toes, shower, etc. This all seems rather silly but honestly, in your home, you will turn to your kid and say, "Hey why don't you go grab a shower before dinner so you will have time to watch that show/do homework, etc?"  You are actually managing them more than you think. 

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Bekah21

Thanks learningdance!

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Funfetti

I'll chime in on the academics-we have found splitting the subjects like college (taking a semester instead of 9 months) to be helpful! So this fall she will focus on Alg 2, Govt,  English. Then in the spring she will take Physics, Pre-cal, Spanish. This allows her to not be so spread thin meeting deadlines. 

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beehive1

I appreciate all of this info -- I've been following along the past few days, as we have tentatively turned down a year-round spot for our dancer this year--I think more for my own feeling that I'm not ready for the logistics of everything else to be organized by the fall. I'm hoping it doesn't hurt our dancer's chances for an offer next year, but with having to find housing (this particular program does not provide set housing) and figure out the academic side--I am so impressed with all you have all put into your child's career, and I'm realizing what I myself am not yet prepared for! 

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beehive1

I'm also having major regrets at turning the offer down -- I know she does not have the potential for growth at the home studio the way she would in this other program. I'm sure there is a whole other thread for that somewhere but I haven't found it yet 😁  I do know when we take the plunge to move her, I'll get a little pushback, but I think that is because the program is going through a lull in retention right now.

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Bekah21

beehive1,

Don't regret your decision. You did what you feel is best at this time. I have been telling my DD, who didn't sleep last night, that we will make the best decision that we can at this time. If it is right then great. If it's not right then we will figure out the plan and next steps. Life is about making decision and dealing with the outcome. I hope we make the right one. You are right, there is a lot of planning and if you aren't expecting an offer, that planning can feel last minute. I have been told by our director that offers will continue to come, so don't fret!

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