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Ballet Talk for Dancers

Insecurity and Jealousy

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DD’s dance “friend” complained to the dance teacher that DD and 2 other girls were excluding her or being unsupportive of her during rehearsals claiming vague things like looks. DD tries to be friends with everyone and was very hurt by the accusation made to the teacher by this girl without any attempt to first talk to her about how she was feeling. This girl is older than my daughter and over 18, has been to our house numerous times, and was texting or asking my DD constantly about whether she got a lead role in The Nutcracker or not. Simultaneously, she seemed to be constantly complaining of body aches when her rehearsals didn’t go well and causing drama when my DD was her natural friendly way with the 2 other girls that were part of the accusation and were also being considered for the lead role. The “friend” that complained about the 3 girls was not being considered for the role. Fortunately, my DD still got the role although the timing of the complaint seemed like a way to try and hurt her chances. DD was hurt because she thought of this girl as a friend, but she tried to make her feel better and get along with everyone. Hopefully it will all blow over so that people can focus on their own growth and stop comparing themselves to others. I feel sorry for this girl because she is insecure about her abilities but I frankly also would rather not have her over my house anymore if this is how she is going to behave at her age. I think the problem stems from her parents who compare her to my daughter and point out what they think are their daughter’s inadequacies. I have stayed out of this entirely other than to hear my DD out and compliment her for taking the high road. Does this stuff ever end or can real friends be found in a competitive ballet trainee school environment or company? I feel like spending all her time with other dance students hoping to make it professionally is worse than a regular high school environment because you really don’t have enough people around so that you can choose your friends, and get blamed for excluding others when you try to be drama-free. Thankfully, the teacher didn’t seem to buy it. 

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DD over the course of her years dancing has made friends that are extremely supportive of her. Based on these positive experiences I would say yes, very possible to make good, loyal, and lasting friends. 

DD also has had a negative experience similar to yours. DD felt completely sucker punched as the drama seemed to come out of the blue. In our case the girl involved tended to have several character traits that on a spectrum could possibly be diagnosed as a personality disorder. Without kicking the hornet’s nest DD distanced herself from this person (really not easy in a small studio but managed) and the girl in question eventually moved on. 

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Dd has been able to avoid any of this kind of drama, you are right to distance yourselves from her - very immature behavior at that age.  I have said this here before and so far it’s been true for my dd- the better they get, the more supportive of eachother they  are because they have reached a certain level - not saying there aren’t jealousies and dancers own insecurities but this is found in every industry - I’m sure the teacher saw right through it 

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I hope this is true everywhere. For us it seems that the dancers at each level kind of have a vibe to the group and it follows them as they move up. The level my DD is in seems to contain a lot of jealousy and lots of competitive spirit. The level above her, all the girls are highly supportive of each other. I really love that group and most of DD friends are there. It could also be they are a year or too older (more mature?). The level below her, it’s drama filled (both dance and non dance related). I keep hoping DD level will start to be more supportive of each other. 

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54 minutes ago, Jennsnoopy said:

For us it seems that the dancers at each level kind of have a vibe to the group and it follows them as they move up.

ahhh.. could be !    Yes, the non- dancer drama was real at her former pre-pro but she did say that it never came into the classes/rehearsals or performances, which is pretty amazing ... I'm sure that is not the case everywhere but one can hope and be prepared as possible - it's another reason I think it's better to start in a company a little older  18-19  - there is something to be said about maturity and living a little more life that can help them cope in adult/job  situations

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