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Ballet Talk for Dancers
Derin's Mom

Struggling with homesickness

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bluemountain

Derin's Mom, I have been following your DD's story for a while (even more because this is DS's third year away abroad and he doesn't share much with us - he went away when he was 16). Usually it takes some times for the kids to adjust, which is normal, although hard on everybody. But if this has been going on for so long, maybe it's simply not a good fit for her? 

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balletfan

Most of the students at our studio aim to go overseas for pre-professional training.  This can be a 12 year old through to an 18 year old.  As usual, a  couple of girls came back this after year after one or two terms overseas - at elite schools.  It is not seen as a failure just that the school they went to didn't suit them.  Other students start to understand how this works and realise that their next step may or may not go to plan - they can only suck it and see.

You don't know until you try!  It is understood that each school has its 'vibe'.  There are so many factors that impact on how things work out: the AD, the teachers, the cohort that they join, the  daily schedule, the accommodation, the weather, homesickness....

It can be  very distressing but with the support of friends, family and the home studio (or a new one)  they recover and pick themselves up again.  Some of the much harder stories one hears are about students who persevered too long - thinking that this was the right thing to do or that this is their only chance and worrying about what others will think.  Advanced parenting skills are required to help the student give it all they have but feel free to walk away if it is just not working out. 

Edited by balletfan
update

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Derin's Mom

Thank you.

This is what we try to do as her parents. We are hands on, we went there to be with her for a week on several times; just to let her know that we are close not far.

She will be back home for Xmas break for the first time. And after seeing her home school, her family, her former routine; she will be able to decide much better.

On one side she thinks this is a good opportunity for her; she likes some of the classes very much. And on one side the atmosphere of the friendship and difficulty in keeping up college work on academic lessons have been pulling her back.

We tell her that it is a SUCCESS anyhow and she is FREE to change her way anytime she wants.

Maybe with that support she says she want to give it yet chance.

Anytime we were there we saw that she actually is trying to hold on. AD was very fond of her and really wanted her to stya and had told her to try for 6 months so I think she wants to do it.

Thank you for all words. All means a lot. And I am definitely closely watching her.

Edited by dancemaven
Removed unnecessary full quote of immediately preceding post.

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Derin's Mom

An up to date. While she was here for Xmas break we consulted a proffesional as well together with DD.

And we all decided that it is best we take her back home.

The language barrier is somehow solved in the last weeks but loneliness is not. We understand that the cultural differences is a barrier for her at age 14, being the only foreigner in a French group is not easy at this age.

She learnt a lot, she feels better after a decision finally taken. She will surely cherish these 4 months with a clear mind soon. And most probably she will try once again in the future, with this experience guiding her. She puts it this way which I assume is a healthy sign: it is not a fault about the school or me, it is about the circumstances.

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mom2

Thank you for the update Derin's mom.  I know this wasn't an easy decision for your dancer or family, but you have all done a wonderful job in working through the circumstances.

A very happy New Year to all!

 

mom2

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Noodles

Best of luck to you and your daughter, she sounds like a brave and mature young lady! Hugs to you all, I know this has been a tough decision!

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Eligus

Thank you for the update.

You all sound very loving and considerate of each other, that is so nice to hear.  Please know in your heart that none of these growing experiences are "wasted." It all goes into the growth and development of your DD (and you, as parents).  I am sure you and she will notice differences in yourselves and each other as things settle down and return to a more "normal" feel.  What a great experience!

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Derin's Mom

Mom2,

Thank you for the support, a Happy New Year to you, too.

Edited by dancemaven
Added standard punctuation and capital letters per BT4D Rules and Policies.

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Derin's Mom

Noodles,

🙂 thank you, indeed she is. I see that she has grown more.

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Derin's Mom

Eligus,

You are correct. I really feel some differences even in myself, about my attitude to her; not being very protective and letting her take the rope in certain decisions.

I hope she truly grasp the idea that this is not a failure at all, but a stepping stone in her journey.

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labrador

Derin’s Mom,

All the best to your family! There was no test, so there is no failure. She needed to change course, and it is a success to know when to change.

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Marsysmom

I have been reading this for a while and want to assure you that you should be proud of your DD.  We recently went through the same thing after our DD spent a semester in Moscow and has made the decision to stay home after New Years.  It was very stressful but we are so proud of her for speaking up and saying it was not a healthy environment for her and that nothing positive would come of her staying just to "finish" up the year there.  What is a great place for some dancers is just not the right fit for others.  They each have their own path to follow and this may just have not been the right one at this particular time.  All the best to you and your family!  This ballet journey is not for the faint of heart that is for sure

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Derin's Mom
On ‎1‎/‎5‎/‎2020 at 2:04 AM, Marsysmom said:

I have been reading this for a while and want to assure you that you should be proud of your DD.  We recently went through the same thing after our DD spent a semester in Moscow and has made the decision to stay home after New Years.  It was very stressful but we are so proud of her for speaking up and saying it was not a healthy environment for her and that nothing positive would come of her staying just to "finish" up the year there.  What is a great place for some dancers is just not the right fit for others.  They each have their own path to follow and this may just have not been the right one at this particular time.  All the best to you and your family!  This ballet journey is not for the faint of heart that is for sure

Thank you and good luck with your DD as well. Yes you are correct, they are really courageous to come out and say they are NOT happy after spending a certain period of time. I hope your DD finds back again her rhythm. We are getting a support of a professional as well so that the transition does not affect her more. Adolescence and homesickness can be tricky sometimes. And even in a few weeks I can see that there is no regret in her decision.

 

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Derin's Mom

Labrador,

Thank you! I am letting her know these supporting words as well.

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Bekah21

Thanks for the update! She is a strong and mature young lady. You should be very proud. Not many kids would do what she has done!!

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