Introduction

[Guest fastfeets]

Hi. I'm new to this site....wandered in from a mention of this place on another ballet site. I'm really glad, too. This looks like a great group! The Richmond Intensive looked like it was a lot of fun.

 

A little about me, if you'd like to know. I'm 33, danced a lot as a teen, but took a looong break and went back to ballet early this year. I've recently moved from San Fran (not my original home...) to Nashville (not home either....), and am in the process of TRYING to find a studio. (might have found one....finally....and after great frustration....but we shall see). So, I haven't been in a class since June, sadly...and I'm really dying to get back in there. Going mad, I am, I swear it!

 

I'm not very skinny (anymore...haha), I'm not very good (probably never truly was, but i thought once i was pretty good...), but I do love it. Dancing makes me so happy sometimes, and so sad sometimes.....but it does bring something out in me that I crave all the same.

 

My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly early this year, about 3 weeks before I started classes again, and 2 weeks to the day before I was honored with running the Olympic Torch through part of Oakland...and I have a mission. I want to honor her with a dance sometime in the next few years. I've got one of two songs I'd like to choreograph (or rather have done...I am terrible at choreography...i mean it...realllyyyyyyy reallllly bad...NEVER let me try it....trust me *laughs*), and once I've decided on which of the two, I'd very much like to spend some time perfecting it, and perform at least one last time, for her...so she can see me dance again. I know, it's kinda sappy and dippy....but it's become a goal, and it's pushing me when I dont want to go further sometimes, so I'm feeding it well. *grin*

 

Anyway, I suppose this intro rambled...but I've had a wretched day, and thought I might get it looking up a bit and say hello to y'all instead of wallowing in self pity *peeks to see if it's working*

 

 

so...uh...hi!

 

Sabrina

[Guest tournout]

welcome fastfeets (sabrina)...

 

i also consider myself kinda new here...

 

i am terribly sorry to hear about your mum's passing...and...i definitely felt a sense of understanding with regard to how dance makes you feel because i feel much the same way...like you, i am 33 and stopped studying dance seriously in my late teens...

 

i wish you luck with finding a suitable ballet school...and...with acheiving your choreographic goals...i am certain that your dance will be beautiful...and...that your mum will love it when you perform it for her...

 

happy dancing...

[Guest fastfeets]

thanks. I hope my mom likes whatever I come up with as well. And thank you, also, for the kind words on her passing. She was quite ill for a long time, and while we weren't expecting her sudden death, it was somewhat a blessing. She was in a lot of pain for a long time....but I miss her a lot.

 

I even have in mind a midnight blue costume with nothing but black background....just simple and elegant, as she was.....

 

 

Dance seems to speak in those terms....elegance without premise and pomp.....to me, anyway. Although I don't mind extravagance....if it's called for...but for her, I would love simplicity and just pure, raw presence and peace....

 

 

I've missed dance these many years, and am so excited to start this new place next week.....but I'm really hoping I can avoid the pitfalls I fell into years ago...and just learn the purity of it this time 'round....looking at the pictures from the Richmond camp made me hope for happiness with it....

 

 

It's lovely to meet (so to speak) folks like myself who love ballet in a participatory sense and who are not seeking the carreer aspect that most ballerinas are...with the mean age of about 15....I'm glad to have found this lot.

 

Thank you so much for your welcoming message!!

 

Sabrina

*who is feeling much better now...despite the late hour and sore toes*

[Jaana Heino]

Welcome, Sabrina. I too want to say I am sorry to hear about your loss of your mother, and wish you luck finding a good studio.

[Guest dancerwannabe]

Hey there fast feets..

I live about 3 hours north of you in Lexington, KY. I wouldn't think that you would have a problem finding classes in Nashville. Nashville is fairly metropolitan and is pretty supportive of arts and entertainment endevours. Granted, It's not San Fransisco or L.A., so you will likely not find as wide a range of times etc to go. But you should be able to find classes several times a week without any issue. If you want to take more and your ballet school doesn't have anymore ballet classes. You can do what I've recently done and join the kids. (with permission of course). I have just added a Friday afternoon class to my schedule with the 11-15 year olds. (I'm 26) It's a little slower than the adult classes but it's also the beginning point class. So you get the 1.5 hour tech class with a half hour of pointe. Which is nice. I never come off the barre, but I love the effect pointe work is having on the strength in my feet and ankles.

Anyway, If you have a school with a lot of adults, maybe they will help you out with the performance aspect of it. When you get to a level that your comfortable with and you get to know your teachers pretty well, you can approach them about your dancing dreams. You'd be surprised at how agreeable people can be.

Good luck with finding classes! And welcome back to ballet.

 

I just started almost 10 months ago and it's been a really great thing for me. It's nice to have a place like ballet alert, where you can find so many adults who share a passion for dance. Richmond was really wonderful as well. If you get the chance...GO!

[Guest fastfeets]

Thanks Jaana. I was missing her a lot last night actually....my dad had called and we were talking about her, which got me all weepy...she'd have hated that...heh

 

I think I've found one studio that has a great deal of promise, and am looking at another with morning classes, too. After some frustration, now I'm more confident I'll have options. Whew....it was close though. I try to be patient....but I miss it. Even waiting til monday is killin' me ....

 

dancerwannabe,

 

We very nearly relocated to Lexington as opposed to here! Small world, eh? Heh. We're just south of town here, and while it's not a long drive into the city by any means, I was wanting to stay fairly close to home while I was learning my way around (particularly at night), which is why searching for a school has been taxing. Get this! There's a dance school less than a mile away, but no one EVER answers the phones, returns calls...and the door is always locked...you have to use a keycode to enter the school. Now, how one would find information about the school I have NO idea...but it honestly didn't seem like a place I wanted to be. I spoke to a few places yesterday, including Nashville School of Ballet, and am going to see how this monday class goes (how much I can take after 2 months away...) before filling my schedule again. The man who teaches at this studio also taught at NSB, so I plan to speak with him about extra options. This studio, when I spoke to the lady on the phone, she was very friendly and helpful...took time to answer questions, and explained that beyond the adult classes, a few of the advanced adults also take upper level ballet with teens, and they do encourage pointe for adults who are ready and willing....I've been on pointe for a while, but will wait to be evaluated before I jump in the beginner class I think, but this place, I'm really happy about...so far....they seem quite willing and pleased to have adults study with them...unlike a few other places I've contacted.

 

One place nearby was downright RUDE....I was...well...not too pleased...I think they realized their rude mistake *grins innocently*, but I was walking out when they were trying to apologize..c'est la vie.. ;)

 

I'd love to be able to go to Richmond next go'round. It looked like a lot of fun...and I'm REALLY glad to have found this place.....

 

Thanks for the welcome

Sabrina

[Guest BBNButterscotch]

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about you mom... I lost my dad two years ago, so I've been down a similar path. It's rough, but dancing has helped me alot. I hope it helps you as much as it has me!

[Guest fastfeets]

BBNButterscotch, you know that saying about time healing all wounds? I've been faced with some very weird realities lately...in that the time shortly after she died I felt ok with the whole concept...she had been so ill and so unhappy....I felt happy for her in a way...but now...it hurts so much more....

 

In the past few months I've wondered if that time thing was true but before the time kicks in, it's gonna be reeeeaaaalllllyyyyy painful....dark before dawn or something like that.

 

So I think, in a sense, I've learnt some sense of beauty in death...and in that, a truth of life....

 

a few years ago, a friend told me that the only way to survive the exquisite pain of loss is to feel the extremes of emotion to the fullest...and I have tried to adhere to that, because there's a healing to it....but I'd never lost a parent before...and it's been unlike anything I've ever known...I mean, that much is obvious, I'm sure...but I guess we never know that kind of pain til we KNOW it....

 

I'm hoping I can do it justice...that I can show my mom how much I miss her...how much my heart cries....but how strong she helped me to be, both in life and her death...when I can dance it.

 

Dance does help...it's the one thing that pulls parts of my soul out for me to pick through and shine up so they dont look so strange and dim to me when it's terribly dark.....they light my way....like the love my mother, and your father taught their children light our way. Dance is all that, in the shape of a heart, with the light in our eyes and the strength of a thousand suns....

 

...or maybe I'm just in serious need of a nap... ;)

 

But yes....there's a weird, unreal process...and I find myself waxing sickeningly poetic sometimes....but it feels good to dance...the pain and frustration give meaning to something I can't pinpoint...or rather don't WANT to....and it helps, so much. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad....maybe they're both up there waiting for our shining moments...giving us the heart and soul to get there.....

 

thank you for the welcome...and thank you...just for understanding

 

sabrina

*who is missing her mommy tonight*

[Guest BBNButterscotch]

I don't know if i agree with that "time heals all wounds" junk... it's been two years and i still have nights and days where I miss my daddy. It's not just on special occasions, but just weird little stupid things will remind me of him, and why i wish he was here. I am glad that his suffering is over, but it's still kinda hard. The pain might get less, but it never goes away. The best thing I think you can do, is just work through it however you can- dance, talking to a friend, just chilling, and trying not to let it consume you. It's hard, but it has made me a stronger person in the end.

 

Keep Dancing!

 

Lauren

[onyx]

I lost my father many years ago, when I was 12, and my mother two years ago. The pain doesn't really go away, but it lessens. I still get pangs at certain moments when things make me think of my father, and my mother's death still hurts because it is relatively new. I just keep thinking that now they are together again( it was really tough on my mom all those years) and probably happy in a better place.

Also, I want to say it is great that you want to dance for your mother, and wherever she is , she will see you and love you for it. I had a very strange thing happen to me at the first Richmond Intensive i went to. It was a few months after my mother died, and I was wondering if she and my father were up there in heaven and whether they knew I was at Richmond and doing the thing I loved the most.( actually my father was the one who introduced me to dancing when I was really little - we used to go to these Hungarioan dances and he would always dance with me and from then on I just loved dancing). Anyway, in Richmond , just after I was thinking about them, I was in class and we did an adagio, and the music the pianist played was Somewhere Over the Rainbow and that was my father's and my song - he used to sing it to me all the time. Then the very next song she played was La Dona Mobile ( don't know if I spelled it right) which is an Italian song my mother used to love. I almost started crying right there.

I'm sure it was them letting me know they were with me.

So Keep dancing and I wish you all the luck with your dance for your mother.

[Guest fastfeets]

Lauren,

 

I wholeheartedly agree with you there. I have little faith in that time healing thing these days...in fact, I've found it hurts more now than ever. My first Christmas without her is coming up and I'm scared, because last Christmas was the last time I saw her...she died a week later, just after New Years. My birthday was a few weeks back and my dad forgot (in fact, pretty much everyone did(but for my hubby/kids and closest friend)...but that's a can of ouch i'd like to forget)...although I do hear some people say that the first year is awful, the second, nearly as bad, then it begins to ease up....I've never known anything so painful....not even dancing on a broken toe ;)

 

It takes nothing at all to bring on tears still (though now i can at least wait til i'm home before breaking down....)....I know just what you mean about missing your daddy...i miss my mommy so achingly much some moments....but you're right...it does make us stronger. Reminds us of the strength we already have, too, I believe....

 

onyx,

 

Thank you for the beautiful story. I can imagine that our families do watch out for us, but to let you know they were there like that is so comforting. I'm sorry that you've lost them both.

 

I do sometimes feel my mom closeby...but I wonder if she keeps her distance for now, because it hurts so much to miss her still....and maybe she's waiting for my strength to come back before I really get to 'see' her again. I had a very strong dream the other night, and woke up realizing how much i wish i could 'take it back'...her death...I want a do over!!! heh heh. But she was so feisty and riled up in my dream, and I wished I could go back to sleep....

 

 

On a lighter note, monday night I finally went back to classes...it was an hour long beginners class (didn't want to wait til wednesday....) and I really like the school, the teacher and the ladies and gents in the class. So far so good. I'm debating tonight's 90 minute class...weather, rental car (mine is in the shop..waaah!), and I'm a bit sore from walking in our very hilly neighborhood a lot yesterday. A neighbor's house burned pretty much up yesterday, and we were checking on their health and the health of their pets (everyone was fine....firemen rescued doggie....house is a total loss....I could talk myself out of tonight's class, but realisitically, I'll be going simply because I wont allow myself to talk me out of it

 

sabrina