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cupcake3

Managing dd's stress while she's away at residential school

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cupcake3

Hi all, dd (13) moved across the country to residential ballet school this fall, and while it's been really, really hard (mostly for her dad and me!), she has been doing well and seems extremely happy.  All in all, I've felt good about the whole thing.... until now.... as I sit here questioning if she can really handle this.  For starters, it's a long weekend for their school, and they have Sat and Monday off of school.  It's really too far to travel home in that time, so she is missing school on Friday and flying back home tomorrow night (Thursday) after she finishes classes.  Knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't have booked this.  At the time, I was thinking of how much I knew I'd want to see her and how much I didn't want her in the dorm on a holiday weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving).  Additionally, the school manager told me they often allow the students to miss an extra day if they live far from home as they value family time, etc...  As it currently stands, she got sick (had awful headache and tummy ache) this week and missed a day and a half of school AND has 3 big assignments due Friday that have to be turned in a day early because she's flying home!  To top all of that off, she has to pack and be ready to head to the airport right from school.  She has none of the assignments finished, and it's almost lights out.  I told her she's got to have an honest chat with her teacher tomorrow and hope for some grace, but gosh, it really doesn't feel good to be sitting here a couple thousand miles away knowing your 13 year old is not feeling her best and stressing out about assignments and missing school to fly home.  I know this too shall pass, and if nothing else, it's a learning opportunity.  She probably should have gotten a bit more done over the weekend, but not thinking she would get sick, she had a more relaxed weekend instead.  Ugh, this is hard!  Any words of wisdom?  

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nynydancer

Same problem here and I would love to continue to this conversation, but moderators, do we need to move this to a parent's thread or a prepro thread?

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clara99

It is very hard, especially at 13. My heart goes out to you. My DD did not go away until she was a senior. By then, she had dealt with such stresses. We often found ballet was the easy part, everything else outside the studio was by far the hardest to manage, and emotionally draining. If she can manage to navigate through this, it will certainly strengthen her character and resolve. But listen to your gut feeling, you know your DD best. Good luck!

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mom2

* moderator hat on - this thread is on a parents only forum... don't know if it got moved from the original posting location.

As a parent, I know what you're going through cupcake, as my dd spent a number of years in a residency program.  Hopefully the teachers will understand! It's one of those life lessons I think that come a bit early to kids away from home.  Is your daughter in Grade 8 or 9? Regardless, I wouldn't worry about it.  She's new to the school and just sorting everything out.

Hang in there and have a great Thanksgiving!

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learningdance

My DD went to residency at 14 and I feel your pain. It's a really tall order to feed yourself properly, get yourself up, do laundry, get proper sleep, navigate all the social opportunities (Learning to say no), manage the emotions of a competitive environment (I'm not the best anymore), deal with a roomate (must she stay up talking?), and on and on. 

Each kid is different and so watch and wait this year and time will tell if this is the best situation for her.  Do know that if this is not a fit for her, she can keep dancing, train, and become a professional. . .many roads to Rome. 

I guess I will say that one thing I noticed from the thread title that really spoke volumes to me was Managing dd's stress while she's away at residential school. . .as in you are managing it?  That's what you are trying to do but you can't manage someone else's stress. You have to support them in doing it themselves.  It's super hard.. .

I had a really rough time last year when DD shifted to online school. I was setting up these plans for things she had to get done, badgering her constantly and making myself CRAZY.  Then I had this brilliant idea--- She sets up the plan. She tracks it. She tells us each weekend where she is. Stress relief for me.  Learning and growth for her.

 

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cupcake3

Hi all, thank you for the kind words. Mom2- she’s Grade 8 so still very young!  Learningdance- you definitely picked up on something. To be honest, I’m the one who’s probably the most stressed. I have got to figure out how to listen and lend advice for issues that arise without taking that stress on myself... which is exactly what I’ve been doing. I know that I need to loosen my grip and let her figure it out.... it’s soooooo incredibly hard though.  She’s still my baby!  I did speak to her today and actually also spoke with the head of residence to check in on her.... and she seems to be ok.  I think she managed to turn in what really needed to be turned in and will submit the rest next week. She doesn’t  seem stressed about that anymore, so that’s good.  I’m headed to the airport now to pick her up, and I’m so excited I can barely speak. Cannot wait to squeeze her!!!

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learningdance

Cupcake... Oh big hugs! You are probably also discovering the "panick venting" phone call.  You are your kid's safe person. They can be real with you.  They can let down  their guard and they need to. So they call you, dump it all on you, you don't sleep, worry all day and then it's done.  She was venting and found catharsis in the conversation and moved on.  But you worried. . been there many times.  .  . 

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skiptomylou

Hi cupcake3,

i hope you are having a great weekend with your DD.  I agree with learningdance that you are probably seeing (and will continue to see) the worst of her stress and worry, because she saves it for you!  On the positive side, my DD is now in her third year living away from home and I am so proud of all she has learned in terms of time management.  At this point she completely owns any decisions about when to get homework done, plans ahead, and does not need any involvement from me at all, other than occasionally asking for feedback on writing or projects.  I feel like this is one of the more important life skills she has gained!

I do remember the first time she was sick while away, though...  it was just a bad cold, but so hard as a parent to be far away and helpless...

I hope you have a wonderful weekend together!

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