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Ballet Talk for Dancers
GingerMomma519

The pain of leaving?

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GingerMomma519

***UPDATE***

 

So DD decided to attend the 5 week SI at her current dance school. She was placed with the kids in her level. All was well. She enjoyed it, she was happy. I thought we were staying and not leaving. 

Last night August levels come out and she's once again being held back. Repeating the same summer level she was in last year, with kids that were a level below her during the academic year, while the kids from her current level moved up, and kids from her original level are now 2 levels ahead of her. 

Well it was the straw that broke the camels back. There were a lot of tears and "I work so hard every day!" but at the end the decision was made to quit dance entirely. She said she wants to continue taking the once per week private lesson that she had been taking away from the school. But she is leaving the school itself and isn't sure she wants to attend another. 

I support her decision, although I think in a week she's going to regret it. But I'm angry. Angry at that school for continuously knocking her back after all of her teachers told her how much she had improved over the year. I'm angry that they took a child who had been dancing for 7 years and made it so that she doesn't even want to dance at all. And her reasons aren't that she doesn't love dance. It's that her thighs are too big, her back too bendy, etc etc. 

So this morning she woke and for the first time in 7 years, she isn't a dancer. I had to go to work this morning though I really just wanted to stay home and spoil her a bit. But she's home with her dad. We'll see what the next steps are. I hope one day she goes back to dance, because I know she isn't quitting for any reason other than that school really just breaking down her spirit. 

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gasguzzler

I have no words of wisdom, just empathy and a big hug. 

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GingerMomma519

Thank you. The empathy and hug help. DD is still sound asleep. We'll see how she feels when she wakes up. She had a pretty restless night. 

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rane

I’m sorry for all your daughter has been through. That makes my heart heavy to think about. I hope the joy of dancing returns to her quickly after time away from that studio.

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GingerMomma519

Thank you. My heart hurts this morning. DD was in good spirits before bed last night. She had previously taken gymnastics before she had to give it up for ballet. And she currently takes an aerial class. Over the last few years, even though she loves dance, she's been saying she wants to be in Cirque Du Soleil. I think her current path may be more beneficial to Cirque than ballet was. She'll return to gymnastics, at her request. But I hope she still finds time to squeeze in some dance. I hate to see a love of ballet snuffed out by the way one school treated her. Because I think there are others that would value her hard work and work ethic. 

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dancingjet

I’m so sorry. And at such a young age.  No one should have a love of dance ripped out of them like that. 9 years old...it’s heart breaking.  I hope a wonderful new door opens up for her. 

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labrador

No matter how many professional dancers this school states are among their alumni, they wronged your daughter, and many others who lost their motivation for dance because of their favoritism.

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GingerMomma519

Thank you Dancingjet, I hope she bounces back too. She's a tough kid so I know she will eventually. 

 

Labrador - I agree. And that's what it is. Favoritism. Last year one girl with a direct "link" to the top of the school didn't like her August placement. She cried. That person from the school came out, held her while she cried and told her "it'll be ok", next thing you know she's moved up a level. I write a very polite e-mail about my daughters reasons for leaving and why she is upset, and I get zero response. 

 

 

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Bavalay

Ginger--I don't have much to add other than to say I am sending healing thoughts your way, love, and peace.  What I also saw in your post is that your DD continues to have other interests that bring her joy.  And who knows, she is 9 (the age my daughter started dancing and know others that started at 10 and 11) and may want to come back to ballet.  And if not, that's ok too.  This also serves as a reminder to us that even well respect schools can have environment that is not across the board nurturing.  No need to stay in a place that causes harm

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Eligus

Ginger -- You may not want to hear the "glass half full" view at the moment, but I'm here to tell you there is one.  I think your DD quitting this school is a good choice for both of you.  I believe you will be amazed to see your DD blossom out of that environment.  

I have only one piece of further advice for you (as one who has been in your exact shoes):  please, please, be careful about "projecting" too much of your own heartbreak and worry onto your DD.  This is quite tricky, trust me.  But if YOU are excited about the future and what it may hold and if YOU can dismiss the old school as something that may have helped your DD in the past, but is no longer a good fit, your DD will relax and enjoy her new sense of freedom and adventure.  Even if you are unsure, project excitement and interest in the NEXT interesting thing your DD may want to do.  You'll be amazed at how quickly the old school will shrink in importance and impact. 

It helps tremendously if your attitude projects something along the lines of: Pfft.  You're done with them.  Move on. They aren't helpful.  Let's find something else that's really cool and interesting to do.  

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Thyme

I second what Eligus has posted. We went through a similiar situation where DS was never going to dance again (his words). Long story short was that he didnt dance for about 3 months but in the meantime I found another studio which seemed a better fit. He ultimately returned to the studio and never looked back. The trauma of the first studio quickly faded into shrug. Sounds like no big deal now but we still refer to that experience as a touch stone (10 years later) in moving on when we come across bad people.

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Noodles

Hugs to you and your daughter GingerMomma! I hope that your daughter quickly finds something that makes her little heart happy!

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GingerMomma519

Eligus, 

Thank as always for your words of encouragement. DD woke up yesterday and today with zero regrets. She is excited about going back to gymnastics in a few weeks. My DH has been home with her yesterday and today while I'm at work. He's been "spoiling" her a bit. Trips to the park, dave & busters, trip to go rock climbing today. She's been in good spirits and doesn't seem to regret her decision at all. Which is wonderful. I don't want her to be sad over a place that hasn't even had the courtesy to respond to my e-mail telling them their student of 6 years is leaving. She will continue to see someone privately on the weekends for dance and possibly will go back to another studio. But right now we are just enjoying some free time and some time to explore other things!

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GingerMomma519

Thank you Thyme and Noodles. DD is taking it all really well. Besides the tears on night one, she has been happy the past two days. She's getting to be a regular kid and have actual time off, which is new for her!

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Thyme

that is excellent GingerMomma519! A wise woman once told me that these experiences are gifts. Without them we could not build resiliance.

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