Really sad...input/opinions appreciated

[Guest pointe]

I was working for my ballet teacher earlier this month and things went bad on me with her. My teacher wanted me to disciplined her students and it turned out that I was TOO STRICT with her students! In fact, I was rude to her students and their parents, according to her. I wouldn't want to do it, if they weren't getting on my nerves. It's so sad that these under-educated and ignorant people threaten the joy I have in ballet. They all threaten to leave the school if I'm still around. So, for my teacher to save and salvage her school, she asked me to go "on leave". And to rub salt into the wound, my teacher went on to pass insensitive comments about my physical condition and my weight! Although, she said that to me frankly as a friend (we've known each other for 14 years), I think she should have known better than to bring up these issues. In fact, all the girls in the studio (including the ones that I take class with) hate me now.

 

I feel that our friendship has soured, and I'm quite sure to not to talk and/or see her for awhile. I think it's because that we've known each other for so long that we tend to take things for granted. I'm contemplating to change ballet teacher and doing it purely for myself and not anyone else. All this time I only do things just to please others...my parents, doctor, employer...sigh!... In a way, I'm putting too much pressure on myself to make sure things go smoothly but it turns out things would work against my good intentions. I really don't know what to do in terms of my career! I'm planning to take an English teaching course from British Council so I could be a lecturer/tutor to adults in this field, as I feel I'm good at it.

 

Your input/opinions would be of great help.

 

~pointe~

[Victoria Leigh]

Pointe, this is a very difficult situation, and a difficult post to answer. I think you know that you made some mistakes here, and that is always very hard to accept. Perhaps there was also some overreaction on the teachers' part, but still the problem was one you created. It sounds to me like you have some serious thinking to do about what caused you to loose your temper to that point, and perhaps think about learning to work with children if you plan to stay involved in a ballet studio. Discipline is very important, but one also needs to learn HOW to discipline children. I know that you have had a very hard year, and I'm sure that you did not mean to hurt anyone or upset anyone. And I imagine that your teacher did not mean to hurt you either, after all those years.

 

It would be good if you and the teacher could talk, and work things out, but perhaps it is time to move on and start fresh with someone else? Maybe you have been in this one place too long? But I think you should try to talk with her if you can. You will have to apologize, but perhaps she will too. It's worth a try.

 

It's too bad that the students at the school are not very well educated, but then isn't that why you and the teacher are there? The students are there to learn, and you are there to help them accomplish this. Although it is a ballet school and not an academic school, a great deal of life teaching can go on there, and the things they learn about discipline, self control, and respect can aid them in learning other things as well. Try to learn from what happened, so that this will never happen again. Sometimes lifes lessons are really tough

[Mel Johnson]

I'm in agreement with Ms. Leigh here, but let me say that it always saddens me to hear of a long relationship with a teacher going off.

 

 

Your impulse to set things more in order is laudable, however, I feel that perhaps you need a cooling-off period in order to let the emotions calm (on both sides), and then attempt a reconciliation. In the meantime, try to find a place to study that won't aggravate the situation - if your teacher has an intense rivalry with another school, that's not the one to attend!

 

And an apology sounds in order, but one may apologize without having to eat crow or lose face. I have made some pretty grievous blunders in my time, and some of them have started to be smoothed over when I appeared at the door with a large bouquet of flowers - personally. (Just a theoretical, state-of-mind approach, not an actual suggestion, although it is a nice gesture, particularly in front of those who have also felt wronged.)

Maintain your dignity, but at the same time, let her know you are aware that you've hurt her.

 

It would be a shame for a friendship of fourteen years to go by the wayside, but perhaps the bridge can be rebuilt.

[Guest pointe]

Yes, I've type out a letter of apology. I would think that for me, it's better to write it all down and let the relevant parties to read. I don't think I'll be able to say it face-to-face, so writing a letter would help a lot.

 

I'll be putting a letter up at the noticeboard and a copy to my teacher and I'll see how things would go. I may not return to the school, may be for the benefit to all parties involved. However, there would be no way for me to hang up my shoes, as I've worked so hard for the chance and not let circumstances like this one to kill it.

 

I greatly appreciate all your advice. Thanks very much.

 

~pointe~